My Very First Story - Never Again

[Wolfchild]

I for one appreciate some darker fan fic showing up. The horror and darkness of Eli's existence only makes it more believable that the love of pathetic little Oskar was the greatest gift possible.

No great picture could be painted with a palette of only bright, cheery colors. Similarly much of the beauty in LTROI comes from the juxtaposition of light and darkness among its various themes. I like seeing this balance be struck among the fiction as well. Sauvin's Oskar At 40 was necessary. So is Never Again.

[jellmoo]

Kewl story, jellmoo. Short, intense, and to the point. And, for the record, Kihlstedt had it coming as far as I'm concerned.

Thank you kindly sir!

And I couldn't agree more. He deserves much, much worse.

I for one appreciate some darker fan fic showing up. The horror and darkness of Eli's existence only makes it more believable that the love of pathetic little Oskar was the greatest gift possible.

I like that notion. A small ray of hope in an existence of pain and darkness. There's something profound about about Oskar's acceptance and unconditional friendship being a catalyst for something more.

No great picture could be painted with a palette of only bright, cheery colors. Similarly much of the beauty in LTROI comes from the juxtaposition of light and darkness among its various themes. I like seeing this balance be struck among the fiction as well. Sauvin's Oskar At 40 was necessary. So is Never Again.

o_0

Wow, that is deliciously depressing. It's so strange to see Oskar portrayed like that. When I think of the kids, I find myself wanting to shelter and protect Eli, but at the same time I find myself wanting to push Oskar. To make him stronger. To make him more heroic. This is such an about face to that idea, that it is practically un-readable, but in a good way, if that makes sense.

After finishing up my little story and reading that, I need to make sure that the next thing that comes out of me is chipper and filled with unicorns. This palette needs cleansing.

[sauvin]

No great picture could be painted with a palette of only bright, cheery colors. Similarly much of the beauty in LTROI comes from the juxtaposition of light and darkness among its various themes. I like seeing this balance be struck among the fiction as well. Sauvin's Oskar At 40 was necessary. So is Never Again.

o_0

Wow, that is deliciously depressing. It's so strange to see Oskar portrayed like that. When I think of the kids, I find myself wanting to shelter and protect Eli, but at the same time I find myself wanting to push Oskar. To make him stronger. To make him more heroic. This is such an about face to that idea, that it is practically un-readable, but in a good way, if that makes sense.

After finishing up my little story and reading that, I need to make sure that the next thing that comes out of me is chipper and filled with unicorns. This palette needs cleansing.

Jellmoo, I was pretty sure you'd bring something of value into the forum. Now, I'm virtually positive. This was an excellently written piece!

I don't mean to be critical of some of the other fanfic writers. They write what's in their hearts, and most of them write very very well. Unfortunately, they're good-hearted people, and theirs tend to be good-hearted tales. Wolfchild is correct, much of the power in LTROI is in its contrast, in pitting light against dark, striking a rather careful balance so we're overwhelmed by neither even while being deeply touched by both simultaneously. However, the Great Unwashed with little emotional investement in either the novel or the movie would characterise much of the fanfic on this site as being "sappy, syrupy and sickeningly sentimental".

On this board, there's been discussion of what Eli's relationship with her past helpers must have been like. I'd speculated in a fairly longish post that the uncertainty of her twelve year old emotional makeup sometimes makes her less feel less powerful than what is actually the case, and that the scenario your fanfic presents may not be as atypical as many on this board would like to believe. Even movie Eli, coldly and constantly guarded and watchful as she is... well, um, how do you suppose she got that way? I don't myself assume it's wholly from fear of being hunted as a vampire.

I'm sometimes bemused by the idealism with which we treat her (and yes, as iconoclastic as I can sometimes be, the luminously beautiful Eli seen in the movie is hard for me not to idolise as well). Our Eli would never do this or allow herself to be forced into doing that - [deleted], our Eli never smokes, swears or goes to the bathroom! I can see this Eli, but I can also see the Eli who took down two fully grown men when she was "weak" and wiped out three bullies in just about as much time as it takes to tell. I can see the Eli who eats this red stuff that smells and tastes so GROSS, the stuff that we can't live without. I can see the Eli who tells a Tommy "No, you couldn't just take my money" with the same factual certainty you or I would have in asserting that grass is green.

I can see the Eli who can do what it takes to survive.

Bug me at some point, if you want, and I'll see if I can't find the post where I'd speculated on Eli's past minders, on the possibility that this is the quality of human contact she's had over the past couple of centuries, and how it may have shaped her view of herself, of humanity and of life in general. That discussion was in prelude to my considering another fanfic, a running dialog (if I remember correctly) taking place inside her head as the bedroom scene unfolds in the movie; I'd actually written it, edited it, reconsidered it and then decided to discuss some of the backstory to it before actually trying to post it.

