Idea and concept for the story and ilustration : mac
Story written by : varamiglite
Who want to be a vampire
It’s just another night alone, just me and this old apartment. It’s been the same for years, I should be used to it by now… but I’m not. There are some things a person just cannot get used to; loneliness fits into that category well. Everything seems good, but I’ve learned that things are hardly ever true to what they seem. Another boring night stuck in this empty prison I’ve come to call home. I may as well try to find something to entertain myself, so I turned on the TV. As always, there really isn’t anything on. In over 200 channels, there’s nothing on any of them. Then I was lucky enough to find “Let the Right One In” on one of the pay channels. If nothing else, it will be something to keep my mind busy, to keep it away from that feeling. It’ll keep me occupied for a while. No… it won’t. That feeling is always there; nothing forces it down or keeps it at bay. That empty feeling fills me every day. Filled with emptiness, how ironic! I’ve had enough! This feeling has consumed me for way too long. I hate everything about this mediocre life of mine but how do I change it? How do I fix it? Can it be fixed at all? The answer’s always been there but I’ve never had what it takes to do it. I can fix this, all I have to do is work up the nerve to do it, right? I’m convinced that this is the only solution as I headed to the kitchen to grab a knife. It’s waiting for me on the table. I left it there yesterday, another day when I just couldn’t go through with it. It knows my pain but it can’t make me do it. It has the power to end my pain. I know it wants to help me. It calls out to me.
“I know you are suffering. We can end this. I can help you, if you’ll let me.”
I will let you. I begin to place the knife to my skin when suddenly…
“Wait! Please stop! Don’t do it!”
A small silhouette stood on my windowsill, but how? I live on the fifth floor! How is that possible? I went to turn the light on to get a better look. This is a dream. This has to be a dream!
“I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong. This isn’t a dream.”
“But you…you are Eli, like in the movie! If I’m not dreaming then I’ve completely lost it.”
“You haven’t lost anything. I am Eli.”
“I don’t understand. What’s going on? Why are you here?”
“I can sense when death is near…” He pointed to the knife I was holding.
“I know you would do it. I know you want to do it, but don’t. Maybe there is hope still, just maybe.”
“Hope? Hope for what?”
“For life.”
“For life?”
“Yes. I can explain, but first you must invite me in.”
“If it’s blood you’re after you can have it! I don’t care anymore. Please, do not hesitate. You can come in!”
“You are right. Your blood is the reason I’m here my friend.”
Then he started to move in closer to me.
…
I awoke with an intense pain in my neck. I looked up to find that the window is still open but to my surprise I’m not cold. It’s the middle of a bitter winter and yet I don’t feel a thing.
“Do not be afraid. Your neck will heal quickly, I promise.” He was sitting by the door that leads out into the hallway.
“What happened?”
“I told you that I was here for blood. I need it to survive. You are like me now. My deepest apologies.
“What do you mean “like you”? Do you mean like a vampire?”
“Well…yes. I’m sorry.”
Why does he keep saying sorry? I’ve been chosen by Eli to be a vampire. By Eli! It seems so impossible, but it’s true.
“But why do I live? Why didn’t you kill me?”
“How do you feel?”
“I’m not sure. It’s an odd feeling. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I feel… great!”
“Really? Is that really how you feel? Huh, maybe you are different from the others. A exception.”
“An exception, me?”
“Yeah, if you truly feel great after that. Do you truly feel great?”
“Yes!”
“If that’s so and you feel that way then I need to ask you for something. Would you be my friend? I’ve been alone for a very long time and it’s so nice to have a friend! You say you feel great, so won’t you join me?”
“You want ME to be your friend? You’ve chosen me to accompany you in this world? Of course I will!”
Eli smiled. It’s obvious that it really has been a long time since he’s had anyone by his side.
“Thank you. That’s very kind of you.”
“So what happens next? What do we do?”
“We wait. Tomorrow night we will get out of here and move on.”
“Okay, I understand. Tomorrow we’ll be out of here. I can do that!”
“First things first, do you have any puzzles here? I must have a puzzle! I have a few with me but I’m always afraid that I will solve them too soon. I must have some new ones to try!”
“You’re afraid to solve them? But isn’t that the point of a puzzle, to solve it?”
