Set Me as a Seal Part 1

A forum for discussing fan fiction related to Let The Right One In
Post Reply
User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by dongregg » Sat Jul 18, 2015 6:52 pm

Well, let them have their night of cuddling in Eli's hideout, and then we shall see...
The next episode is wandering around on my computer. They want to get out of Blackeberg as soon as possible. They want to have fun, like they used to (candy kiosk, for example). I appreciate the suggestion from metoo that it will have to be out of Sweden (Oskar still looks like he did on TV and in the newspapers). I also like the GK's suggestion about Malmõ. Could sleep there, but play in Copenhagen and hunt in Hamburg. Then back to Malmõ before sunrise. Plenty of issues arise -- leasing a house without hiring a new Håkan, for example. A house would solve hygiene and wardrobe issues. And hunting in a different country could keep them from having to move often by spreading out the location of their victims. Malmõ could work, too, because the city's economy had turned grim leading up to the 80s and population growth was stalled. Plenty of vacant houses and owners in the 80s willing to lease to them, sight unseen. PeteMork points out that a few years and different haircuts would allow them to move feely in Sweden again. They'll still be 12 in 5 years, not 17.
Last edited by dongregg on Thu Jun 16, 2016 5:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
PeteMork
Posts: 3781
Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:56 pm
Location: Menlo Park, California

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by PeteMork » Sat Jul 18, 2015 7:47 pm

dongregg wrote:
Well, let them have their night of cuddling in Eli's hideout, and then we shall see...
The next episode is wandering around on my computer. They want to get out of Blackeberg as soon as possible. They want to have fun, like they used to (candy kiosk, for example). I appreciate the suggestion from metoo that it will have to be out of Sweden (Oskar still looks like he did on TV and in the newspapers). I also like the GK's suggestion about Malmõ. Could sleep there, but play in Copenhagen and hunt in Hamburg. Then back to Malmõ before sunrise. Plenty of issues arise -- leasing a house without hiring a new Håkan, for example. A house would solve hygiene and wardrobe issues. And hunting in a different country could keep them from having to move often by spreading out the location of their victims. Malmõ could work, too, because the city's economy had turned grim in the 70s and population was plummeting. Plenty of vacant houses and owners in the 80s willing to lease to them, sight unseen. PeteMork points out that a few years and different haircuts would allow them to move feely in Sweden again. They'll still be 12 in 5 years, not 17.
I personally think you should be able to move them wherever you want to. If JAL can move them to Barcelona, (where Swedish is not generally spoken) the sky's the limit. Even Atlanta isn't off limits. ;) Most Swedes know how to speak English, so it certainly isn't out of the realm of possibility, and I'm sure Eli would be a quick study. And they could fly. The trip through Asia and across the Aleutians to Alaska and onward could be an epic adventure all by itself.

The possibilities are infinite!
We never stop reading, although every book comes to an end, just as we never stop living, although death is certain. (Roberto Bolaño)

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by dongregg » Sat Jul 18, 2015 9:04 pm

PeteMork wrote:
dongregg wrote:
Well, let them have their night of cuddling in Eli's hideout, and then we shall see...
The next episode is wandering around on my computer. They want to get out of Blackeberg as soon as possible. They want to have fun, like they used to (candy kiosk, for example). I appreciate the suggestion from metoo that it will have to be out of Sweden (Oskar still looks like he did on TV and in the newspapers). I also like the GK's suggestion about Malmõ. Could sleep there, but play in Copenhagen and hunt in Hamburg. Then back to Malmõ before sunrise. Plenty of issues arise -- leasing a house without hiring a new Håkan, for example. A house would solve hygiene and wardrobe issues. And hunting in a different country could keep them from having to move often by spreading out the location of their victims. Malmõ could work, too, because the city's economy had turned grim in the 70s and population was plummeting. Plenty of vacant houses and owners in the 80s willing to lease to them, sight unseen. PeteMork points out that a few years and different haircuts would allow them to move feely in Sweden again. They'll still be 12 in 5 years, not 17.
I personally think you should be able to move them wherever you want to. If JAL can move them to Barcelona, (where Swedish is not generally spoken) the sky's the limit. Even Atlanta isn't off limits. ;) Most Swedes know how to speak English, so it certainly isn't out of the realm of possibility, and I'm sure Eli would be a quick study. And they could fly. The trip through Asia and across the Aleutians to Alaska and onward could be an epic adventure all by itself.

