Set Me as a Seal Part 2

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dongregg
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Tue Sep 22, 2015 2:53 am

gkmoberg1 wrote:My worry is this: The police can go back to the store where Eli bought the clothes and ask the clerk what she bought. If he remembers well enough, the investigators can find a boy who would fit the same clothing - in the same sizes - that Eli purchased for "her brother." The clerk might, for example, remember the length of the inseam for the pants Eli brough with her. This would give them a pretty good picture of size of her brother. As well the department store might be able to find clothes that match what Eli was wearing. Now they can have two children dressed up so as to match the two they are looking for.

Such an exciting chapter for your story! The kids are lucky, very lucky, to find Mr Ávila who is so willing to take them in. While I think this would take a great deal longer to actually develop, I am content to 'go with it' for the sake of this story.
Sweet Jesus! You are absolutely prescient. The descriptions and even photos of the clothes show up in Dagens Nyheter on day three. The police mill grinds slow, but it grinds exceedingly fine. Too late for the police to take advantage of that intelligence. The kids are gone. But that is part of the story that got cut out, along with the interrogation of the other people at the club. All good stuff. If any of it goes back in, it will be to build suspense and pump up the growing danger to the kids.

You and Trige both commented on how quickly Mr. Ávila bought in, but that is essential for two reasons. One, they don't have any more time left in Vällingby. They are more than ready to head back to Örebro regardless of how it goes with the call to him. (Note that Oskar is the "brainiac," but he always defers to Eli's intuition.) Two, if Mr. Ávila is at all timid or tepid in his commitment, he will not be able to completely take charge of their living arrangements in Malmö. He would devolve into a kind of Håkan, minus the blood collecting, and the new and stable life they seek would just be another big disappointment. Note the equanimity with which Ávila accepts that he's got two little vampires on his hands. That will be echoed later in Malmö in another freaky situation. Ávila is just one cool dude.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Sun Sep 27, 2015 1:38 am

metoo wrote:
dongregg wrote:Thanks, yes, I do have a question about the fast ferries. What were their hours of operation? If daylight only, the kids will have to find another way.
If my memory serves me right, they would run until midnight, then pause until early next morning. The hydroplanes made the first and last tours every day.

Turns out I was right - I found pictures of an actual tour schedule for the fast boats from 1982...
I am several vignettes into the next story. Knowing these times is essential for the story to flow smoothly (especially in the warm months when the nights are short).
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Sun Sep 27, 2015 2:10 am

gkmoberg1 wrote:My worry is this: The police can go back to the store where Eli bought the clothes and ask the clerk what she bought. If he remembers well enough, the investigators can find a boy who would fit the same clothing - in the same sizes - that Eli purchased for "her brother." The clerk might, for example, remember the length of the inseam for the pants Eli brough with her. This would give them a pretty good picture of size of her brother. As well the department store might be able to find clothes that match what Eli was wearing. Now they can have two children dressed up so as to match the two they are looking for.

Such an exciting chapter for your story! The kids are lucky, very lucky, to find Mr Ávila who is so willing to take them in. While I think this would take a great deal longer to actually develop, I am content to 'go with it' for the sake of this story.
Okay, GK, I've continued to give thought to your words. At the first opportunity, I will add that the second press release contains a description of the clothing (with photos) and a calculation of how tall the girl's "brother" is. If the investigator had moved quickly, he might have found the store almost at once. But, after all, the girl was just a potential witness, not a "person of interest," so the police cannot be faulted for pursuing the obvious leads first.

I will use your observations to show clearly how quickly and thoroughly the danger of being in the Blackeberg area developed. Same outcome. They are lucky that Ávila's flat is located such that they don't use the route that Eli used on her shopping trip. Whew!

As for Ávila, I only know him from the film, so I feel free to interpret his personality based on his concern for Oskar, which he demonstrates at several points in the film. And for purposes of this fan fiction, he is as cool and smooth as Jello. And however one interprets him, it can't take him long to see through Oskar. He knows Oskar. He hasn't seen him for about 15 months, but Oskar hasn't changed. Of course he figures out that Oskar is as big a mystery as the slaughter at the pool was. They are linked, and they can't be explained in terms of everyday occurrences. Add the pallor and a few other clues, and Mr. Ávila puts it together. On the first night. Why would it take any longer than that?

Moreover, if he doesn't act decisively, the kids will be out of his life forever. He's got nothing going for him now, and they bring him an opportunity to be part of a profound mystery. And as you say, "I am content to 'go with it' for the sake of this story." You have seen Ávila in action in a preview of the final vignette in the next segment of the tale. That's who our Spanish friend is consistently in this fan fiction.

Thanks to you and Trige for giving me the push I need to make the police part better.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by gkmoberg1 » Sun Sep 27, 2015 4:05 am

This is your fanfiction and you are working from the movie - so I am content to read along and see this work along in the vision you have.

And am glad to be inspiring your works. Happy writing!

