Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

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gkmoberg1
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Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by gkmoberg1 » Fri May 25, 2012 5:59 am

I have the first chapter posted for a Fan Fic called Pittsburgh. It should be four chapters when complete.

http://let-the-right-one-in.com/fancont ... pittsburgh

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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by gkmoberg1 » Fri May 25, 2012 4:44 pm

There are a couple inspirations and objectives behind my writing this.

The primary inspiration is of course Let Me In 2. I chose this particular day of the LMI2's time line because it is this point where the action comes the closest to where I was then living. On the preceding night Abby would have driven past me, within 40 miles, on her way west across Pennsylvania. Owen was, um, well, I'll leave it to you read the story to understand what Owen is doing. Because they are tramping on "my" territory I feel inspired to write about it. Part of the thrill of reading LMI2 was to watch the progression the story made around the places where was then living. I too was in or nearby to Brooklyn, Pittsburgh, Chevy Chase during this time period, although never at the same times as the characters. So I have memories of what these places were like. I want to see how well I can do at bringing some "life" to Pittsburgh by drawing upon that.

However this story does not involve me. I am not interested in writing a story that involves me in either LMI or LMI2. Thus Randy and Dale are not somehow me in disguise; these are pure fictional characters.

This is also my first LMI fan fic. I would not have expected that I would be writing one but, ummm, then I read LMI2. It is interesting how experiences can lead to inspiration.

As for objectives, my interest is to succeed at writing a good story, one that is worth reading. If I don't succeed I hope at least to understand why not.

My depiction of Abby and anything else that relates to LMI and LMI2 should - I hope - be in character to these sources. I'm not trying to create a variation of Abby with this story. My object is to remain true to the sources.

It is interesting to be chaining my fan fic to another yet I suspect this will cut down the readership.

Another objective is to architect a story that is rather in reverse to another that I wrote. A while ago I wrote Gravel and Dust, a fan fic of the Warrior Cats book series, wherein my objective was to repeat the architecture Nightrider used in his story Children. In those two stories the most significant event happens beforehand - before the story begins. Thus the story is a work at resolving or reacting to a situation. For Pittsburgh my objective is to do the opposite: create a story wherein the most significant event of the story occurs afterwards. I wonder how well I will do at this.

If you have comments about most anything, let me have it. I am a novice writer looking for guidance on most any part of the craft. So points on grammar, style, construction, etc are all of interest. At one end I struggle with phrasings, verb tenses, dangling participles and so on. At the other I struggle with architecture, overall development and positioning of scene and summary. Writing is a good challenge!

P.S. I'd like to thank my editors for CH1... 'intrige', 'Cricketsong', DMt., Tammy and Kerry. Thanks guys.

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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by Clubmeister » Fri May 25, 2012 10:32 pm

Hm... Here we have first fanfiction on fanfiction :D And help of so many editors give me a thought, that this work is really important to you, Gk!
LMI2 is a very good story but I wonder why don't you write your own ff on LMI, - taking into account your undoubted talent of the writer and a wonderful style? I mean, it's not easy to read your nice story detached, when I know, how LMI2 ended.
Rather - when I recall LMI2, I just can not think about anything except how the story ended...
He is looking at me, silently, expectantly, in the near-dark room, neither smiling nor frowning; gaunt as a Belsen child, proud as the Devil, distant and beautiful as a star. [DMt.]

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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by EEA » Fri May 25, 2012 10:37 pm

If I were him I would run to the house and not let Abby in. :o
Biting my nails until the next chapter comes.

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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by gkmoberg1 » Sat May 26, 2012 6:03 am

Oh, well I must hurry!
Clubmeister wrote:Hm... Here we have first fanfiction on fanfiction :D And help of so many editors give me a thought, that this work is really important to you, Gk!
LMI2 is a very good story but I wonder why don't you write your own ff on LMI, - taking into account your undoubted talent of the writer and a wonderful style? I mean, it's not easy to read your nice story detached, when I know, how LMI2 ended.
Rather - when I recall LMI2, I just can not think about anything except how the story ended...
Well, even if you feel that way about LMI2 and its ending, pretend for a little while that you do not know their future.

As for my own LMI ff, perhaps someday I will have something in mind.

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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by gkmoberg1 » Sat May 26, 2012 6:28 am

Woodland Ave, Marshall-Shadeland, Pittsburgh, PA.
Image

For the first chapter I added several items from the time of this story.

I had friends who loved their Gremlins. Most had a used Gremlin, which would be cheaper to own. Insurance rates were high, even then, for teenage drivers. Randy and Dale are both teenagers. They've graduated from high school yet live at their respective homes. Dale's Le Car was what I first drove. It really was a tinfoil car - we called it that all the time - because we figured if we went too fast off the road while driving, it would crumple to nothing around the first mailbox or signpost.