“Of course it is, but I hate solving them too quickly! Once I’ve solved them they become kind of pointless, don’t you think? Once you’ve figured it out, it’s the same thing over and over again.”
“I see what you mean. I only have one from when I was a boy. I didn’t really hang onto things like that. Stay there and I’ll go get it.”
When I came back with the puzzle Eli snatched it out of my hands and immediately began to devote himself to solving it. It was weird how quickly his face changed when he took the puzzle. There was a strange sense of relief when he was focused on it, like some odd sense of relaxation he could not have had without it. I kept shifting my eyes between his contentedness and the hands of the clock on the wall. Time passed slowly, painfully slow. I have a brand new friend and a brand new life but I’m still not happy. To be honest I felt a new depth of unhappiness. With all these new things I actually felt worse. As time passed I began to get an awful, pounding headache. Is this normal for a budding vampire? Is it part of the process? That old feeling began to creep back in. I don’t think I want this. I’m enjoying my newfound friend but it isn’t enough. This is not what I had in mind tonight. All of the sudden the knife was beginning to become very appealing to me again. But Eli has taken it! I know he won’t give it back, not after this.
The feeling became even worse when I suddenly grew a craving for something I’ve basically avoided for years: sunlight. I never thought I would miss it but for some reason I feel like I need it now. In a way I’ve always been like a vampire since I’ve been out of school. I’ve really only had night jobs and I only go out to be with the rest of the world at night… when I go out at all. Why do I want it all of the sudden? Then it hit me. I remembered how Virginia felt in the movie when she said she didn’t want to live. She learned early on that the sunlight was the quickest way out of what she considered a curse. That must be it! That’s why the sun is so desirable now. Suddenly it seems so precious, even more precious than spending time with my new friend. He’s only and needs a friend but I may not be “the right one” as the title insists upon. I do not want this! My thoughts must have slipped out of my mouth as Eli put down the puzzle and looked over at me. He isn’t surprised or upset like I expected him to be.
“I’m sorry, Eli! I didn’t mean that. Don’t mind me. Continue what you were doing. Finish the puzzle. I’m just a little excited, that’s all! You’ve nearly got it, keep going!”
My attempt to cover up what slipped out was failing miserably.
“No, that’s enough for now. Like I said, solving a puzzle right away kind of makes it useless after that. I cannot savor it if I finish it too fast. Not solving the puzzle right away is the key.”
“The key? The key to what?”
“You see, puzzles give me a reason to survive until the next night.”
“I’m sure I understand. Sure, puzzles are fun but I don’t get why they would give you the will to survive another night.”
“Those who believe in vampires often believe that what we have is some kind of an infection or an illness. They’re right. Vampires are very ill creatures and their suffering is always great. What we are is a curse brought upon us. Do you know why you don’t see vampires in this world? Did you think we were a myth until tonight? That we were just the stuff needed to make a good book or movie? You don’t see them because most of them do not exist long enough to be seen. Nearly all of them kill themselves soon after receiving the infection.”
“Is it because of guilt? They feel guilty for what they have to do? They cannot handle the fact that they have to kill, right?”
“No, it isn’t like that at all! The sadness that follows our infection drives them to it. What we have comes with much more of a price than just having to kill for sustenance. What we do for survival isn’t even half of it. Most of them are driven mad by the loneliness and the awful thoughts that come with what we are. After a while they begin to miss things they cannot have anymore. Most of all they get tired of living in darkness, constantly having to creep in shadows. They start to crave sunlight even though they know it’s our biggest enemy. Man can try but they’ll never hurt us like the sun can. The sun draws us in like light draws in flies. Fighting it is useless, at some point they all want to succumb to it.
I’ve seen shows on TV about drug addiction and the power it has over people. Imagine that kind of power but so much stronger and so much deadlier! They go through awful things as they try to feed their addiction and even worse things when they try to kill it. That’s what our desire for the sun is like, but something tells me you know that already. You’re feeling that right now, aren’t you? You feel like you need it to quench some kind of thirst you just do not and cannot understand. You’re becoming like them more and more by the minute. They think the sun can kill the demon inside them and lift the curse of the great sadness. We all know that isn’t true but it doesn’t stop us from wanting to believe it. We all want it and we’re all easily deceived by it.
