Post
by Clubmeister » Fri Jun 06, 2014 10:28 pm
Eli and Oskar on the conference
Event: Local vampire conference.
Participants: Eli, Oskar.
Theme: Dragons, Zombies and Vampires: similarities and differences.
Speaker: Eli.
----------------
Eli stood at the speaker’s table and put the glasses on her nose.
Oskar asked:
“Eli, why did you put the glasses? You have a 500% vision!”
“Yes. But speaker on the scientific conference should have the glasses, otherwise nobody will take him seriously”.
“So, our theme is - Dragons, Zombies and Vampires: similarities and differences.
We don’t discuss people here, because they are very well known species. So, we mention them only as a food. Because all eat people - Dragons, Zombies and Vampires. As we recalled about the food…”
Oskar’s stomach began to mutter. Eli knocked pointer on the table:
“Quiet, please.”
Then continue:
“Dragons eat Zombies and Vampires and people. As a fact, - they eat almost everything that moves. They prefer people and zombies (especially zombies) well done and use their fire breath for this purpose. At the same time they know, that vampires, as well as an ice cream, not very good tolerate the fire, so dragons eat them as it is, without additional cooking.”
Oskar raised his hand.
“Yes?”
“Do zombies eat the Dragons?”
Eli scratched her nose.
“Very unlikely. Zombies prefer brains. But try to get the dragon’s brain… Their skull is hard as a titanium alloy and five inches thick. Unless we talk about very little baby-dragon. Ha-ha-ha! You’re funny, Oskar. Baby-dragons even harder to meet than adult ones”
“Why?”
“Because adult dragons hide their babies very well”
Eli corrected her moving-down glasses.
“Talking about vampires, - we know, that they don’t eat zombies, because of their bad blood. But whether zombies eat vampires? I’m not sure, but probably yes, especially you.”
“But why?”
“You look rather tasty (kidding).”
“I continue. Dragons and vampires have wings, but zombies – haven’t.
Anyway, all of them, including people, like to watch TV.
Dragons and zombies tolerate the sunshine, but vampires – rather not.
Dragons are big, all the others are very small compared to them.
Dragons go to the toilet and vampires – don’t. We don’t know for sure, if zombies use the toilet, because all the researchers, who tried to find out this, were eaten.”
“Khm- Khm… Let’s talk about the senses. We know that vampires are out of any competition here. They have super sharp vision, hearing, scent and touch feelings. And to all, the basics of radar.
Zombies touch feeling isn’t very good. As a fact, you can cut out it’s hand and it even won’t notice. May be giggle and say that something itches. But be careful, - while you will laugh, it will bite you and eat your brain. Zombies scent is much better, because they should feel the fresh brains and define its quality. Strictly speaking, they smell only the brains, but very, very good. Hearing and vision are much worse.
By the way, I’d say that people are some bad parody on vampires and enhanced version of zombie.
In other words - neither fish nor fowl, but I’d say - closer to zombie.
Dragons have very good vision and scent, but as a zombie, rather bad touch feeling.”
“Eli, have you ever seen the live dragon?”
“Eh-eh-eh… - No. But it doesn’t matter, because I learned a large amount of theoretical material and works of authoritative experts in dragons”
“Have those experts seen the live dragon?”
“They said that yes.
Well, if there’re no questions anymore, I’m finished”. And Eli took off the glasses.
Oskar applauded.
.
Last edited by
Clubmeister on Sun Jun 08, 2014 8:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.
He is looking at me, silently, expectantly, in the near-dark room, neither smiling nor frowning; gaunt as a Belsen child, proud as the Devil, distant and beautiful as a star. [DMt.]
Great story! Next, maybe Eli and Oskar can concentrate on eating all those Nigerian 'princes' on the internet, who leave all their money to suckers in the U.S. who then send all their bank account info to imaginary lawyers in Nigeria who can't put a decent English sentence together.
