PeteMork wrote:I think by adding elements of Eli's resentment, or at least the reasons behind them, you've filled in a few of the blanks; at least to someone who is reading your FF as a stand-alone tale. To be honest, Eli's character is so well-defined in my own mind, I can't really tell if your additions are necessary. I can no longer be either detached from or objective about her.
Thanks, PeteMork. I was acutely aware when writing the tale of the few places where I imported elements from the novel--the words
Elias and
Håkan don't appear in the film, for example. Adding the mutilation aspect is clearly imported, but I feel it filled a gap as well as added to why Eli--like Oskar--is only comfortable in a kid world.
As to "well defined In my own mind"--Yes! The urge to write this as a minimalist story was the desire to present Eli as I see her. That would be Eli as a simple child. Not a backward child or one lacking in intelligence, but a child facing outward, working puzzles to occupy her time. Not a child who reads books or who thinks a lot. Still largely a child of a rural, peasant setting. She learned to spell and print words, but she uses a 200-year-old style of forming her letters. I see her quiet mind in contrast to Oskar's rather busy mind--Eli's mind in the moment and Oskar's mind
anywhere but in the moment.
PeteMork wrote:I AM happy to see you have taken on the difficult task of writing your FF mostly in the present tense. I think the only other FF writer who successfully met this challenge was DMt.
It's an honor to be compared to DMt.
Telling the story in the present tense served to hide the omniscient
adult narrator from the reader. It allowed me to focus almost completely on what Eli is seeing, hearing, feeling, and (occasionally) thinking. It also allowed me to use the language of kids rather than the grownup language of an adult narrator (with a few exceptions). It let me keep the vocabulary simple and the sentences short. Where the narrator must speak (which is a lot), I used slight of hand to minimize the reader's awareness of it. It's mostly just the difference between "Eli
came back into the room" and "Eli
goes back into the room." It contributes to the feeling that the events are happening as you read them, of course, but more important to me is that there is no intrusive adult voice drawing attention to itself.
Therefore, I was of two minds when I added the part about Eli's resentment. It not only imports stuff not in the film, but it takes the reader somewhat out of the moment. Honestly, I probably would not have added this fairly minor rewrite if it were not for a_c_l's deep insight into what Oskar means to Eli--not just a playmate for an exceeding lonely vampire girl, but a chance to retrieve the happy childhood that was snatched from her.
And it was by no means a way of illuminating the gender issues of JAL/TA's telling. I consider that the big issue for Eli is not how to be a boy or girl or neither, but how to be more human, a companion who is acceptable to Oskar. And that is what she becomes.
It means a lot to me that you still value "When I Am With You," especially when I consider the vast tale of Oskar and Eli that you have created