Set Me as a Seal Part 1

A forum for discussing fan fiction related to Let The Right One In
Post Reply
User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by dongregg » Mon Aug 17, 2015 6:45 am

dongregg wrote:
Jameron wrote:Using Eli's lack of mental development, she is only twelve after all, as a further problem to overcome was interesting, but will she be able to change?
Can she change? I don't see being frozen at age 12 as an impediment. Early on, she learned real quick to be a damned good vampire. Else, she wouldn't have lasted...It will take her a while...She's committed, but she doesn't know where to start. She doesn't have "what if" as part of her toolkit.
And the answer is...Ah, you know Eli can do about anything she applies herself to. You'll have to read the next installment, which should be available in a week or less, to find out whether she can pull it off.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
gkmoberg1
Moderator
Posts: 4245
Joined: Thu Dec 09, 2010 4:46 am
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by gkmoberg1 » Tue Aug 18, 2015 2:54 pm

dongregg wrote:You'll have to read the next installment, which should be available in a week or less
:wub:

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me As a Seal upon Your Heart

Post by dongregg » Tue Aug 18, 2015 5:38 pm

a_contemplative_life wrote:I liked your story...but why did Oskar decide to go back to Blackeberg? There was a reference at the end to seeing his mother, but as soon as it was raised he decided against it.
Even children get the blues.

Not trying to support gender stereotyping, but Eli -- as a boy or girl -- exhibits traits we sometimes associate with middle-school girls. Just a little ahead of the boys emotionally. Eli is confused and is first angry and then sad; Oskar is confused and is first sad and then angry. Oskar implicitly shows his anger in his note, although he doesn't own it. And in the first version (which only a few people saw -- Pete, GK, and three local friends), the story worked great with Eli as a boy with gentler feelings than Oskar. I still get misty-eyed when I picture Eli as a 12-year-old boy crying his heart out when he realizes his best friend has rejected and abandoned him. (It's still that way in one piece of the tale -- One-off Vignette.)

Either way, Oscar is unhappy and doesn't know what to do about it, so he takes off.

Jimmie Rodgers' "Train Whistle Blues" speaks to the differences between Oskar and Eli's response to the relationship crisis:

"When a woman gets the blues she hangs her little head and cries
When a woman gets the blues she hangs her little head and cries
But when a man gets the blues he grabs a train and rides"

You can switch Eli and Oskar's genders around or make them both boys or both girls, but they are who they are. Every individual has his or her own set of personality traits that shape a response to stress. It is we (including Jimmie Rodgers) who are culturally conditioned to supply the gender stereotyping.

But, gender aside, Oskar takes off and Eli goes after him. Why Blackeberg? He's 12 and he's Oskar.

And it strikes me now that "Set Me as a Seal" is a replay of the rejection-pursuit trope we see when Oskar rejects Eli and goes home, and then Eli goes to Oskar and rings his doorbell...

At least that's how I played it in "When I am with You."

Needless to say, ACL, I'm really glad you raised the issue of why Oskar headed to Blackeberg.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 1

Post by dongregg » Sat Oct 24, 2015 4:38 pm

"Set Me as a Seal upon Your Heart Part 3" is now posted. :wub:
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
PeteMork
Posts: 3781
Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:56 pm
Location: Menlo Park, California

Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 1

Post by PeteMork » Sun Oct 25, 2015 12:51 am

I love the idea of photography as a hobby for them. As you point out it covers their activity at night, and provides an excuse for their covered window in the daytime. Nice one!

And the money. No egg necessary. :D

Of course, I also love Eli's tear-filled conversation with Avila. :wub: (My tears, too.) ;)
We never stop reading, although every book comes to an end, just as we never stop living, although death is certain. (Roberto Bolaño)

User avatar
a_contemplative_life
Moderator
Posts: 5896
Joined: Sat Aug 15, 2009 2:06 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 1

Post by a_contemplative_life » Sat Mar 12, 2016 1:53 am

I haven't been keeping up with the FF around here very well, so I decided today to go back through some of the more recent stuff. Just finished Part 1 of this story, and am hoping it is not too late to offer a few thoughts...

It's clear to me that you spent a lot of time polishing this chapter. Everything fits together very well and it flows very smoothly, with nary a hiccup or bump along the way. Very nice.

I can easily see Eli and Oskar getting on each other's nerves and one of them leaving in a fit of pique. And as you have written, chances are it would be Oskar, at least as the freshly turned vampire who is trying to demonstrate his independence. I'm a little less certain that he would not tell Eli where he'd gone, but it's not implausible, and it makes Eli's effort to intuit his intentions an interesting aspect of the plot.

