Small Steps

[cmfireflies]

Small steps

I’m outside Oskar’s door. It’s completely normal, just a friend asking another out to play. As I tell myself this, I can’t help but think how strange it is that this was the first time I remember standing outside the home of someone I didn’t intend to kill.

Bad thoughts, Eli. Think of something else. What will we do tonight? Have a snowball fight? I wonder if Oskar would want to see me fly? Would that be fun? Or scary? Am I ugly with my wings?

I hear his footsteps and a moment later the door opens.
“Hey”
“Hi”
Silence. Oskar tilts his head, beckoning me in. Has he forgotten already?
“You have to invite me in”
“What happens if I don’t? What happens if you walk in anyways?”
Oskar placed his hand between me and the door, feeling an invisible barrier. “Is there something in the way?” he drops his hand. See nothing there. Silly Eli, playing vampire.

When I first…got sick, I used to imagine that there was a demon inside me. It wasn’t me who pounced and ripped and torn into flesh, the Demon did all that. After every feeding, I would poke my stomach and say: “Demon, are you still hungry? Are you happy that you made me do all those terrible things?” Of course, there never was any answer. The Demon only comes with the hunger and it only whispers when I go to feed.

The only things it ever said to me were ways to hunt and live. How to make my voice tremble as I ask for help, how to wait until the moment my prey looks away to bear my fangs. And to never look them in the eyes as I fed. Back then, it kept me alive and I hated it for that.

As the years passed, I learned new words like predator and instinct and I stopped believing in demons. It was simple, really. Those people died because I wanted to live. Somehow knowing that made everything easier. Or maybe I had simply gotten used to it. One day I realized I didn’t need the whispers anymore and they disappeared. I needed blood; I knew how to get it. There was nothing else.

But as I stand here, looking at the only person who knew what I was and still cared about who I am, that old simplicity shattered. Confronted with this new thing and new thoughts, I heard the Demon’s voice again and it scared me because for the first time, it sounded so very reasonable.
Do you want to die? If you step in you’ll die
No,…I want to show him. I want him to see that this isn’t a trick…that I didn’t lick his blood off the floor as a DAMN JOKE.
What will he see if you die? Do you think that he’ll wait and watch as you as you fall apart? He’ll run away and you’ll die staring at a wall. You deserve better.
“Cluck, Cluck,” Oskar wagged his finger, cutting through my thoughts. He stepped back, eyes daring me to follow. “Cluck, cluck.” Wag, wag. An invitation to be sure, but not the one I need.

Cry! The Demon whispered my head. Leave! Make him sad for hurting you. Run and the boy will follow! You can still have his friendship without giving up your life.

But I was sick of it. Sick of pretending, sick of lying. You want me to come in Oskar? I can come in. Watch closely, this trick will be cool, but I can only do it once.

I stepped inside. I was half-afraid that whatever would happen would kill me as soon as I put my foot across the threshold, but I’m still standing. Only the Demon wasn’t whispering anymore, it was screaming. Not so much with words as with howls of instinctive urgency. Instead of listening, I walked foreword, letting Oskar watch from between me and the door.

I was so proud of myself for not running away that I didn’t notice the pain at first. Maybe I stepped on broken glass? It’s OK, I’ll heal. Only instead, the pain ran up my legs and into my chest. It felt like my blood had been replaced by thousands of nails and every heartbeat was a hammer pushing them out. I would have screamed but I was choking on blood.
Don’t open your mouth, Eli, or else Oskar will have to clean it…Oskar. He’s scared, not understanding. Blink. Eyes bloody. Oh, gentle Oskar, I like you so much. Please don’t be so sad…I don’t want to die with you so sad.

“NO!” Screaming, someone rushing up to me. “You can come in!” Hands, Oskar’s hands…on my shoulders. I want to tell him it’s OK, that I deserve it. Dying’s not so bad. It doesn’t even hurt anymore…
Then you’re not dying. Demon whispers.
I’m not?
Because dying HURTS
Oh, I feel stupid now. Thank you for telling me, Demon.

[a_contemplative_life]

I like it.

I was hoping someone would tackle this scene!

Will there be more?

[cmfireflies]

Thanks.

I probably won't be writing more, before finals are over anyways. I just wanted to write this before Wolfchild got to this scene. thanks for being an inspiration, Wolfy!

[covenant6452]

Well done! I can see Eli thinking like this. Very enjoyable.
I am going to have to go and read through a_c_l's story again as I haven't gotten to the end yet, and Wolfchilds!

[Wolfchild]

Thanks.

I probably won't be writing more, before finals are over anyways. I just wanted to write this before Wolfchild got to this scene. thanks for being an inspiration, Wolfy!

I am having a lot of trouble with this scene. I can't come up with anything that really rings true to my understanding of the character.

I like your device of the Demon voice. How Eli doesn't need it anymore because now she is experienced, and then at the end it pops up again. Eli has seen at all, but now with Oskar there is once again something new.

[a_contemplative_life]

Well done! I can see Eli thinking like this. Very enjoyable.
I am going to have to go and read through a_c_l's story again as I haven't gotten to the end yet, and Wolfchilds!

Whew! I finished the final revisions late last night. Just in time . . .

[covenant6452]

Oh, and drakkar's as well! It's looking like a creative explosion has happened here and more people are being inspired than anywhere I've seen other than a creative writing class!
I have written before, scripts and short stories, but never have I actually put something forth to as public an audience as I have to the people here with the one thing I have posted so far. Something here is encouraging isn't it?

[moonvibe34]

very cool interpretation of that scene. i loved the blood as nails and heart as hammer description of the pain.

[cmfireflies]

Aww, thanks moonvibe

I'm actually thinking of writing something a bit longer, but more likely I'll be lazy and entertain myself by browsing lolcats instead

[HonzaP]

this could be great ilustration to your story as well as covenant's pictures this looks like Eli is listening to the demon inside her