Set Me as a Seal Part 2

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metoo
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by metoo » Fri Oct 02, 2015 7:56 pm

dongregg wrote:All better now?
Well, since you asked, I should reply. And my answer is: Not really. What you have done now is in effect posting an instruction of how to read your story. That shouldn't be needed. I therefore stand by my opinion that your story would benefit from an explanation of how Mr Ávila came to his conclusion. As part of the story, that is.
Last edited by metoo on Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
But from the beginning Eli was just Eli. Nothing. Anything. And he is still a mystery to me. John Ajvide Lindqvist

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EEA
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by EEA » Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:26 pm

I plan to read this story later tonight. :) I been meaning for a while but haven't found the time.
I wrote this story a while ago in which the man Mr. Hernan was suppose to be Mr. Avila in my original idea.

http://www.let-the-right-one-in.com/for ... 5&start=30

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dongregg
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:45 pm

metoo wrote:
dongregg wrote:All better now?
Well, since you asked, I should reply. And my answer is: Not really. What you have done now is in effect posted an instruction of how to read your story. That shouldn't be needed. I therefore stand by my opinion that your story would benefit from an explanation of how Mr Ávila came to his conclusion. As part of the story, that is.
Nah. I just hit the highlights of what's there in order to rebut your points: principally about nobody knowing about the massacre and Oskar's lack of physical changes. Two readers said the reveal should have taken longer, but in this story, it didn't take longer. Trige said Ávila isn't a warm person and that Eli is a boy, but she said that's from the book. She also said she looks forward to more of the story, and I hope you do, too.

The police and store clerks need work and will get it. Otherwise, watch for the next episode in a few weeks, provisionally titled "Malmö." Your help with that setting has made a number of things possible, especially about how accessible Copenhagen would be to Malmö in 1983. How the harbor area looked and the waiting area. All solid, and all stuff my searches didn't turn up. Thank you again.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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gkmoberg1
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by gkmoberg1 » Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:37 am

I think a field trip is in order. We can all meet in Copehagen and make our way over to Malmö. From there, a good tour of the harbor and waterfront. And then, well, then whatever trouble we can get into. Maybe we'll even catch sight of the two little rascals after dusk. Who knows?

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dongregg
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:57 am

gkmoberg1 wrote:I think a field trip is in order. We can all meet in Copenhagen and make our way over to Malmö. From there, a good tour of the harbor and waterfront. And then, well, then whatever trouble we can get into. Maybe we'll even catch sight of the two little rascals after dusk. Who knows?
Hey, yeah, and then a leisurely jaunt to Barcelona where, God willing and the Creek don't rise, the little family will end up. :D
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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dongregg
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Thu Oct 15, 2015 4:19 am

gkmoberg1 wrote:
I think a field trip is in order. We can all meet in Copenhagen and make our way over to Malmö. From there, a good tour of the harbor and waterfront. And then, well, then whatever trouble we can get into. Maybe we'll even catch sight of the two little rascals after dusk. Who knows?
Since tourists and inebriates are among their favorite prey, we'll need to watch each other's back! :mrgreen:

And, as you, PeteMork, and Mishrashade48 know from helping me get the next part of the story in shape, they're out most nights be-bopping around like the regular kids they yearn to be. Until it grows late, that is, at which time they don black sweats and prowl or hunt, invisible in the shadows. Eeeee. But if we want to catch sight of them, there's a little amateur theater in Limhamn preparing to present their winter production of Shakespeare in Swedish, En midsommarnattsdröm. I guess we'll find out if Oskar and Eli can act, and if Kåre and Lina are better.

I wish I knew when to start submitting the new vignettes for moderation, but it's still necessary to back-fit stuff based on the later vignettes, especially to lay the groundwork leading up to when Eli's guilt explodesin, um, episode 9 is it?