I am no exception to the lie. I was fooled by it once. I began to tell myself that it couldn’t hurt me and that going out would simply kill the demon but leave the boy. So I let myself get close to it, even tried to touch it. I put my hand in a sliver of sunlight peeking in from a hole in the blanket covering a window. It hurt like nothing has ever hurt before in this life or the one before it!
Others that manage to resist the sun still have a great urge to end the infection. They starve themselves, refusing to feed on blood any longer. This is a much longer and more painful way to end the suffering. Those who starve themselves do it for different reasons. Some cannot stomach the taste and refuse to get used to it and some just cannot handle what it takes to get to the blood.
What I have and what you have now is a serious illness, much like a disease, but much worse! It’s the worst kind of disease because it will never release its hold on you and it can’t ultimately kill you in the end. Most cancers have the ability to kill their host at some point. It eats their host from the inside and at some point it eats enough to kill them. Being a vampire doesn’t do that, it’s actually quite the opposite. Vampirism comes with all the same pains as a type of cancer but there’s no hope that it will kill its host. It’s a contradiction in that it breaks us down to the point of death but makes us eternal. We lose all the things we want and gain all the things a person is never meant to have. That’s why vampirism is the most serious of illnesses. Without killing ourselves we can never die! We’ll feel the pain of death right behind us but it never catches up. All of this leads to more pain and unhappiness. That pain in your head is terrible but it’s really only part of it. They all have it and they all have to live with it. I’m no different. The fight for survival starts inside of here.” He tapped on his head when he said that.
“Getting blood is easy, you are proof of that. We don’t have to feel guilt because we know when death is near and we can beat it to the punch. We can sense any issues within the living that show that their lives are near the end of their road anyway. I knew you were on the verge of jabbing that knife in yourself when I came. I used that to my advantage. You were as good as dead anyway, so I took what I needed from you first. Like I said, this part of surviving is easy. We have nothing. We are nothing. Finding the motivation to continue living such a painful life is the hard part.”
This must be what it feels like to be an addict suffering from withdrawals. The pain in my head is intense and feels like it could explode at any moment!
“I’m afraid to die! Now that I have the life I’ve always fantasized about right in front of me I don’t want to let it go. But the urge to throw myself into the sunlight is just as great as my desire to be with you!”
“Trust me, I know how you feel. Being alone makes the urge even stronger. I’ve wanted to put myself into the sun many times even though I know how bad it’s going to hurt. Loneliness hurts more. That’s why I would like you to be my friend. I need you to be my friend. Please!”
“I will, Eli! I want to be your friend! I’ve always wanted a friend like you. Why are you alone anyway?”
“Because either they won’t stay with me or I cannot stay with them.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you know why other vampires don’t stay with me. Most of them don’t make it long until the illness just becomes too much for them. I’ve tried to make friends amongst the living, but the demon is too strong. After a while the desire to drink their blood becomes stronger than the need for companionship. In time it becomes uncontrollable, so if you care for them the only solution is to leave them. That’s why the surviving vampires never return to their families after the infection has taken hold. It would be their doom sooner or later…”
My thoughts about vampirism were too romantic and ideal, too pretty. Even the harsh reality that is “Let the Right One In” is far too romantic in my mind. I can hardly think right now, the pain in my head is far too great. I cannot stop rubbing my forehead in an attempt to ease the pain. Eli sees that I am suffering but even with his great power he can’t do anything to help me. My voice was beginning to tremble as I asked him how it was that he has survived all this time. How do you fight back, Eli?
“We have time until sunrise, so I’ll tell you everything.”
What does he mean by “we have time until sunrise?” What happens at sunrise? Won’t we be asleep by then like in the movie? Won’t we be laying down to rest while the sun is out? Why did he say that?
“Yes, please, I would like to know everything.”
