Fairy tale poem

[jetboy]

This my attempt at a poem about LTROI. It started because when I watched LTROI it reminded me of a dark childrens fairy tale or nursery rhyme. It might help if you keep a beat while reading it. Sometimes there are more words per beat than at others. I hope that it can be figured out and it cannot only be read in MY head. I dont care if you have any kind of criticism and welcome them. Its only a part of LTROI though.

lonely boy
angry inside,
he has no friends
none to confide

the kids at school
they taunt and scare,
he sits alone
and goes to where

he is at his happiest
a place where he can unwind
it is his only playground
and the place is inside his mind

in there he is master
and all of his dreams come true
and all those who cross him
wish they did not do

the things that make him do
what is his on command
because he pays back with vengeance
and there he makes a stand

yes daily he visits
and daily it grows
vengeance turns wicked
yet nobody knows

he is just a youngster
a boy, no more
and they all have their problems
that they cannot ignore

its just another chapter
in somebodys life
a grain of sand in a desert
on the edge of a knife

but a wind seems to be blowing
a change in the air
on an ordinary night
comes an extraordinary nightmare

car wheels crunch
upon the newfallen snow
its a man and his daughter
in a taxi below

"welcome" thinks the kid
"welcome to this hell
where nothing ever happens
youll die under its spell"

the man and the daughter
move in next door
as the nights grow long
and cold as before

who knew what came
with the night and the snow
while people were sleeping
there seemed to be a glow

from a window, in a building
a shadow walked on bye
not the man but the daughter
for sleep she did not try

its a school night, a workday
the normal things remain
or so the normal people thought
and how are we to blame

and thats what the kid thought
as he drifted off to sleep
tommorow will be no different
and i am needing relief

life can be
a double edged sword
where people find comfort
others get bored

where the same old thing
is someones relief
somebody else
will call that same old thing a thief

and the same with this story
analogy remains
in one life is given
and in another life drains

like the bright of the white against
the black that comes from above
some will find death
while others will find love

but upon this snow blanket
so pure and so white
that contrasts the blackness
of the cold winter night

blood is spilled visciously
a young life it drains
the red stains the white
blacks purity remains

or so it would seem
if you saw this unfurl
ignorant of the fathers
thirsty little girl

now hold on a minute, wait just a second,
and wont you please rewind
there were some things that were mentioned
but I am wondering how that they bind

blood was spilled understood
though horrible it reads
next was the little girl
and her thirstful needs

taking these two things
at first they were like mud
or maybe I could not believe
that the girl thirsts for the blood

as the nights grow colder
and ever so long
someone is amongst the people
that doesnt belong

a young life is taken
and now the town does know
that evil has awoken
with the fallen snow

[moonvibe34]

Well, I didn't need a beat to be drawn to each verse. I like this because it seems to capture some of the dark tones of the story while expressing different sides it's themes. I really like this:

he sits alone
and goes to where

he is at his happiest
a place where he can unwind
it is his only playground
and the place is inside his mind

in there he is master
and all of his dreams come true
and all those who cross him
wish they did not do

the things that make him do
what is his on command
because he pays back with vengeance
and there he makes a stand

[awqaw]

Dude, that was awesome! ill have to admit its better than mine

[thestich]

I am going to be a cliche.

Not much of a poetry reader, but I liked this a lot.

[Doosty]

Awesome. My roommate likes to write poetry so I read his a lot. I like this better

[jetboy]

Thanks, thanks, thanks. I appreciate the positive feedback. I have more though. I didnt want to put it all out at once because its long (and not finished) and with the format I wrote it in it could make it more boring, than it could be, if I didnt split it up. Thanks again.