a_contemplative_life wrote:I liked your story. I thought it was funny that Oskar, who planned the hardest, failed to beat Eli to Blackeberg.
Eli knows Oskar won't take the train because he might be recognized. Her picture never appeared anywhere (and no picture of her exists until the one from Barcelona). We don't see her having to sort that out because the contrast between the two kids that I tried to show consistently is Eli grasping the obvious in an intuitive way and Oskar having to talk his way logically into conclusions -- Eli's greater experience and nonlinear way of thinking versus nerdy Oskar's methodical, linear approach. Of course she beat him by a day, but it was not without risks. When they are clicking, they make a formidable pair -- Oskar's maps and impressive fund of general knowledge work well in a modern, urban environment, and Eli's in-the-moment ability to apprize a situation and act instantly work to keep them alive in any environment.
Question (and forgive me if I missed it), but why did Oskar decide to go back to Blackberg? There was a reference at the end to seeing his mother, but as soon as it was raised he decided against it.
You didn't miss it. There are issues here that I did not make explicit, then did, then took out. I decided that an intuitive or empathic reader could possibly figure out that Oskar is yearning for a feeling that has gone missing in the relationship with Eli and mixes it up with a feeling of homesickness. He seeks the familiar and thinks that means Blackeberg. He sees that isn't it as he makes his way past familiar landmarks on the way to the courtyard -- he doesn't feel as though he has "come home." He probably gets what set him on his journey when Eli joins him on the jungle gym and snuggles up to him -- it is his love for Eli that was missing, and only the journey could lead him to that understanding. I gently laced the journey with clues. His feelings (when he is aware of them) are not about anticipating being back in Blackeberg, but about missing Eli and feeling concern for how she is doing since he abandoned her.
I think part of what makes this credible is that he's a kid and this is his only romantic relationship. He can't articulate why he feels so unhappy, so he externalizes it and blames it on Eli fussing over him, among other things. One way to put it is that their relationship is in crisis and neither is happy, and since Oskar wants to somehow fill the void that he is feeling, he seeks the familiar. Oskar has limited options for doing that, which is how Eli can intuit where Oskar is almost certainly headed.
This is probably hubris, but I really felt that JAL would have sacrificed the explanation (which I put in and then took out), leaving it for his readers to puzzle over.
By the way, I was hoping you would read the story -- for many reasons -- but didn't one of your recent signatures come from the same text as the story's title?