“Forgive me if it takes a while to remember everything, it’s been so long! I was blessed with a very loving mother and a great home. She took care of my brother, sister, and I so well. She was a saint in our eyes and I think she thought the same about us. Our bond was a very special one made even stronger when my brother and sister passed away. A sickness ravaged our house and took them rather quickly. It wasn’t a sickness of the vampire kind, but it was deadly nonetheless! She and I were the last to become ill but she had a mysterious hope that I could be saved. She believed that she knew of someone who could lift the sickness from me. She didn’t want the cure for herself, she meant for me to have it. Like I said, she was truly a saint. She didn’t know much about this supposed savior, no one did. She didn’t care; she just wanted to save me. All that was really known about him is that he ruled over a castle and was only known as “The Lord.” I don’t remember the journey to his home. I was in a heavy sleep most of the time due to the fever and sickness that was killing me but I can remember that the trek seemed never-ending. It almost felt like he lived in another world! I woke up some time later tied to a bed in a windowless room with a pale-skinned old man staring down at me.”
Then Eli grabbed me. It wasn’t enough to tell me. I needed to see for myself.
“Who are you?”
“I’m the keeper of this castle. You were brought to me.”
“Why am I tied up? Why am I here? Let me out!”
“I’m afraid I cannot do that. I made a promise to your mother. I intend to keep that promise. I always keep my promises.”
“Where is she? Where is my mother? I want to see her! Take me to her now! Let me out of here! Please! I’ll tell her you kept your promise. She doesn’t have to know anything. Please take me to her!”
“I can’t. It doesn’t work like that. Rest now. We’ll talk later.”
“I don’t want to talk later! I want you to untie me! I don’t want to talk to you! I don’t trust you! If you meant this for my benefit I would not be tied to a bed right now! This cannot be good! I don’t like you! I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate you! Let me go! NOW!”
“I know you do. I want you to hate me. That’s a good thing. You need to hate me. The hatred will make you stronger, child. Now rest, we’ll talk later.”
With those words I saw him slip out of the door. Then I saw Eli and how he was suffering in that bed. For a while I came back to reality and listened to Eli telling me the rest of the story.
“I had realized soon after he left that something had changed within me, something awful. I didn’t feel the same kind of sickness, this was much worse. I felt alive but I could feel something decaying inside me. I was well but I was horrible, if that makes any sense at all. I had urges I had never had before and I hated them! The demon was consuming me and I had no control over myself anymore. Before I came there I wanted to be cured and relieved of that illness, now I wanted it back. How does a person get low enough to want a life-threatening illness back? Something tells me I do not need to answer that for you. I didn’t want the cure anymore, I wanted to die. I didn’t know what it was but I knew I didn’t want it. I just wanted a little peace but peace never found me. I wanted to rest but I couldn’t. I tossed and turned and thrashed from side to side but I never went to sleep. It was as if this war inside of me was forcing my eyes open. I knew that man they know as “the Lord” did all of this to me and I hated him for it. He made me into this… this thing you see before you now! He made me into what I soon become to know as a monster. I knew what I was when he brought me blood and I got to know what it was for. He brought it for me to drink, for me to survive. Who drinks blood to survive? A monster does. It got worse when I started piecing together just how he got the blood for me. He has to kill people to get it. I didn’t know then what I know now so the thought of that made me feel terrible. I hated him even more for what he had to do to feed my new illness. But he was keeping me alive, and slowly making me stronger. It wasn’t the blood that was giving me strength; it was my deep and unrelenting hatred toward him.
In time my desire to see my mother gave me the extra strength I needed to attempt an escape. One day I noticed that I didn’t hear the lock click when he left my room, so I decided that was some kind of fateful sign that it was time for me to get away. Once I made my way out I felt a strong attraction that I didn’t understand, a deadly attraction. Through the thick, windowless walls I could feel that the sun was near and for some reason that excited me! I’d heard the stories and the legends about how the sun will turn a vampire to ashes but I wanted to see it. Something about knowing that made me want to see it even more! As I approached the door I heard the old man scream behind me.”
“No! Don’t do that! You cannot go out there! Step away! Don’t you know what’s out there? Can’t you feel it? Did it burn you?”
He had fear in his eyes like he was actually concerned for my well-being, but I didn’t care. His concern seemed to fuel my hatred even more. Then I went after him. I attacked him with great fury, easily knocking him to the floor. I thrashed into him with only one thought, one desire: to destroy him. I was ready to kill him when I realized he wasn’t fighting back. I’m sure he’s strong and certainly he wasn’t afraid of a child, so why won’t he hit me? Why does he just lay there?
