Oskar's mother

[Xassandra]

LTROI is all about Eli and Oskar..that's a given

But when seeing the movie, i was also touched by the relationship of Oskar and his mother and the fact that Eli made Oskar leave his town and his mom. In the beginning you can see that all is well between Oskar and his mother.. the getting along, caring for eachother is there. When the movie proceeds you see Oskar building a wall around him, not wanting to say anything about what he is going through (understandable..it's not easy to explain someone that your friend is a vampire but that you love her/him anyways). You can actually see in the movie how it evolves... from a good relationship to a mother in despair.

I'm a mother of a 6 (almost 7) year old daughter, i can actually feel her pain by putting myself in that situation. Her child is leaving in the end without her even knowing what the hell is going on. That's horrible for a mother. (well not all mothers care for their children of course but that's another discussion)

btw: sorry for the grammar mistakes in advance, my mother language isn't english....

[drakkar]

When the film start scratching the surface, all is not just well between Oskar and his mom. From the top of my head: Initially I get the feeling of distance between them, when Yvonne is talking to Oskar with her working clothes on (name badge and everything). I wondered if Oskar was visiting his mom's work until I realised they were home and she hadn't changed her clothes. Also, when Oskar eventually gets back on his bullies Yvonne is showing distance, she doesn't really want to deal with the problem. And eventually the problem goes away all by itself, but she has left herself with no control of how that's going to happen. Truly a sad story.

[Harls]

Also, when Oskar eventually gets back on his bullies Yvonne is showing distance, she doesn't really want to deal with the problem.

That's not really a fair assessment; she probably knew nothing about Oskar being bullied - having been in his position myself, I can tell you that I never mentioned my being bullied to my parents at all (which bullied child does?). You can imagine the shock she must have felt to be told that her son had injured someone's 'precious darling, who can do no wrong, and out of whose arse the sun shines' and probably imagined it was completely out of character (which, to some extent, it was) for him. She was obviously unaware of Eli's presence and influence upon Oskar and the fact that she proceeded to have a go at both him (without first asking for the facts) and his father showed she was completely out of her depth and mishandled the situation, forcing a deeper wedge between them both.

[Xassandra]

a relationship between a mother and child (especially when getting older) always has problems...but i don't see big issues between them...

That's not really a fair assessment; she probably knew nothing about Oskar being bullied - having been in his position myself, I can tell you that I never mentioned my being bullied to my parents at all (which bullied child does?). You can imagine the shock she must have felt to be told that her son had injured someone's 'precious darling, who can do no wrong' and probably imagined it was completely out of character (which, to some extent, it was) for him. She was obviously unaware of Eli's presence and influence upon Oskar and the fact that she proceeded to have a go at both him (without first asking for the facts) and his father showed she was completely out of her depth and mishandled the situation, forcing a deeper wedge between them both.

That's more likely the case i think, Oskar didn't tell much against his mom and she just didn't know how to react to everything that happened cause she doesn't know what's going on. I think it's a very sad story

[drakkar]

That's not really a fair assessment; she probably knew nothing about Oskar being bullied - having been in his position myself, I can tell you that I never mentioned my being bullied to my parents at all (which bullied child does?).

I am aware of that, and I was when I wrote my post (hence my "this is a sad story"). This isn't easy, this kind of pseudo communication (don't know how to put it) between children and adults which happens all the time. I don't blame Yvonne, she really does her best, but she don't stand a chance. This segregated world we live in - the parents not participating in several of their childrens spheres - like school - leadiong to loss of a real platform for communication and hence understanding and control of the situation.

An example of the opposite - (former) rural party culture in my country, where three generations (at least) are participating. Rarely any problems because it is very transparent. If it gets too bad, some grandma or grandpa deals with it, telling the youngsters if you do so and so it's much better.

[Wolfchild]

From the beginning I have had trouble being sympathetic to Yvonne. I felt that she was a failed parent to Oskar, and as a parent myself I could really not forgive her for it. I have gradually come around to feeling for her a little bit, because after all she is a single parent trying to raise and support her son on her own. She obviously does not have the emotional resources to handle that task, and that's not really her fault. Even so, her relationship with Oskar could have been better, and more importantly it could have been better for Oskar.

When Yvonne is telling Oskar that he must come directly home after school, look to the right of the frame, and you can see Oskar in the other room mocking her as she does so. This demonstrates that Oskar's respect for her is limited - if it exists at all. When Oskar comes home with the scratch on her face, he tells her an obvious lie about how it got there. She doesn't even question it. In fact, she swallows it so easily that I could believe that she consciously overlooked that it was a falsehood. Oskar obviously knew that he could get her to buy it. Then when Oskar whacks Conny and the school calls Yvonne about it, she straight out tells Oskar (and us) that can't deal with, and instead puts Oskar on the phone with his father. Even when it becomes clear to her that Erik is not really going to do anything about it either, all she can do is look away in exasperation.

I have always felt that between the scratch on Oskar's face and the episode with Conny, any good parent would get the clue that something is going wrong in their child's life, and would be moved to do something about it. All that we see Yvonne do is to try to shift responsibility to Oskar's absent father. Now I have come to feel sorry for Yvonne, as I suspect she must have realized on some level that she was failing Oskar, but she was powerless to do anything about it. But I am sure that she was failing him as a parent. The most symbolic scene for Yvonne was the last time we see her: Oskar is on the cusp of a momentous decision (to leave and go over to be with Eli) and when he visits her she is asleep. Oskar's world is shifting on its axis, and she is oblivious to it. That scene then became Oskar's goodbye to her. In the end, I don't think that Oskar felt he had very much to leave behind in Blackeberg.

[gattoparde59]

When Oskar comes home with the scratch on her face, he tells her an obvious lie about how it got there. She doesn't even question it. In fact, she swallows it so easily that I could believe that she consciously overlooked that it was a falsehood. Oskar obviously knew that he could get her to buy it.

That is the one part I would think of (and this has been brought up before). Yvonne deliberately chooses not to know that there is really something wrong with this wound. Eli is a real contrast to this. She asks Oskar what happened and does not even for one split second accept his lie. Eli takes the place of Oskar's parents, understands what is going on and tries to help Oskar with the worst problem in his life. (well the worst up to that point )That Eli asks "you have never hit back, have you?" is an interesting comment since she first saw him furiously stabbing a tree.

[God of Vampires]

You are really bad at parenting if a twelve year old killer does that better than you .

[a_contemplative_life]

I think there was an element of willful blindness on Oskar's mom's part in her relationship with him. She clearly loved Oskar, but I think maybe she loved Oskar as he was a few years younger than what we see in the story. Her love was a very protective kind of love and that required Oskar to be a perpetual little kid, which he obviously could not be. I think this comes through more clearly in the novel, with Oskar's private musings about how she would react if she realized he was being bullied--she would fuss over him, maybe call the bully's mom, but ultimately Oskar foresaw that her intervention would be ineffective to change anything. Had the marriage between Erik and Yvonne been intact, I think maybe Yvonne's love for Oskar might have evolved as he grew up; but with Erik out of the picture, and her having to work all the time, I think he love for Oskar remained stunted. I could be wrong about this, and I know the psychodynamics of this are beyond my understanding, but that is my impression of what was going on.

[Hume]

In defense of Yvonne I'll bring up the social and economic situation in which she is living. She's divorced, working class, uneducated, and a woman. Her job is probably exhausting, long hours, low wages, low status, high stress.
She seems to be kind of a nervous person as well, and I think this trait is aggravated by her stress and exhaustion.
I think she is like any parent: she loves her son the best she can and is doing the best she can for him. She just doesn't have all the advantages some parents have.