Cold
December 17, 2001, Blackeberg, Sweden (20 years after the events of Let the Right One In)
Rebekka stood outside the large brick apartment building, amazed at how low the price was on the apartment she had acquired. Before walking in she looked up and stared at the beautiful night sky. The countless stars and bright full moon shined back at her.
“Come on Rikhard, let’s go see our new apartment!”
After losing her job in Norway, Rebekka struggled to find work until she found a job as an accountant for a small business in Sweden. Rebekka had been used to moving all around as she had done it for years. She looked night and day for a new place to live for her and her son until she stumbled upon a listing for an apartment in Blackeberg for incredibly cheap.
BLACKEBERG, SWEDEN: 775 SQUARE FOOT APARTMENT. 2 BEDROOM, 2 BATH. 1650 KRONOR/MONTH. CALL: 46 8 32 17 90 for more information.
She had to take advantage of that. Money was tight and she had no choice. The deal was just too good.
Rebekka walked in with Rikhard holding her hand. The apartment was very dimly lit and looked as though the lights hadn’t been changed in a few months. A woman who looked like she was in her 60s immediately greeted her with a smile.
“Hello there! How can I help you today!” the lady said in an obviously fake happy voice.
“Hello… I’m the one who called about the apartment for 1650 Kronor!” Rebekka said in an even less genuine happy voice.
The lady’s plastic smile quickly transformed into a grim frown. It looked as though she had just seen a ghost.
“Oh… well um… you just have to sign a few papers then you can officially move in.”
The lady obviously no longer looked overjoyed. Something was wrong.
Rebekka took the agreement and signed it and the lady took the contract out of her hand swiftly, as if she didn’t want her to take it back, and gave Rebekka the key.
“Yeah, I couldn’t believe the price! It’s like someone died there or something! Haha!” Rebekka joked.
“Your apartment will be the 5th one from the bottom!” the lady said quickly, cutting her of and almost rushing Rebekka up to the apartment.
As Rebekka and Rikhard walked up the stairs to their new place, a cold breeze went over the hall, as if all the happiness had been drained from the world.
They finally arrived at the front door of their new apartment. The door was severely beaten up and hadn’t been replaced like the other doors in the complex.
Rebekka inserted the key she’d been given into the door and unlocked it. She opened the door and saw what was inside. Rebekka smiled.
“It’s perfect Rikhard!”
The apartment was as cold as ice, totally void of furniture, and better yet there were covers already attached to the windows, blocking out any type of light.
“Now what do we always say before we walk in somewhere, Rikhard?”
The boy said in a cheerful tone
“May I come in?”
Cold
Re: Cold
Good to see you've posted your story. Keep going. 
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”
Re: Cold
There's an error here. The events in the novel took place in late 1981, while the film was in early 1982. So what year did you intend it to be? 1972, 10 years before LtROI, or 2002, 20 years after?epicfan84 wrote:December 17, 1972, Blackeberg, Sweden (20 years after the events of Let the Right One In
Some additional observations:
About renting. Swedish apartments are not rented on site, but in an office somewhere. (Since there were papers to sign, I gather the rental was first hand and not black market.) And what apartment did Rebekka enter initially? The landlady's? If so, this is an americanism. We don't have landladies in Sweden. I therefore suggest you rewrite the opening, and let it begin with Rebekka entering the apartment after having signed the papers and been handed the keys at an office somewhere else. She might remember the scene with the landlord's representative, if you want to keep it.
About the ad - in Sweden we label apartments after the number of rooms. A two bedroom apartment would likely be what's called a "trea" (literally a three-er), i.e. it would have two bedrooms and a living room apart from a kitchen and a bathroom. This is usually abbreviated 3rok, meaning three rooms and a kitchen. Another thing that surprises me is the two bathrooms, which seems extravagant for such a small apartment. But perhaps one of those is just a tiny toilet?
Finally - I really need an explanation for the covered windows. No sound landlord would have left those in. But just give an explanation in the next chapter, and I'll be satisfied. Perhaps...
Last edited by metoo on Wed Sep 09, 2015 8:43 am, edited 3 times in total.
But from the beginning Eli was just Eli. Nothing. Anything. And he is still a mystery to me. John Ajvide Lindqvist
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Mishrashade48
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Re: Cold
Truly chilling(zing!!) 
Epic, come on, I want to see more. You can't leave me hanging with that mysterious ending.
Great job, this was very cool.
Epic, come on, I want to see more. You can't leave me hanging with that mysterious ending.
Great job, this was very cool.
All of life's journeys come with meetings, partings, and reunions.
Re: Cold
That was probably the best non intentional cliff hanger I have ever seen (unless of course it was intentional then good job). Have they met Eli and Oskar at some point and picked of that habit from them? Or perhaps The mother was friends with a vampire at some point in her life and thought it would be cute to teach her son that. Or maybe its completely unrelated and just a tease.
STILL
Good stuff Epic.
from what you posted I'm not sure if this is a one shot or if you plan on making this a series, I for one would love to see more, but it was still enjoyable as a standalone.
STILL
Good stuff Epic.
from what you posted I'm not sure if this is a one shot or if you plan on making this a series, I for one would love to see more, but it was still enjoyable as a standalone.
Re: Cold
Crap lol I flipped to the first date I saw in the book because I forgot the year haha! I'll correct that real quick. Meant it 2002.metoo wrote:There's an error here. The events in the novel took place in late 1981, while the film was in early 1982. So what year did you intend it to be? 1972, 10 years before LtROI, or 2002, 20 years after?epicfan84 wrote:December 17, 1972, Blackeberg, Sweden (20 years after the events of Let the Right One In
Some additional observations:
About renting. Swedish apartments are not rented on site, but in an office somewhere. (Since there were papers to sign, I gather the rental was first hand and not black market.) And what apartment did Rebekka enter initially? The landlady's? If so, this is an americanism. We don't have landladies in Sweden. I therefore suggest you rewrite the opening, and let it begin with Rebekka entering the apartment after having signed the papers and been handed the keys at an office somewhere else. She might remember the scene with the landlord's representative, if you want to keep it.
About the ad - in Sweden we label apartments after the number of rooms. A two bedroom apartment would likely be what's called a "trea" (literally a three-er), i.e. it would have two bedrooms and a living room apart from a kitchen and a bathroom. This is usually abbreviated 3rok, meaning three rooms and a kitchen. Another thing that surprises me is the two bathrooms, which seems extravagant for such a small apartment. But perhaps one of those is just a tiny toilet?
Finally - I really need an explanation for the covered windows. No sound landlord would have left those in. But just give an explanation in the next chapter, and I'll be satisfied. Perhaps...
Thanks for the corrections but I'm not incredibly worried about those little things. I understand authenticity is important but I'm just trying to write a decent story. You could find a thousand reasons why this story wouldn't be authentic. Not trying to just completely disregard your comments (which are very valid) but if I spent a ton of time worrying about those things it'd take me weeks to submit a story when I really only have a few days.
In response to the windows, I tried to make it seem like the apartment had barely been touched in twenty years. Maybe cleaned a few times. Even the landlady was afraid to go in there.
"Real love is to offer your life at the feet of another"