Tommy - the screenplay

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gkmoberg1
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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by gkmoberg1 » Sun Mar 27, 2016 4:27 pm

Write an outline of Act One (10 minutes) of your three act pilot episode. (The pilot episode will be three 10 minute acts.) The outline is to be no more than one page. This is not yet script writing; this is prose. Do not be concerned with script format. Just tell the story of Act One (and only Act One).
  • Working on it...

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Drakeule
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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by Drakeule » Sun Mar 27, 2016 4:28 pm

Tommy the zombie-pedophile-vampire slayer. Well, there's your title. :D

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dongregg
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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by dongregg » Sun Mar 27, 2016 4:32 pm

GK, it's coming along nicely. :)
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by gkmoberg1 » Sun Mar 27, 2016 4:40 pm

Drakeule wrote:Tommy the zombie-pedophile-vampire slayer. Well, there's your title. :D
Maybe I can get Sarah Gellar to play the role of Tommy :lol:

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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by gkmoberg1 » Mon Mar 28, 2016 3:00 am

gkmoberg1 wrote:Write an outline of Act One (10 minutes) of your three act pilot episode. (The pilot episode will be three 10 minute acts.) The outline is to be no more than one page. This is not yet script writing; this is prose. Do not be concerned with script format. Just tell the story of Act One (and only Act One).
  • A blackened store interior is revealed by the slow waving of two flashlights. Tommy and his friend Robban make their way along the aisles where toys, dolls, games and puzzles sit on shelves. The two banter at each other as they make their way along. Tommy reminds Robban that the money, if there’s any to be found, will be in the office at the back of the store. As they pass an eye-level display of remote controlled cars, Tommy gets a grin and grabs a pair. Robban seizes a set of knock-off Rubik’s cubes but Tommy tells him to put them back. They reach the back and find the office unlocked. Unfortunately there’s no money to be found. They make their way to the front, where they broke in through the partial glass front door but are met by a man out walking. He realizes something is amiss and calls through the broken window, asking who is in the store. The boys dash out the back and race away into the night. A minute later a car accelerates away - Tommy and Robban laughing while Lasse drives and peppers them with questions on how the gig went.

    Tommy lies in his bed, reading the instruction book for the remote control car. Afternoon sunshine lights the room. Sitting up he looks at the picture of his dad that he keeps on the dresser. He recalls a scene from several years ago when he, dad and his mother went and spent the day at the Skansen open air museum and the Royal Zoological Park. That had been a good day. He recalls sounds of his parent and he laughing. Dad had bought him a poster and some sweets. But that was all gone now. Flash forward to a scene of Tommy's dad lying in a hospital bed. Dad is gaunt, scarcely the man from the prior memory. Tommy and his mother sit by the bed for what is a long afternoon while dad does little lie in bed.

    A knock at the door ends Tommy’s daydreaming. Staffan opens the door, dressed in police uniform, and tells Tommy to come on out and watch some television with them and that dinner is ready. They trade an awkward stare and Staffan closes the door. Tommy folds the instructions up and puts them away. He hears his mother call him from across the apartment. He looks again at the picture of his dad and then opens the door and exits.

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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by gkmoberg1 » Mon Mar 28, 2016 4:42 am

Here's my first draft of Scene 1 of Act One.

We've been taught that there are four different types of entry that makes up the majority of a script. There is the scene label, action/setting statement, character name and character dialog. We are to ignore the other entry types; I'm not sure what they would be. We are not to name camera angles nor how fade ins/outs occur.

  • A scene label is in ALL CAPS and left-justified against the left-hand margin. It is to begin with EXT. (exterior) or INT. (interior), then the location, then a time-of-day indicator.
  • Action/Setting statements name characters and props in ALL CAPS. These statements always describe what is happening using present tense.
  • Characters are named in ALL CAPS just before their dialog is given. The name is to be centered on the page. If the person speaking is "off set", then put "(O.S)" after the name.
  • Dialog is given without quotation marks. Dialog is left-justified but not all the way to the left-hand margin.


