Reflections at Dawn

[a_contemplative_life]

I guess so, to some extent. I kept watching the movie, and when I finally decided to plunge into some internal monologue, I began to watch each scene and then ask myself what Eli would have thought about the day's events when she finally crawled into her tub to go to sleep. I found that I most enjoyed this little piece of fan fiction when I stopped the movie after each encounter between Eli and Oskar and then read the monologue for that day...

There are a number of problems with the story that are now apparent to me. I included the novel's reference to Eli's encounter with Hakan outside the bathroom door following her shower, yet she stinks on the jungle gym with Oskar shortly thereafter. I don't like the addition of the backstory with Eli's imagined brother, Jacob; it makes Eli too sympathetic, I think. Tips the scales too far in one direction. I think the dream narrative following the sleepover scene may be a little too emotionally deep than what might be expected so soon after that. I think Eli is too emotionally tumultuous as the story reaches its end. Maybe. And maybe a little too preoccupied with thoughts of suicide, too.

[DMt.]

No doubt it seemed the honourable recourse, at the time.

[mackousko]

ACL . This is crazy good.

[Clubmeister]

Honestly, I like this story exactly for that Eli is very emotional. If she was not, that woul'd was another story.

[dongregg]

P.S. - so much of what you attributed to Eli reminded me of my first FF, Reflections at Dawn. If you haven't read it and are interested in understanding why I say that, I would urge you to give it a try. I think you'll see what I mean...

I'm so glad you directed me to "Reflections at Dawn." I see the correspondences between Eli here and Eli in "When I Am With You." But I also see a well told tale that greatly overshadows my modest visit with Eli and Oskar in Blackeberg. Another big thank you!

[a_contemplative_life]

P.S. - so much of what you attributed to Eli reminded me of my first FF, Reflections at Dawn. If you haven't read it and are interested in understanding why I say that, I would urge you to give it a try. I think you'll see what I mean...

I'm so glad you directed me to "Reflections at Dawn." I see the correspondences between Eli here and Eli in "When I Am With You." But I also see a well told tale that greatly overshadows my modest visit with Eli and Oskar in Blackeberg. Another big thank you!

Glad you enjoyed it. Maybe someday I'll rewrite it

And please don't denigrate your writing. The work of anyone who takes the time to explore Oskar and Eli's story in a serious way is great by me!

[StrayAway]

"But then ... because I do need him, especially right now.... So ... I went in there."

I'm sorry, Eli, so sorry, Eli. I know not to hate (which is fear). Because it's a weakening thing. I know better; I do. But I can't be better, this time. I hate Hakan, all over again. Even after I thought I learned a new strength, a new, different power, for you, Eli. But I've lost it; it's gone already. Eli. I'm weak, again. I hate Hakan, hate him, in my blinding burning bronze weakness, Eli, and I won't be better this time. I won't. Eli... What, what if I knew a way?

[a_contemplative_life]

"But then ... because I do need him, especially right now.... So ... I went in there."

I'm sorry, Eli, so sorry, Eli. I know not to hate (which is fear). Because it's a weakening thing. I know better; I do. But I can't be better, this time. I hate Hakan, all over again. Even after I thought I learned a new strength, a new, different power, for you, Eli. But I've lost it; it's gone already. Eli. I'm weak, again. I hate Hakan, hate him, in my blinding burning bronze weakness, Eli, and I won't be better this time. I won't. Eli... What, what if I knew a way?

Dude, it's just a story about a story. Take it easy...

[StrayAway]

Dude, it's just a story about a story. Take it easy...

[dongregg]

StrayAway's response disappeared, but this is what it was! Very appropriate!