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by metoo » Sun Sep 27, 2015 5:41 am

dongregg wrote:[....] Mr. Ávila puts it together. On the first night. Why would it take any longer than that?
Because that's not how people work. People readily perceive stuff that confirms their beliefs, while things that contradicts them have a hard time to come through. And most people put vampires, and magic in general, firmly in the realm of fairy tales.

This means that in order for Mr Ávila to "put it together", i.e. understand that Oskar has become a vampire, he needs to have been prepared beforehand. You need to tell in what way, to make your Ávila credible. How come that he so quickly came to such a far-fetched conclusion? What is Ávila's pre-history?
But from the beginning Eli was just Eli. Nothing. Anything. And he is still a mystery to me. John Ajvide Lindqvist

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Sun Sep 27, 2015 6:47 am

metoo wrote:
dongregg wrote:[....] Mr. Ávila puts it together. On the first night. Why would it take any longer than that?
Because that's not how people work. People readily perceive stuff that confirms their beliefs, while things that contradicts them have a hard time to come through. And most people put vampires, and magic in general, firmly in the realm of fairy tales.

This means that in order for Mr Ávila to "put it together", i.e. understand that Oskar has become a vampire, he needs to have been prepared beforehand. You need to tell in what way, to make your Ávila credible. How come that he so quickly came to such a far-fetched conclusion? What is Ávila's pre-history?
I wonder if others will have the same question. But Ávila would have to be a poster child for the dull normal in order to not get it. Background? Consider -- everyone in Blackeberg was confronted with events at the pool that defy rational explanation, and here now is Oskar, 15 months later, the primary person who is associated with the events. He's now 14 but hasn't changed at all. His voice is still high pitched, he is the same height, and his features haven't changed -- unlikely for someone who should now be on the adolescent side of puberty. Add to that the nocturnal visit, the new companion with the same pallor, and both of them exuding a faint, necrotic odor. He has his suspicions the first night. He tests his suspicions but still does not come to a conclusion until Oskar himself admits they live off blood.

Why would Oskar admit that so readily? Because he has nothing to lose. He and Eli don't expect much to come of the meeting and are ready to blow town, something that Ávila would not be able to prevent, even if the kids were to leave him alive. They are vampires, strong like an elephant, and the night is young. They could be a third of the way to Örebro before sun up.

Now, inasmuch as I am a trainee writer of fan fictions, I subsist primarily on encouragement. So I would just ask, is this a story you would like to keep reading? I ask because the story will continue. Even as I ask, however, it seems as though I'm asking a question like, "Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?" But then, I have my insecurities.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by metoo » Sun Sep 27, 2015 7:24 am

dongregg wrote: I wonder if others will have the same question. But Ávila would have to be a poster child for the dull normal in order to not get it. Background? Consider -- everyone in Blackeberg was confronted with events at the pool that defy rational explanation, and here now is Oskar, 15 months later, the primary person who is associated with the events. He's now 14 but hasn't changed at all. His voice is still high pitched, he is the same height, and his features haven't changed -- unlikely for someone who should now be on the adolescent side of puberty. Add to that the nocturnal visit, the new companion with the same pallor, and both of them exuding a faint, necrotic odor. He has his suspicions the first night. He tests his suspicions but still does not come to a conclusion until Oskar himself admits they live off blood.
Sorry, but I don't agree.

First, there was only one witness to the pool event, a kid of twelve. Everyone else in Blackeberg was not confronted with this. However, (in the movie) Mr Ávila most likely was confronted with the results, i.e. three corpses, a sobbing kid, and another one having disappeared without a trace. The sobbing kid might have tried telling, between his sobs, what he had witnessed, but would Mr Ávila have believed that story? Well, perhaps if he didn't accept it right away, it still might have lingered in his mind when Oskar returned, but you say nothing about this in your story.

Regarding Oskar's unchanging appearance, a very likely explanation would be that Oskar simply was late into puberty. Why would Mr Ávila assume anything else?

Thus, I maintain that you need to add a paragraph or two to explain why Mr Ávila reacted the way he did. What was he thinking? As it is, I find it rather unconvincing.
But from the beginning Eli was just Eli. Nothing. Anything. And he is still a mystery to me. John Ajvide Lindqvist

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by gkmoberg1 » Sun Sep 27, 2015 2:30 pm

Creating a backstory for Mr. Avila - as from the film - could well close these concerns, as you suggest. We can invent most anything given how little we learn about this character - what shall we cook up? Oh, wait, this is dongregg's story... I must tell my imagination to calm down.

What age should we give to film's Mr. Avila? Actor Cayetano Ruiz could be placed anywhere from his 30s up through his 50s. Agree? That puts his birth between (1982-59) 1923 to (1982-30) 1952. If we say he is from Spain, then the horrors and grim life of Spain's Civil War as well as its aftermath would be part of his early life. If he is from, say, Argentina then we need to delve into that country's and region's history. Perhaps there could be a story here of a family that flees Spain during the late 30s and resettles in Argentina. Oh, like that. But, durn, this is dongregg's story and not mine. (I have a lot of gardening to do today. I know already my mind is goinig to be stuck on possible back stories the entire time! Oh, this is going to be fun. :D )

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Sun Sep 27, 2015 5:31 pm

gkmoberg1 wrote:Creating a backstory for Mr. Avila - as from the film - could well close these concerns, as you suggest. We can invent most anything given how little we learn about this character - what shall we cook up? Oh, wait, this is dongregg's story... I must tell my imagination to calm down.