The possibilities are infinite!
All true. I think I'm favoring Malmö for a couple of reasons. I like them living in a rundown area. I like them in Europe for now. Copenhagen has Christiania, the "free city" for pot heads. Still does, so I could revisit the good feelings I had living in the Lower East Side (65-67) Haight-Ashbury and Berkeley (68-73).

I want to get them quickly back to murdering and playing. My heart never strays far from the film.

But I've got to get them out of Blackeberg, first, and that's proving to be a story in itself. I'm also trying to figure out a way to follow your writers group's advice and develop subplots. (Javert?) And my own advice -- just hanging out with Oskar and Eli is not a story. I've got to find (dream) a story arc that will cover any number of chapters. Right now I got nothin'. Just the little pals being happy to be together again.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by dongregg » Wed Jul 22, 2015 3:31 am

metoo wrote:
epicfan84 wrote:Well that's why it's called fan fiction. We've obviously seen that their lives are not uneventful and repetitive after seeing the work of great FF writers such as dongregg. What might be a cool idea is if they actually get captured somehow and have to fight their way out. I'm not an amazing fiction writer or brainstormer, but I know in the world of LTROI there are many possibilities for great FFs. Now, if the story was resolved already such as I don't know... Harry Potter or something, then it's a different story. JAL has left the story wide open to FF.
Well, to write fan fiction poses the same problem as writing a sequel: How to make an exciting story? So the writer adds exciting stuff, and soon the story isn't about the original characters anymore. What I find hard is to write something that feels like a continuation of LtROI, not just a spin-off. I have written lots of fan fiction (here, here, and here), and some of those stories I wouldn't write today because they diverge more than I like from what I (today) consider true to LtROI. My LtROI, that is. Yours may be different.
It's a problem. In "When I Am with You," I don't show a lot going on in Eli's head because we don't see that on screen. And,in this story, "Set Me As a Seal," I try to keep them acting like the kids we see in the film, neither having a handle on what's supposed to happen next. But others don't see the kids as I do; so, whatever I write is sure to disappoint somebody, or just seem wrong. Still, I put the effort into it, probably at the expense of more exciting stuff that others would put into a story. And it concerns me that, if I'm able to continue this story, it will build on the divergences to become even less like the characters in the film. It will become too self-referential to what I have written previously. I've found that the main thing that I enjoy about writing the stories is hanging out with Oskar and Eli, seeing their faces, hearing their voices. It will (if I write more) take a huge chunk of the fun out of it if I can't control the divergences, and I don't know that I can.

I think some of the things I need to keep in mind are the sweet core of the film as well as the sense of danger that accompanies two 12-year-old vampires in a grown-up and ever changing world. They are so vulnerable. A third thing has to be the supernatural (or at least murderous) part of the story. They're vampires. That comes across as an "oh by the way" in my tale, but that's mostly because it's about their self-absorption and the fact that most of their nights aren't about seeking fresh blood, but about having kid fun while keeping out of danger.

But you have identified a major problem of writing sequels or fan fiction and stated it very clearly.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
a_contemplative_life
Moderator
Posts: 5896
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 2:06 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by a_contemplative_life » Wed Jul 22, 2015 11:54 pm

I liked your story. I thought it was funny that Oskar, who planned the hardest, failed to beat Eli to Blackeberg. :lol:

Question (and forgive me if I missed it), but why did Oskar decide to go back to Blackberg? There was a reference at the end to seeing his mother, but as soon as it was raised he decided against it.
Image

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by dongregg » Thu Jul 23, 2015 1:35 am