I mentioned several brands because they were typical, although not necessarily popular, with us - the teenagers of the early 80s. I mention "Keds", a brand of sneaker, because my sister and I had noticed Stephen King using it in his stories. If you thumb through his book Different Seasons (1982), a collection of four novellas, you might spot that his characters in, I think, two of the stories are wearing "Keds". I think he mentions "Keds" in another work of his during those same years. We would joke that to wear ours could, um, lead us to having a Stephen King moment were we not careful.

I mention Sears because it was a very common department store. Wearing Sears-brand anything was not at all chic, but it is what we wore.

Donnie Iris and his group, officially then Donnie Iris and the Cruisers, were very popular in the Pittsburgh region. I saw him three times during my time then in and around western Pennsylvania. He would play at high schools and colleges, drawing very good crowds. Like a lot of performs he was/is very approachable and genuinely interested in music. Some of my friends had encountered him at, say, the grocery and found him to be really decent to talk with. His song Daddy Don't Live Here Anymore was a regional hit. The popularity of his two records Back On The Streets (1980) and then King Cool (1981) led to a number our garage-band enthusiasts trying to redo his songs. Also we re-used the "king cool" phrase on ourselves, often as Randy does in CH1 by calling himself King Stupid.

Sunset on Jan 2nd would have been very shortly after 5pm. Say 5:05pm or 5:10pm. By the time Abby would have arrived - following the evenings events which you'll have to go find yourself in LMI2's CH8, I figure the time would be 7:30 or so.

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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by PeteMork » Sun May 27, 2012 8:40 pm

Your attention to detail made it easy for me to get 'sucked in' to your story, and begin identifying with your character. I just hope Randy doesn't end up paying the ultimate price for his kindness. I'm kinda likin' this. :D

Maybe I'm wrong but isn't “Uh, you better come in,” an invitation Abby can accept without Randy having to be more explicit? :think:
We never stop reading, although every book comes to an end, just as we never stop living, although death is certain. (Roberto Bolaño)

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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by metoo » Mon May 28, 2012 4:09 am

Woodland Avenue street view. It really does look depressing in this grey, flat light. If you continue forward to the very end of the street you'll find some sunshine, and that changes everything.

Renault Le Car, in Europe known as Renault 5, or just R5:

Image

This car also came in a very different version, the Renault 5 Turbo, which sported a 158 hp engine mounted where the rear seat usually would be. One racing version even had the engine pushed to 340 hp, about 300 hp more than the standard version...
Last edited by metoo on Tue May 29, 2012 4:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by gkmoberg1 » Tue May 29, 2012 2:50 am

Hey, that Le Car looks awfully familiar! Scary. But it does look odd to look at today, after all these years. How square are all those lines.

The biggest problem we had with our Le Car (yes, "R5" :D ) was how easily it overheated. I learned more than I wanted to about head gaskets and mountings. ( Since then I've been through a VW Gulf GTI -87, Honda Prelude -90 ( sweet! ), and a SAAB 95 -00. I really ought to try an American car sometime. )

My biggest issue with Chapter One was its imbalance between descriptive text and dialog. Most of the editing done for CH1 was to remove excess description. The first three drafts had about four paragraphs of description starting off the story. Nobody said anything. I felt this really made the beginning heavy and uninteresting. It left the reader to really want to stick with it in order to keep going. Not good. Moving the initial "Hello?..." up to the very start helped offset the problem. Plus I removed further description of the street and houses. Even so, I had to balance in the "hello?" statements to break up the otherwise, well, bland development. This is why the later part becomes more interesting: we start to get a conversation going between some characters.

Well, a bit of conversation occurs. Randy is distracted and thus not very conversational. In fact you might be able to notice several things about Randy just from what goes on and what does not go on in CH1.

Now on to Chapter Two... :)

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Re: Pittsburgh, a LMI2 Fan Fic

Post by gkmoberg1 » Tue May 29, 2012 5:35 am

Ooops, I missed Pete's question:
PeteMork wrote:Maybe I'm wrong but isn't “Uh, you better come in,” an invitation Abby can accept without Randy having to be more explicit? :think:
Well, I didn't think so. I was remembering this from LMI2, Chapter 2:
Lee Kyle wrote:In ten minutes they pulled into a driveway belonging to a small, single-story home. "You have to say I can come in," Abby suddenly piped up. "You have to say it: you can come in."

The driver looked puzzled, but he acceded to Abby's request: "You can come in," he said.
It appears, based on what she is asking, there has to be an absolutely direct invitation. Randy's "Uh you better come in" is indirect regarding the invitation element. His statement implies she is invited within, but it only implies. Perhaps this is not enough. If indirect invitation is permitable then Abby, in LMI CH2 could have asked, "Oh, are we invited in?". This surely draws less attention than "You have to say it: you can come in." The driver would not appear puzzled. The sneaky "Oh are we invited in?" is a far more normal question. The driver's suspicions would not be aroused. Rather he might think she is being polite. From all that I assumed a "Yes" - as answered in response to "Oh, are we invited in?" - is not good enough. Somehow "Yes" even if given in response to the direct "Are we invited in?" is not enough. Soo..... I went entirely the other way and had her make sure to put the question to Randy in the same manner done in LMI2. The invitation has to be direct.

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