I've gussied up Part 2 to account for my discrepancies concerning the police investigation. The inspector's name is Detective Sergeant Per Morkus. He seems like a solid enough investigator, and he and Agnetha, the medical examiner, sure seem friendly with each other. If this were on TV, they would flirt for a season and then end with a cliffhanger as to whether they will get together next season. I'm so glad this isn't TV.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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dongregg
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Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 2

Post by dongregg » Wed Oct 21, 2015 9:20 pm

Okay! Part 3 is in for moderation, thanks in no small measure to Mishrashade48, PeteMork, and gkmoberg1. The story found a suitable place to stop once several urgent bits of business had been taken care of. Part 4 has an ending vignette already, but little else!
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 2

Post by dongregg » Fri Nov 06, 2015 2:17 am

Set Me as a Seal Part 2 now concludes with a coda about the thrilling conclusion that Detective Sergeant Per Morkus came to as he continued to investigate the events around the murder of the two teens in the alley. :o
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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dongregg
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Thu Mar 24, 2016 7:00 pm

gkmoberg1 wrote:Such an exciting chapter for your story! The kids are lucky, very lucky, to find Mr Ávila who is so willing to take them in. While I think this would take a great deal longer to actually develop, I am content to 'go with it' for the sake of this story.
When I changed the teaser just now to:

"I...yes…I wanted to see Oskar, even if I didn’t let him see me. I mean, my feelings were all jumbled up, but..."

Mr. Ávila smiles and thinks – Love can do that.

It occurred to me to revisit the question of how Mr. Ávila threw in his lot so quickly with the kids. In the film, the word "love" only comes up once (Lacke), but Mr. Ávila uses the word twice in part 2.

He says flat out why he's doing it -- except for kids, he doesn't like people; he sees an opportunity to bring meaning back into his life; he feels guilty about not intervening before the bullying got out of hand.

How quickly? The Reader will find that, like Eli, Mr. Ávila is a quick study and very intuitive. Eli already has one foot out the door. "Stop looking at the door, Miss Eli." He has one chance to accept or reject them before they go on the run again.

He revisits your question in part 6 when he fills in Professor Grigore on how he got to be that way. It's worth the wait. :D
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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dongregg
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Re: Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 2

Post by dongregg » Mon May 30, 2016 1:52 am

gkmoberg1 wrote:Creating a backstory for Mr. Avila - as from the film - could well close these concerns, as you suggest. We can invent most anything given how little we learn about this character - what shall we cook up? Oh, wait, this is dongregg's story... I must tell my imagination to calm down.

What age should we give to film's Mr. Avila? Actor Cayetano Ruiz could be placed anywhere from his 30s up through his 50s. Agree? That puts his birth between (1982-59) 1923 to (1982-30) 1952. If we say he is from Spain, then the horrors and grim life of Spain's Civil War as well as its aftermath would be part of his early life. If he is from, say, Argentina then we need to delve into that country's and region's history. Perhaps there could be a story here of a family that flees Spain during the late 30s and resettles in Argentina. Oh, like that. But, durn, this is dongregg's story and not mine. (I have a lot of gardening to do today. I know already my mind is going to be stuck on possible back stories the entire time! Oh, this is going to be fun. :D )
As it turns out, GK, Señor Fernando Cristóbal de Reyes y Ávila was born in Barcelona in January 1941, two years after Barcelona fell to Franco; so, he's 43 when he throws in his lot with the kids. Of course we don't find that out until Part 6 (which is the first part of Book 2). The novel has him with short grey hair and having been a fighter pilot. To have flown with Franco's Blue Squadron at Kursk, he would need to have been born around 1920. Spain was "neutral" in WWII but sent the Blue Division and the Blue Squadron of "volunteers" to fight with the Wehrmacht on the Eastern Front. I'm looking at Cayetano as Mr. Ávila. I see 40-something, not 60-something.

As for an exciting backstory in the blood-soaked years following the end of the Spanish Civil War, you may read all about it in Book 2, which is only a "few" months from being submitted for moderation. :o

Edit: GK, Sorry it took so long to sort this out. I only found out his age and backstory as I was watching the film in my head, and that part of the story didn't play until Part 6.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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