“You have every right to kill me, so do it already! I deserve it for the things I’ve done. I’ve done this for so long that I’m ready to be punished for my sins. I’ve killed so many, now it’s my turn to go. I’m tired of all of this. Kill me already!”
“I don’t understand. Why?”
“You cannot understand it and you never will. I’m a monster and now we share the curse. You are a monster too, like it or not. It was the only way to save you from the sickness that was destroying for body. Doesn’t make much sense, does it? It never will. Your mother begged me to help you and at first I refused! She didn’t understand it either. She just wanted you to be well again! I kept telling her no and trying to explain that this ‘cure’ she sought would not be to your benefit. She wouldn’t listen as she insisted that I help you. After hours of her begging and pleading I began to see you as an opportunity. Maybe I could help you. Maybe it could work, and in turn it would alleviate my own suffering and guilt. Maybe by saving you I could save myself!
“But why? Why did you agree to save me? Why would saving me help to save you? Why do you think you deserve to be saved? You’re bad!”
“I know what I am but I thought I could fix it. I wanted you to survive because it just seemed right. I knew you hated me and that made me want to save you even more. I wanted to see you get better so maybe you could get out and see what I know you want so deeply to see. I know you want to see her again, but that just isn’t possible anymore. I’m sorry. During your stay the sickness that killed your brother and sister and was bound to kill you took her. She died shortly after she brought you here. I think she knew her time was short but she wanted one of her babies to carry on. She knew she would never get to see you grow but she wanted you to survive just the same, with or without her. She got what she wanted. You are alive, although the price of your life is very high. With your survival comes great suffering, if your mother would have listened I could have told her that. Maybe this curse wouldn’t be upon you if she would have listened, but you cannot blame her. She loved you so much; all she wanted was to see you well again. With time I realized that I was right and that I could fix things. You could be a blessing to me and hopefully I could return the favor to you. You’re what I’ve been waiting for. You can save me and I can save you. You can leave here and be free, but first you must do something. There is a condition to saving both of us. You must drink my blood.”
“Your blood?”
“Yes, my blood will help you. My blood will give you the hope you need to press on in the world that awaits you outside those doors. I cannot explain why but it will help you to survive. Without it, you won’t get far I assure you. It’s what you need to make you strong, stronger than you already are! I have what you need and we both need you to have it. I must give it to you as a freewill offering; otherwise my blood is as useless as any mortal man. Giving it freely is what gives it power. Someone gave it to me long ago and now I give it to you. Please, take it!”
“What became of the one who gave it to you? Is he not an immortal like you are?”
“No, the weight of it all crushed him. ‘The gift’ will ease your suffering but it will intensify mine and make it heavier than ten thousand men could carry. Your suffering will cease but mine will become unbearable!”
“I don’t believe you! Maybe I don’t want your gift. I still don’t trust you. You did this, why would you offer anything to ease it now?”
“But you must! You must take it! This is my fate, our fate, that has been written long ago and so it must be done this way. This is the only good thing that will ever come from my existence. You must have it! You’re lost without it and so am I.”
By then I was willing to do anything so he would just leave me alone, and so I did it. He slashed his arm and presented it to me and I drank. He wasn’t lying. From the moment the crimson drops hit my lips I began to feel better. I didn’t hurt as much anymore. I felt relieved. At the same time I felt drained. All I wanted to do was rest. I wanted to be rid of him so I could find a place to sleep. For the first time in what seemed like forever I felt like I could actually sleep if I tried. I began to walk away as he chimed in again.
“Just one more thing…”
“Yes, what is it?”
“Good luck, Elias.”
He tried to smile at me as he curled up on the ground looking more pale and weaker than ever. The gift had left him and he was fading fast. I woke up the next day and he was not watching over me anymore. I looked throughout the entire castle but he was nowhere to be found. After a thorough search I decided it was time to move on. When I opened the doors I found a little bit of ash resting on the step, and then it was carried away by a gentle wind. I think I know where the Lord went. Then I left. I’ve never been back to his castle.
“Is that all? Is that the end of the story?”