Scene 1.... This is early September 1981 on a weeknight shortly after midnight. Their first burglary. In a couple weeks they'll do so again at a local electronics store. Yes, I made this up; this event is not in the novel.


INT. VÄLLINGBY (SWEDEN) TOY STORE – NIGHT

TOMMY and ROBBAN, holding FLASHLIGHTS, leave the front counter and cash register of a dark, closed toy store. They walk along the dark aisles of the store. Toys, dolls, games and puzzles are on the shelves.

      • TOMMY
  • Our only chance is to find some money is to look through the office at the back.

      • ROBBAN
  • Are we going to be able to get in?

      • TOMMY
  • Mikael said Pale never locks it.


The two come upon a selection of remote-control race cars. TOMMY pulls a pair from the shelf.

      • TOMMY
  • No need to leave these behind.


ROBBAN looks around for something, spots some imitation Rubik’s Cubes and grabs a pair.

      • TOMMY
  • Don’t bother with that crap. Let’s go.


In the back storage area of the store, TOMMY and ROBBAN find the office is unlocked. Searching the desk and shelves turns up on money.

      • TOMMY
  • Dammit. Come on, let’s get out of here.

      • ROBBAN
  • You said there would be money!

      • TOMMY
  • Mikael said there would be money. He said he would make sure Pale wouldn’t take it all tonight. How am I to know where it is?

      • ROBBAN
  • Great.

      • TOMMY
  • We’ll take it up with Mikael tomorrow. He promised.


The two make their way back through the store towards the front.

EXT. VÄLLINGBY (SWEDEN) CITY CENTER – NIGHT

A man and woman, walking together, cross the empty city center. The woman spots the waving illumination of the flashlights within the toy store and the two change course and approach the store. They spot that the glass that makes up the top half of the front door is largely covered over with duct tape but that a small section close to the door’s lock and handle has been broken away. The glass is missing from this section and the door is slightly open.

      • MAN
  • Who’s in there? What’s going on?


The flashlights within stop their movement and then are turned off.

      • ROBBAN (O.S.)
  • Get out! Get out!

      • TOMMY (O.S.)
  • Come on. This way!


TOMMY and ROBBAN run to the back of the store, knocking some items to the floor as they reach the back. They sprint through the back storage area and out the side entrance. Tommy drops the boxes of the two remote-control race cars along the way. They leave empty handed.

MAN, having run along the front of store and reaching the side street, spots ROBBAN and TOMMY exiting the store from the far side entrance.

      • MAN
  • Hey, you two!


TOMMY and ROBBAN flee down the street and disappear from sight. The MAN does not give chase.

      • WOMAN (O.S.)
  • Two? Do you see them? Did you see them?


MAN turns to WOMAN and throws up his hands in despair.


End of scene.

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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by gkmoberg1 » Mon Mar 28, 2016 4:57 am

I have in mind three more scenes for Act One. I will post them here once I have a draft of them.

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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by PeteMork » Mon Mar 28, 2016 5:31 am

Hmmm. Doesn't your draft of Scene 1 Act One disagree with the second paragraph of your outline?

"They leave empty handed," yet Tommy apparently has retained at least one of the remote control cars in the outline. :think:
We never stop reading, although every book comes to an end, just as we never stop living, although death is certain. (Roberto Bolaño)

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Re: Tommy - the screenplay

Post by gkmoberg1 » Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:01 pm

Yes it does; you have a keen eye! Between when I wrote the outline and then wrote the draft for scene 1 of act one, I thought it better that he loses the remote control car. Then during their upcoming robbery of the electronics store, he'llunexpectedly get a second chance at one. By denying him the car this first time, he'll really want it the second time the opportunity presents itself.

Plus, I'm not surprised that he's outside playing with it within a couple of weeks. They're a lot of fun. Yet, he doesn't startle Oskar with it until Oct 21st. If he has the car sooner, it's likely he would have startled Oskar sooner. So, while the novel does not directly say that the remote control car is a result of the electronics store burglary, I think it's likely enough that I'll add it up that way.

Sound good?

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