a_contemplative_life wrote:I liked your story. I thought it was funny that Oskar, who planned the hardest, failed to beat Eli to Blackeberg. :lol:
Eli knows Oskar won't take the train because he might be recognized. Her picture never appeared anywhere (and no picture of her exists until the one from Barcelona). We don't see her having to sort that out because the contrast between the two kids that I tried to show consistently is Eli grasping the obvious in an intuitive way and Oskar having to talk his way logically into conclusions -- Eli's greater experience and nonlinear way of thinking versus nerdy Oskar's methodical, linear approach. Of course she beat him by a day, but it was not without risks. When they are clicking, they make a formidable pair -- Oskar's maps and impressive fund of general knowledge work well in a modern, urban environment, and Eli's in-the-moment ability to apprize a situation and act instantly work to keep them alive in any environment.
Question (and forgive me if I missed it), but why did Oskar decide to go back to Blackberg? There was a reference at the end to seeing his mother, but as soon as it was raised he decided against it.
You didn't miss it. There are issues here that I did not make explicit, then did, then took out. I decided that an intuitive or empathic reader could possibly figure out that Oskar is yearning for a feeling that has gone missing in the relationship with Eli and mixes it up with a feeling of homesickness. He seeks the familiar and thinks that means Blackeberg. He sees that isn't it as he makes his way past familiar landmarks on the way to the courtyard -- he doesn't feel as though he has "come home." He probably gets what set him on his journey when Eli joins him on the jungle gym and snuggles up to him -- it is his love for Eli that was missing, and only the journey could lead him to that understanding. I gently laced the journey with clues. His feelings (when he is aware of them) are not about anticipating being back in Blackeberg, but about missing Eli and feeling concern for how she is doing since he abandoned her.

I think part of what makes this credible is that he's a kid and this is his only romantic relationship. He can't articulate why he feels so unhappy, so he externalizes it and blames it on Eli fussing over him, among other things. One way to put it is that their relationship is in crisis and neither is happy, and since Oskar wants to somehow fill the void that he is feeling, he seeks the familiar. Oskar has limited options for doing that, which is how Eli can intuit where Oskar is almost certainly headed.

This is probably hubris, but I really felt that JAL would have sacrificed the explanation (which I put in and then took out), leaving it for his readers to puzzle over.

By the way, I was hoping you would read the story -- for many reasons -- but didn't one of your recent signatures come from the same text as the story's title?
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
a_contemplative_life
Moderator
Posts: 5896
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 2:06 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by a_contemplative_life » Fri Jul 24, 2015 12:21 am

That makes sense, I reckon. Thanks for clarifying.

As for my sig--you'll need to refresh my memory. :D
Image

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by dongregg » Fri Jul 24, 2015 12:47 am

a_contemplative_life wrote:That makes sense, I reckon. Thanks for clarifying.
Should I put the few sentences back in that would clarify Oskar's motivation? Under the mentorship of Morkus and GK, I ditched the narrator whenever I could, but I may have gone too far.
As for my sig--you'll need to refresh my memory. :D
If Song of Songs doesn't ring a bell, then it was someone else who changes sigs frequently. It came and went. As for one of the parts of the beautiful love poem that applies to the story:

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm:
For love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave:
The coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.


This is a young woman speaking to her beloved at the end of the poem when she has found him and they are reunited. Throughout much of the poem, she seeks him in the highways and byways, especially at night. Her love for him is like Eli's love for Oskar -- flat out, no questions, no doubts, no holding back.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
a_contemplative_life
Moderator
Posts: 5896
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 2:06 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by a_contemplative_life » Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:23 am

dongregg wrote:
a_contemplative_life wrote:That makes sense, I reckon. Thanks for clarifying.
Should I put the few sentences back in that would clarify Oskar's motivation? Under the mentorship of Morkus and GK, I ditched the narrator whenever I could, but I may have gone too far.
As for my sig--you'll need to refresh my memory. :D
I think you need to learn to be secure in your own judgments about your writing. If, as it appears, you considered the question and chose a course of action, then I would urge you to stick with your choice. If you are pleased with it, that's the important thing.
Image

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by dongregg » Fri Jul 24, 2015 4:11 am

a_contemplative_life wrote:I think you need to learn to be secure in your own judgments about your writing. If, as it appears, you considered the question and chose a course of action, then I would urge you to stick with your choice. If you are pleased with it, that's the important thing.
I agree. I've done a wide range of writing over the years -- reporter, magazine editor, biographer, essayist, researcher, academic -- but creative writing is a new adventure late in life. It feels good, but I'm eagerly learning the techniques. I'd say the FF route, with help from members, is a kind of private creative writing course. I welcome input. As an admirer of your FFs, I would gladly accept any tips from you, including your advice to stick with my choice of how I handled Oskar's motivation. :D
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

Post Reply

Return to “Fan Fiction”