What age should we give to film's Mr. Avila? Actor Cayetano Ruiz could be placed anywhere from his 30s up through his 50s. Agree? That puts his birth between (1982-59) 1923 to (1982-30) 1952. If we say he is from Spain, then the horrors and grim life of Spain's Civil War as well as its aftermath would be part of his early life. If he is from, say, Argentina then we need to delve into that country's and region's history. Perhaps there could be a story here of a family that flees Spain during the late 30s and resettles in Argentina. Oh, like that. But, durn, this is dongregg's story and not mine. (I have a lot of gardening to do today. I know already my mind is goinig to be stuck on possible back stories the entire time! Oh, this is going to be fun. :D )
Great! I mean, really great! In the next part of the tale, we don't learn Ávila's age, but bits of backstory come in as needed. His extended family lives in the house they've owned for generations in Barcelona, and he has to use a relative to dummy up some grade school transcripts to establish that OskarMackayand Eli Ruiz really are international students. Yes about growing up in fascist Spain. It's why he was teaching in Sweden. But now the idea of returning is appealing (although still years off as the tale unfolds in Malmö and Copenhagenand then in a new country each year.

Thank you! So much of these vignettes unfold here on the forum, in PMs, and especially, too, on Google Maps and Wikipedia -- most of which will never make it to the page -- that the world of Oskar and Eli becomes enriched beyond my own meager imagination.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Fri Oct 02, 2015 7:12 pm

metoo wrote:
dongregg wrote: I wonder if others will have the same question. But Ávila would have to be a poster child for the dull normal in order to not get it. Background? Consider -- everyone in Blackeberg was confronted with events at the pool that defy rational explanation, and here now is Oskar, 15 months later, the primary person who is associated with the events. He's now 14 but hasn't changed at all. His voice is still high pitched, he is the same height, and his features haven't changed -- unlikely for someone who should now be on the adolescent side of puberty. Add to that the nocturnal visit, the new companion with the same pallor, and both of them exuding a faint, necrotic odor. He has his suspicions the first night. He tests his suspicions but still does not come to a conclusion until Oskar himself admits they live off blood.
Sorry, but I don't agree.

First, there was only one witness to the pool event, a kid of twelve. Everyone else in Blackeberg was not confronted with this. However, (in the movie) Mr Ávila most likely was confronted with the results, i.e. three corpses, a sobbing kid, and another one having disappeared without a trace. The sobbing kid might have tried telling, between his sobs, what he had witnessed, but would Mr Ávila have believed that story? Well, perhaps if he didn't accept it right away, it still might have lingered in his mind when Oskar returned, but you say nothing about this in your story.

Regarding Oskar's unchanging appearance, a very likely explanation would be that Oskar simply was late into puberty. Why would Mr Ávila assume anything else?

Thus, I maintain that you need to add a paragraph or two to explain why Mr Ávila reacted the way he did. What was he thinking? As it is, I find it rather unconvincing.
You have been so helpful in supplying details of life in Sweden to make this story seem realistic. In fact, you've gone above and beyond. For that reason, I will of course pay attention to anything you say that can make the story better. However, I must disagree with your suggestion to add more explanation as to why Ávila realized that what he was seeing could not be explained in rational or commonsense terms.

The key is the combined effect of his observations. Ávila could try your approach of explaining away each observation, but why would he?

The palor -- It's mid-May. He knows how Oskar and other students would look, and it's not uniformly pale.

"Everybody knew." How? They read newspapers and watch TV. As you pointed out in another post, people in Göteborg or anywhere else in Sweden would have been able to recognize Oskar from seeing his photo. If I were still reporting in 1982, I would have done what I could to pump up the "Blackeberg Massacre," not just run a picture.

In the film (which, as you know, this tale is primarily based on), there's no reason to think that Ávila would not have come into the pool area and seen the carnage.
Regarding Oskar's unchanging appearance, a very likely explanation would be that Oskar simply was late into puberty.
Yes, Oskar's growth spurt could have been an outlier, which makes it unlikely rather than likely, because...
Boys tend to show the first physical changes of puberty between the ages of 10 and 16. They tend to grow most quickly between ages 12 and 15. [Oskar is 14 at this time.] The growth spurt of boys is, on average, about 2 years later than that of girls. By age 16, most boys have stopped growing, but their muscles will continue to develop.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/gro ... o_18.html#

There's the necrotic odor that he notices when he hugs Oskar and Eli.

He knows there is no rational explanation for what he observes, so he sets up a couple of tests -- can they meet him during the day? Do they eat regular food? Even when he confronts them, it is Oskar who names their true nature, that they kill people and drink their blood.

I haven't added any clues in my response to your post. The clues are presented in a pretty straightforward way in the story (just as they are in my original reply, which you quoted above).

All better now?
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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