Oskar's mother

[a_contemplative_life]

It occurs to me that it is easy to look in retrospect at Oskar's "leaving" his mom in the middle of the night as a huge thing because of what happens at the end of the film. But viewed prospectively, with the understanding that Oskar had no knowledge that he would ultimately run away with Eli, he's basically deciding to sneak out to spend the night with a friend next door. I know the scene is a bit ambiguous, but clearly it was not as if he had no intention of ever returning home.

I don't really fault Yvonne to harshly. I just think that when the chips were down, it was Eli who came through for Oskar in the end. And with all the bodies lying around, it wasn't as if they were just going to go back home as if nothing ever happened. Not at all surprising, therefore, that he flees Blackeberg with her. I guess the way I see it, at some points in our lives we are presented with choices about who we want to love and be with. Oskar found that person in Eli, and made his choice. Yes, he knew that his mother loved him, but he saw a more perfect love in Eli.

[God of Vampires]

I have to say that I do not put any blame on Oskar's mother. I do agree with that she is not a bad mother, though she is not a good one either. Most of her failures is about dealing with the bullying problem, a problem which she denied completely. She should have seen the connection between Oskar's scar and the incident on the ice. But to be fair it is quite a common flaw in adults to lack abillity in dealing with this kinds of situations. As a child I did tell both teachers and my parents about these kinds of problems, no one ever did one thing to help me, they didn't believe me . Some adults really have a gift for denying the unpleasant truth right before their eyes, Oskar's mother are just one of many who do this.

In the end the only one capable of helping Oskar is Eli. If I remember it correctly, in the novel, Oskar at first tell Eli the same thing he told his mother about his scar. Eli doesn't believe him and assumes that it was inflicted by his class mates. Eli gives Oskar advice of how to deal with them. She effectively succeds in doing what his mother fails to do, I am not kidding when I say Eli gives Oskar more emotional support than both his parents combined.

[Xassandra]

i do acknowledge that Oskar's mother fails...she fails at the ways to try and save her son...she has been brought to a point that she did made mistakes that brought her nothing, she lost control somewhere but she is trying and loves Oskar and that is enough in my eyes...you know how delicate the problem of bullying is? It is just recently they brought that problem out in our country.... covernments trying to deal with the problem now cause it is a problem that really has been a pain for ages but is so delicate that nobody never spoke up (it is still delicate since the victims (like Oskar) don't like talking about it). So a single mom should actually have the answer?

There is a major, global problem with that, don't even dare to compare a human single mom (divorced of an alcoholic man) towards an old ancient vampire that has been around for decades and has seen more then her. Oskar has found in Eli...a best friend, a wise person with decades of experience and his love. There are kids that run away from perfect homes because they are blinded by love, teenagers tell more secret stuff to their best friends then to their parents (how perfect they even are)...and how cool it is for a teenage boy to have something like Eli to back you up huh? So Yvonne wouldn't even could have stand a chance against Eli even if she was the perfect mom. No one can, cause Eli is both his lover, his best friend and...his wise friend that can see through anything and give advice (thanks to decades of experience).

I just see a woman who is trying....and that's more then enough for me. there are woman that turn their back when their man abuses the children...put that against Oskar's mom and she is a saint. Why she didn't try harder? When a boy/girl hits the cap to become a young adult..anything can happen and anything can turn against you as a parent when saying something. I don't blame Yvonne for not speaking her mind and for not pushing him to tell cause that could have turned out that Oskar turns against her.

Yvonne is just a mother in the wrong situation.. any mother would fail against something like Eli. Even if she was perfect.

[Aurora]

I'm another one that has a lot of sympathy for Yvonne, but ultimately while she wasn't the cause of Oskars' problems she wasn't the solution either. The solution was of course Eli and it's unlikely that Yvonne would have approved of how things turned out.

I've said this before but I think that one of the reasons that this film isn't that popular with women is that the women in this film don't come out of it too well. Virginia is infected and gets a firey end, Oskars' teacher fails to spot the bullying getting out of hand and Yvonne loses her son to a cute but very dangerous predator...

[ykeleven]

I have always felt that between the scratch on Oskar's face and the episode with Conny, any good parent would get the clue that something is going wrong in their child's life, and would be moved to do something about it. All that we see Yvonne do is to try to shift responsibility to Oskar's absent father. Now I have come to feel sorry for Yvonne, as I suspect she must have realized on some level that she was failing Oskar, but she was powerless to do anything about it. But I am sure that she was failing him as a parent. The most symbolic scene for Yvonne was the last time we see her: Oskar is on the cusp of a momentous decision (to leave and go over to be with Eli) and when he visits her she is asleep. Oskar's world is shifting on its axis, and she is oblivious to it. That scene then became Oskar's goodbye to her. In the end, I don't think that Oskar felt he had very much to leave behind in Blackeberg.

I agree with this observation. I felt that she is not a bad mother, but more of an ineffective parents because of her situation and her character. Also, Oskar is 12 going to to 13. All teens break away from their parents (first love and first family) and find another family of their peers to establish themselves. Only later in life, once they have developed their own identity, do they seek out their parents and establish a new relationship.

[lombano]

Of course Eli is far more familiar with brutality than Yvonne is, and Oskar quite naturally confides in Eli more.

it's unlikely that Yvonne would have approved of how things turned out

I think that may be the understatement of the year... Seriously, while anyone who felt parental towards Eli would probably welcome Oskar with open arms, I think anyone who felt parental towards Oskar would be less than enthusiastic towards Eli.