“Yes, that is the end of my saga with the Lord, but the story isn’t over. I should admit something. I have lied to you.”
“Really? About what?”
“Well, you know how I said that nearly all new vampires die soon after being turned? Well that isn’t true at all. They all die. None of them make it long. They cannot bear the weight that has been placed upon them with their new lives. I’ve had many years to witness it for myself and to learn the real truth as to why my kind is so rare. Rare is a generous word, nearly extinct is a more fitting phrase. Only one can truly survive. The one with the gift. In truth the gift isn’t exactly what it was supposed to be. There’s still suffering but I can do things none of the others can do. One of the biggest things is being able to sleep during the day. It isn’t really sleeping though; it’s more like dying for a short period of time. The sleep is dreamless and all of my life functions seem to be cut off for a while. I don’t breathe, my heart doesn’t beat and my head is shut off. While everything is turned off I don’t have the desire to go out into the sun. While I’m dead so is the attraction. When I’m not asleep time inches by and I am always looking for ways to make it pass quicker. That’s why I rely on puzzles, they help pass time and keep my mind busy. They help me block out the awfully depressing thoughts and to leave the pain behind, although never completely. The pain is always there; just sometimes I’m lucky enough to dull it away a little bit. Sometimes I can stay busy enough to keep it at bay. But the loneliness is always there and not even the puzzles can cure that! I’m always alone. For many years past I have been alone and I know for many years to come I will be alone. The loneliness is inescapable. No gift fixes that. I know that someday the loneliness will do me in, but until then I walk the Earth alone with no one to call a friend.”
His voice was shaking. He was losing his ability to stay strong. He was afraid and so very lonely.
“Please don’t cry, Eli! I will stay with you! I’ll be your friend from now on. I can be the exception for you. I will not die. I promise you that. I’ll stay.”
“You promise? You really promise?”
A bit of hope began to fill his eyes and a little smile shone through as his spirits began to lift. He was relieved to have someone once again.
“Yes, this is the greatest promise I’ve ever made but I’ll keep it. Don’t be afraid. I’ll be there with you.”
Time crept by and eventually Eli fell asleep. I tried so hard to do the same, to no avail of course. With my heavy eyes I looked at him and thought ‘you are so much stronger than I could have ever imagined, my little friend. Even in the darkness of my drab apartment I can see you shine. I see rays of light shooting through your body. Beams of radiance are shining through every pore. You truly are an angel, bright and shining like… like the sun. Such beauty like only the sun can behold. Eli, you are the light in a darkened world, the sun of this decrepit apartment.Then the attraction hit me again. The sun is rising outside. I can feel it heading my way. I searched deep for reasons to resist the urge to let the light in. I have to resist it for myself, to live. I have to resist it for Eli, I promised him. I have to stay away so that the demon within doesn’t get what he wants. The demon wants me to kill it by giving into my own demise, but I refuse! Then I thought that maybe hatred was the answer. Eli has survived for so long due to his hatred and so will I. My hatred will beat the demon. That is my cure. I will hate you, proud demon! Then I began to doubt that the demon existed, or at least in the way that Eli explained it. Maybe the demon was just something that he made up to deal with what he had, like the poor excuse an addict makes. And if it is real maybe Mother Nature is realizing her mistake now and trying to set the wrong things right. Maybe she wants to take back the demon. Surely she never meant to create such an abomination on this Earth. Maybe the sun kills the demon inside and leaves the man… or in Eli’s case, the boy. Maybe this is something that Eli can never understand. He’s only a child. He would never be able to comprehend something so heavy, would he? Yes, this is what’s right! No more petty excuses like an addict would make. It’s time to face up to responsibility. This isn’t an addiction and these aren’t the feelings of withdrawals. This is my responsibility, time to own up to it! This is what I owe to Mother Nature. It’s my duty to go out there and see the sun! Who knows, maybe I am the exception that Eli mentioned before. Maybe I can walk right out there and the sun will have no effect on me. I think I can make it! It won’t hurt me.
… The sunrise was beautiful that morning.
Can PM you if you really want it.
Almost like in "The Highlander" - "There must be only one"
Maybe a little hint?
(I never doubted in this). But maybe I'm wrong.
)