I thought you did a nice job of staying true to the tone of the novel in terms of depicting the semi-feral nature of the kids, e.g., living in dirt holes, and how seemingly simple concerns like bathing and fresh clothes become logistical challenges.

I am not sure Eli would be as clueless about how to get around as you have described here. 220+ years is a long time to get street-wise, and the pressures to survive undetected in such a small country would, IMO, have made for one savvy little person. OTOH, she was not a very effective killer in the novel or the film, so I guess you could point to that in your defense. I do like how Eli freely recognizes that she must change if she wants to keep Oskar; this points to her innate goodness and makes her a likable person.

I found no small amount of humor in how Oskar plans and labors to get to Blackeberg the hard way, and Eli just takes a taxi and train and beats him to his destination. :lol:

So happy that by the end, they are reunited. I would hate to see them separated very long! :D
Image

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 1

Post by dongregg » Sat Mar 12, 2016 2:38 am

Thanks, a_c_l! Your insights are always welcome and valuable. I'm a novice at writing fiction, but I've had a lot of help from forum members, especially three who are still hanging with the story through part 5. (Part 6 is in progress, but, since it will be the last chapter, I'm taking a lot of time with it.)

Good point about how savvy Eli is or isn't. In my read of the film (I've just now ordered the novel), she came to town and started depending on people like Håkan for how to get around. And then Oskar. After all, she knows how to survive, but she stands out in town (hygiene, weather-appropriate clothing).

Oskar actually tells more than he thinks he does in his note. Eli reduces everything to survival and won't let him be Oskar, which was his main problem he had with the bullies. Eli thinks he left because they aren't having fun. She fixes that, but it's Eli who's left with a core of unhappiness that doesn't emerge until part 6. You'll see. She gets busy dealing with it, and you can be sure that everything comes out okay.

As fir the humor in part 1, I had a lot of fun with Eli getting out of town. I'm still laughing at the shopkeeper waving his hand in front of his nose and other visuals, like not having a bar of soap, not knowing what a bellhop is, and so forth. But yes, Eli beats Oskar to Blackeberg, and that's funny. I hope you'll hang in with the tale. I consistently show Oskar as logical and linear and Eli as intuitive. Together, these traits make them a formidable pair of little vampires.

Eli answers the challenge to become the kind of friend Oskar deserves. She doesn't know how to change at first. As an intuitive, in-the-moment person, "What if?" kind of planning isn't part of her tool kit. But, really, the central issue of a story that takes the kids across a span of time is how they can both grow in maturity and wisdom when they will always be 12. Suffice it to say, getting out of Örebro got her attention, and she's determined not to be in a jam like that again.

By the way, based on feedback from forum members, I have gone back in and edited every part after you or Wolfchild had already moderated them. Some of the changes were major, so I will say again that I value your insight. Never too late for me to change things based on suggestions.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

User avatar
banjoist123
Posts: 41
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2016 5:51 pm
Location: Arlington, Tx
Contact:

Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 1

Post by banjoist123 » Wed Mar 23, 2016 7:37 pm

This is great stuff! It's bringing a layer of dimension to Oskar and Eli that is very appropriate and satisfying. And I'm awfully impressed at the knowledge of Swedish geography!
The image of the two of them once again side by side on the klätterställningen made me cry!
I want to close my eyes very tightly, concentrate, hear the sounds around me disappear, sense the night against my closed eyelids, feel snow flakes hit my cheeks, feel the cold of the jungle gym, and hear the sound of light approaching footsteps…

User avatar
dongregg
Posts: 3937
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:58 pm
Location: Atlanta
Contact:

Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 1

Post by dongregg » Sun Mar 27, 2016 1:34 am

banjoist123 wrote:This is great stuff! It's bringing a layer of dimension to Oskar and Eli that is very appropriate and satisfying. And I'm awfully impressed at the knowledge of Swedish geography!
The image of the two of them once again side by side on the klätterställningen made me cry!
I had a lot of help from Google Maps and from one of our Swedish members.

As for the jungle gym scene, all 5 parts of the story bring in ideas from the film because the kids would do that, wouldn't they? Adds to continuity, and anyway I like to do it.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

Enly
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Mar 30, 2016 7:00 pm

Re: Set Me as a Seal Part 1

Post by Enly » Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:42 pm

I started reading the story. Getting interesting. At the end, the scene of Oscar and Eli turned out beautiful.

Post Reply

Return to “Fan Fiction”