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by pristidae » Mon Oct 05, 2009 12:11 am
What choked me up watching this film most (though the whole progression of interaction between Oskar & Eli is amazingly expressive and subtle) was the scene where Eli bled. The whole "be me a little", "would you like me anyway" theme. It was then that I realized what a major theme of the film was -- how hard it is to tell someone you love the very reason(s) he/she shouldn't be with you.
The reason this moment was particularly moving for me is personal. First, off, I loved this film from the first time I saw Eli because, no lie, Lina in LTROI looks exactly like my wife did at 12. Second, the progression of our relationship early on, absent the supernatural elements, has certain parallels. A short time before I met her, she was diagnosed with a terminal blood disease, and was told, fresh out of college that she likely had just a few years to live. We fell in love, me having no idea about her condition. When it got serious, she had to tell me, but how can you tell someone you love, and need, that you can never have a normal life together? -- that there won't be three kids, two cars, travel vacations, or a house in the suburbs, but instead, nights battling a horrifying illness, days in the hospital, and the knowledge that you can never grow old together? Why would anyone marry a person with knowledge of the coming storm?
Eventually, she tentatively laid it out for me. I was shocked and horrified and angry; not at her of course, but at the brutal irony that you find your soulmate, but oh yeah, she's dying... I did stay up with her often as she hyperventilated until she passed out, unable to get enough oxygen into her body due to her enfeebled blood. I comforted her as, terrified, Kool-aid-red blood (discolored due to lack of red blood cells) leaked from her nose, gums, nailbeds, and elsewhere. And, thankfully, amazingly, after several years of this pale half-life, the disease just kind of went away. That was a decade ago. We got married anyway and today we are both happy and healthy. We hope the doctors were wrong about her ultimate prognosis, or that this remission will last.
Back to LTROI, I thought about poor Eli, stricken with a condition that prevents him from ever leading a normal life, an affliction that would likely prevent most people from ever wanting to be close to him. Eli liking Oskar, but terrified to tell him: (1) did I mention I'm a vampire?, (2) oh, and I'm a boy, and (3) I've been horribly abused and brutalized? That if he stays with Eli, their relationship will be constricted to accommodate his affliction. They'll never be able to settle down in one place, they can't ever be out during the day together, he'll have to kill to survive, and there is seemingly no way to cure Eli of his affliction . . . How hard would it be for Eli to tell the one person who makes him feel wanted and comforted these things, knowing that each fact would drive most people away forever?
For me, the vampire element was not a focus -- LTROI is a powerful film for its portrayal of the raw, bloody realization that a beautiful relationship may be doomed from the start, but if you truly love one another, its worth it to try anyway...
I perfectly understood why Eli would transfer his experiences to Oskar, so that he could truly understand Eli. I think that when someone lives on the verge of death for an extended time (as with a terminal illness), it is extremely difficult to convey to someone necessarily mired in the normal world what its like. The crushing loneliness, the depression, that lack of concern for all of the meaningless details and concerns the rest of us have to immerse ourselves in to pay the bills, keep our jobs, etc... I think, even as much as I supported my wife through her illness, I do not think I ever REALLY understood how it felt for her. Everyone wants to hear that your "doing better"; its too hard for the rest of us to stop our busy lives to image what it is like to know you are dying, soon; I guess it is too draining to hear that there is nothing that anyone can do to help.
I would guess that Eli's existence in many ways mirrors living with a terminal illness (for centuries). Eli lives on the verge of death, and cannot concern herself with mortgages and job promotions and the next American Idol. There are things she has to do to survive, like moving often, not attracting attention, and killing for food. How could she explain this to Oskar? How devastating would it be to know you have to reveal these secrets, knowing it will probably drive him away?
When I saw Eli, bleeding from his eyes and ears and scalp, proving to Oskar that (1) he/she was horribly flawed (in normal world terms--vampire, and male), while (2) simultaneously showing him that he would make himself vulnerable for Oskar, I realized that LTROI was the best film I've encountered at demonstrating what its like for people to tell their deepest secrets to a lover, knowing full well that such supreme vulnerability may destroy the very relationship they need to ease their loneliness and pain.
Last edited by
pristidae on Mon Oct 05, 2009 5:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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