With thanks to all those FF writers who can actually write and Dongregg who inspired me with his love for this beautiful story.. Here's my take on what might happen for the TV series.....................................................................................................................................................The four writers huddled together outside BJ’s office. No one wanted to knock but finally one of them plucked up the courage and did so. From inside they heard the bellowing voice of the studio head. ”Come!” They entered slowly, carefully peeking around the door. With a gesture from his hand, he shouted so loudly that his face turned bright red “Come here!!” They stood in front of his huge desk, all of them quivering. He had their script for the first episode of LTROI the TV series in front of him.BJ sucked on his $200 cigar and poured himself some coffee .He stabbed at the script with a chubby finger “What the hell is this?What the HELL is this?” He ranted over and over again like some weird voodoo mantra. His screams became louder and louder until he was a dribbling, blubbering, purple faced mess. He stood up and threw the coffee into the face of the nearest writer who immediately grabbed his face and ran around the room shrieking. He ran into things, knocking them over until mercifully running into the door and knocking himself out. His leg twitching as he lay there.
As if nothing had happened, BJ sat down, opened up the script and with a red pen started scratching and crossing out things on each page. The pages he felt were unnecessary, he tore out and threw at the three remaining writers. They flinched every time and BJ was pretty sure one of them had wet himself. They all whimpered as BJ’s hand came close to anything that could be a potential missile. Finally, after 30 minutes he was done. He threw the revised script at them. Smirking and thinking himself a genius. ”Do it” he yelled and went to grab a heavy stapler on his desk. The writers ran for their lives script in hand. Two of them grabbed an ankle of their fallen comrade and dragged him to the door. BJ chuckled as they tried to exit the door at the same time. ”Ah! I still got it” he thought.
Two weeks later the studio juggernaut is in full swing. The cast is chosen and the scripts rewritten.BJ sits at his desk alone. He pushes a button and a huge TV screen rises up. Tonight the first promos are being shown. He watches as a woman of impossible proportions, her breasts defying all the laws of physics as they seem to stretch the painted on, skin tight cat suit to its breaking point. She runs through CGI fire as the voice over starts. A snarling, growling whisper “Her childhood cruelly taken, given the curse of the vampire by the Wigman, she escaped but now he wants her back.” A montage of the Wigman is shown; his fangs so long that it impossible for him to speak. Thankfully the actor, an old hand, is schooled in the art of “the wild flailing arms” technique and does the job admirably. The Wigman looks like a cross between an English lawyer and the 65year old transsexual prostitute who hangs around the back of the studio hoping to get lucky. The Wigman commands an army of various demons and monsters who every week try to capture Harmony and Billy (Eli and Oskar sounding far too foreign for BJ). Another montage appears. Harmony's eyes, red and glowing, shooting fireballs at seemingly impossible to stop monsters while little Billy stands behind her cowering. Billy is there purely for comic relief and even has his own catch-phrase. ”I does it wrong Miss Harmony”. The voice over is now sounding practically hysterical. ”Can they do it?.. Will the Wigman have his way? Find out next week on channel 10….Demon Girl only on channel 10.DEMON GIRL” the voice over snarls .BJ finishes his whiskey. He stands up and shouts to an empty room ”I’m a genius. Another hit”. He waddles out tired but feeling like Michael Angelo. ”These 2 hour days are killing me” he thinks
.BJ was right .By the third season ratings were through the roof. It was estimated that a third of the American public watched the show or at least had some sort of merchandise. The show was watched all over the world .Billy’s catch phrase was used by young and old and Harmony’s clothes and perfume line sold out before they even hit the shelves. When, at the end of season three it’s announced that the series would run indefinitely, strange clusters of suicides started to appear all round the world but centred in Sweden and Norway…….
Please Oskar.Be me for a little while.