Oskar's mother

[Xassandra]

yes, she lives in a place where the conditions of bringing up a child is very bad in my opinion. She tries as good as she can to make it work and she does care for Oskar.. the fact that she wants Oskar straight home from school when there is danger, proves that. There are parents on drugs, parents that even not care and let their children just run free and take no responsability at all. At least Yvonne cares and don't want him out in the street with such danger and Oskar mocks that, but which teenager doesn't do that? Practically all do that, some less, some more. That doesn't mean the parents are bad, it means they are growing up to be young adults.

And about the scar? I've been bullied around in school too, never told my parents and told lies cause i was ashamed. As a parent there's a thin line in being a caring parent or a interfering parent. She probably knows, just not how to deal with it and telling your child 'don't lie to me' is probably gonna make it worse in my opinion. It's delicate. And Eli is in Oskar eyes his loved one, he has a soft spot for her so it is easier to open up then.

Like Hume says, Yvonne needs to work and pay all burdens, the divorce and the fact that his father is an alcoholic is also a big burden, but she's trying at least. There are parents that have every advantage but treat their kids worse (very worse). And the scene with her and Oskar brushing their teeth, did gave a happy smile on my face. They were clearly having a laugh.

[lombano]

To me it seemed clear when she was on the phone with Erik she was more worried about what the school would think of her as a parent than of what was going on with Oskar. Also, she of her own volition completely abdicated responsibility to Oskar's useless father (was that the best she could do? it might've been understandable, even sensible, had he been another type of father, but not in the circumstances). That, and her unquestioning acceptance of Oskar's explanation for the cut (likewise later, when Oskar hits back, it seems she doesn't really want to know what is truly going on), to me show that it's not that she was trying and failing, but that she wasn't trying enough. Perhaps she would've failed anyway, but the point is she didn't try enough. This is made even clearer in the book; you know you've failed as a parent if your twelve-year old knows he'd end up comforting you if he turned to you for help in case of bullying.
A lot can be said in her defence, it's true she faces difficult circumstances, that she has nobody to turn to for support, that Oskar is very different from her, etc, and she's much better than Oskar's father. I wouldn't blame her at all if I felt she was trying (harder) and failing, but I got the impression that she was more worried about being seen as a good mother than actually being one.

You are really bad at parenting if a twelve year old killer does that better than you .

Eli in this scene strikes me more, esp. in the book, as an older brother than as a parent but yes, if a cannibalistic pre-pubescent serial killer that has practically just met your kid is better at it than you are, you've really failed.

[sauvin]

I think another factor we need to consider is that Oskar's parents are separated (maybe divorced?) and that his father is an alcoholic. There'd have been some horrific fights between them, with Oskar no doubt sometimes being used as a pawn in some unbelievably childish power plays. We've theorised in other topics that Oskar's father's alcoholism played an important part as Oskar rejected Eli's lies when she tried to give him money, and I have similarly little doubt that their pre-separation fighting caused Oskar to seek or erect an emotional barrier to insulate himself from it. As their fighting went on and on, Oskar would also have learned greater self-reliance than other children his age because he'd have learned that his plights and problems take second place to his parents' war. This alone, I think, could explain Oskar's distance from his mother, and his unwillingness (or inability) to trust her.

[Hume]

To me it seemed clear when she was on the phone with Erik she was more worried about what the school would think of her as a parent than of what was going on with Oskar. Also, she of her own volition completely abdicated responsibility to Oskar's useless father (was that the best she could do? it might've been understandable, even sensible, had he been another type of father, but not in the circumstances). That, and her unquestioning acceptance of Oskar's explanation for the cut (likewise later, when Oskar hits back, it seems she doesn't really want to know what is truly going on), to me show that it's not that she was trying and failing, but that she wasn't trying enough. Perhaps she would've failed anyway, but the point is she didn't try enough. This is made even clearer in the book; you know you've failed as a parent if your twelve-year old knows he'd end up comforting you if he turned to you for help in case of bullying.

These comments are true, but I would not slant it in such a negative direction. I have a more sympathetic feeling towards this character. I feel the behavior you described arises out of flaws in the character, and these flaws are exacerbated by the circumstances of her life.
Sending Oskar to his father to deal with the school incident, especially, shows she is still not independent of him. It's tragic.

[lombano]

yes, she lives in a place where the conditions of bringing up a child is very bad in my opinion.

Apart from the bullying the place doesn't seem to me to be so absolutely horrible - far from ideal, yes, but it could be much worse.

There are parents on drugs, parents that even not care and let their children just run free and take no responsability at all... Like Hume says, Yvonne needs to work and pay all burdens, the divorce and the fact that his father is an alcoholic is also a big burden, but she's trying at least. There are parents that have every advantage but treat their kids worse (very worse).

All true, but there are also better parents, or at least parents who try harder. Yes, she could be much worse. She's clearly not a monster but neither is she a good parent, not even a parent who fails due to circumstances entirely beyond her control.

I think another factor we need to consider is that Oskar's parents are separated (maybe divorced?) and that his father is an alcoholic. There'd have been some horrific fights between them, with Oskar no doubt sometimes being used as a pawn in some unbelievably childish power plays. We've theorised in other topics that Oskar's father's alcoholism played an important part as Oskar rejected Eli's lies when she tried to give him money, and I have similarly little doubt that their pre-separation fighting caused Oskar to seek or erect an emotional barrier to insulate himself from it. As their fighting went on and on, Oskar would also have learned greater self-reliance than other children his age because he'd have learned that his plights and problems take second place to his parents' war. This alone, I think, could explain Oskar's distance from his mother, and his unwillingness (or inability) to trust her.

The book specifies divorced. Anyway, I got more the impression that Oskar doesn't respect her mother as a parent, and thus sees talking to her about it as more trouble than it's worth.

[a_contemplative_life]

I got more the impression that Oskar doesn't respect her mother as a parent, and thus sees talking to her about it as more trouble than it's worth.

I don't think Oskar is ever deliberately disrespectful of his mom. There are small acts of defiance, like not wearing his hat when he goes out despite being reminded to do so, but I didn't see much beyond that. In the novel, he reflects about how she at one point threatened to leave him because he had been bad, but he knows she would not do that. I think he understands that she loves him, but I think he views her love in some respects as being ineffectual to help him in the ways that he needs help the most as he grows up and confronts all of the things that kids entering their teens have to deal with.

[gary13136]

Personally, I have always felt sympathy for Oskar's mother because she IS a single parent. Even though I'm not a woman, I was a single parent of my son until he was grown; almost 15 years. I know from personal experience how difficult it is; you never feel like you can do enough. Plus I think society is not very supportive of single parents. It's almost as if society says "you failed in your marriage so you'll most likely fail in parenting as well." Another thing I've noticed is that a lot of people are down on Yvonne because she seems to be concerned about what people think of her as a parent. Apparently some people aren't aware of how "appearances" are to a woman. Every woman I ever knew was concerned about how others thought of her as a mother. I think this is the nature of married women; to be very concerned about how they and their family are viewed by others. That's perfectly normal; to want to be well thought of by others. One thing that isn't really shown in the movie but was in the book is Yvonne's over-protectiveness of Oskar. In the movie you sort of get the impression that she is ignoring Oskar. But again, that is one of the characteristics of all the mothers that I remember: their protectiveness. They are protective always. Even after the children become adults.

[drakkar]

yes, she lives in a place where the conditions of bringing up a child is very bad in my opinion.

Apart from the bullying the place doesn't seem to me to be so absolutely horrible - far from ideal, yes, but it could be much worse.

It was some thread last winter about this, as far as I remember Blackeberg was a troubled neighborhood the period when JAL grew up, as hinted in the book. Now the place seems to be a nice and rather popular place to live. For you who can read Swedish there is the blog http://www.blackeberg.org/. I definitely liked the place.

[lombano]

I got more the impression that Oskar doesn't respect her mother as a parent, and thus sees talking to her about it as more trouble than it's worth.

I don't think Oskar is ever deliberately disrespectful of his mom. There are small acts of defiance, like not wearing his hat when he goes out despite being reminded to do so, but I didn't see much beyond that. In the novel, he reflects about how she at one point threatened to leave him because he had been bad, but he knows she would not do that. I think he understands that she loves him, but I think he views her love in some respects as being ineffectual to help him in the ways that he needs help the most as he grows up and confronts all of the things that kids entering their teens have to deal with.

I meant that Oskar had kind of written off his mother as feckless rather than being defiant.

[Kenny]

I gotta agree with Xassy here, if you havn't read the book it's really hard to determine and accuse Yvonne as a bad mother.
I mean, she is frantic when her son doesn't come home at night (who wouldn't) she obviously worries about him (who wouldn't) yes she accepts the lie of the scar (only natural, as be to honest, Oskar lies pretty good here and his explenation isn't far fetched, i mean i came home full of scars from time to time when i was at school ) and yes,she tries to hard, or maybe is over protective. (only natural she's a single mom, and she has to work, so yeah) and the scene with the toothbrush, they seem to get along just fine in that one.
As for Oskar mocking his mother...name me one person in the entire world who didn't mock one of their parents behind their backs at that age.

Again..., this explenation is purely based on the movie, book is a little different though as most of you mention, but no, in the movie she doesn't strike me as a bad mother per-say and i agree with Xass.

Just my opinion.