In all events, my Oskar at 40 was an attempt at bringing "balance" into the forum, although I hadn't viewed it in such explicit (or diplomatic) terms when I wrote it. It was foremost an exploration into one possible moment in one possible future for an unturned Oskar who'd stayed with his lifelong love, and it was actually something of a rebellion against the curiously academic and otherwise seemingly blind image We, The Infected (myself included) often see when looking at the kids after they've left the train station. Easy enough for me to do, I guess - I was Oskar when I was 12, far worse than what's seen in the movie but not as bad in some respects as what's seen in the novel. It's very easy for me to see only the dark, and much of what I see in Eli is very dark indeed, and sometimes, a giddily giggling Eli is a bit tough for me to believe.

I find your take on Oskar's reaction dead on. In the movie, Oskar wasn't actually much good, except as an alarm, when Lacke invaded her bathroom, but novel Oskar brained him with his Rubik's Cube. Of course, movie Oskar not being much good might just have been in Eli reacting too fast - I've also posted my feeling that if things had progressed just a bit further, movie Oskar would have carved Lacke up in pretty much the same way yours did. The price of not doing so would simply have been too high, and I'm betting Oskar knows this, in his bones and in his blood.

I also find your take on Oskar's naivete more than reasonably credible. Novel Oskar, at thirteen, still had no idea what a "hole" is or what one is supposed to do with it; movie Oskar, being slightly younger, would have had no better idea what he was seeing when he barged into your landlord's office. He didn't have to understand anything except the emotions he saw as you describe in Eli's face.

Jellmoo, I look forward to reading more of your fanfiction, particularly if you choose to pursue this kind of realism and balance. Even if this is your only piece in this vein, however, know this: it's a gem, and I'm grateful to you for having written it.

Edit: 5 Novembre 2011, replaced a "bad word" with [deleted] to comply with renewed restrictions on language.

[drakkar]

Jellmoo, I was pretty sure you'd bring something of value into the forum. Now, I'm virtually positive. This was an excellently written piece!

Agreed. I would like to add Gasan's Love's Epithaph to the list of the lesser light contributions. An ambiogously happy Epilogue.

[jellmoo]

Jellmoo, I was pretty sure you'd bring something of value into the forum. Now, I'm virtually positive. This was an excellently written piece!

Wow. Thank you very, very much for the kind words. They are greatly appreciated.

Honestly, I think it's a little naive to say that somebody is going to like every piece of fan fiction present. We are all different people with different views and thoughts about this wonderful story. Some we will like, some others might not be our respective cups of tea. And that's 100% fine. I think the key is to remember where everyone is writing from, and that's a common love for the source material. Even if I might not agree with the content of a story, or am not in love with what's written, every piece of fan fic I have read on this site had that element of love for the story. That's what drives me to read more, that feeling of commonality. Knowing exactly where the the writer was, and how those thoughts consumed them. For me, there is a great deal of beauty in that.

This story literally interrupted two others that I was playing with. It halted them completely. I could not continue thinking about them until this was out of the way. And honestly, a lot of me hates this story. It's dark and not at all what I *want* for them. But at the same time, I think there is something compelling about ultimate adversity. A lot of stories deal with them having a happy ending, which is precisely what I want. I want them to have that happy ending. I just, for the life of me, haven't been able to think one up of my own as of yet. Maybe one day I will. All I can think up right now are small stories, where this is no real ending, happy or otherwise.

I waffle a lot when it comes to how "likely" a scenario this really is. Obviously I think of it as possible, otherwise I doubt I would have written it. I think our perception of the characters really affects where we think they can go. My personal perception is that Eli would do almost anything to protect Oskar. I don't really have any concrete proof to that effect, the book and movie are just too short to really know for certain. But my perception, and likely what I *want* them to be leads me to that notion.

One of the things I was looking at in regards to Eli's past helpers is just how weak Hakan was. In pretty much every aspect, he was an incredibly weak willed individual. Nothing about him suggested that he would be able to stand up to anyone who exerted dominance, let alone one with the power and ability of a Vampire. But, if Eli had similar helpers in the past, would they all be that weak? Were there some powerful and dominant individuals that could take advantage of Eli's weaknesses?

Oskar at 40 is an excellent piece of work that frustrated me to no end. Why? Because I can see it. Simply from my own experiences, I have known idealistic and bright young kids that have grown up to become bitter, jaded and somewhat wicked men. The possibility of it being true, of distorting such a loveable and wonderful character is what makes it so poignant. But being able to see how he could grow old and jaded, how the complexity of this relationship could in fact ruin him is what makes it work for me. If it had been more over the top, darker than it was, I think it would have lost it's effect. As written, it makes a loved character just distasteful enough to leave that sour taste in your mouth, and that's why it works.

Again, thank you very much, for both the kind words and the discussion. Having whet my appetite a bit, I don't think I can stop just yet. The film still consumes my thought too much for that. However, I think I may have to take a small break from the dark side though. Something a little more happy to eat away at the dirt I think.

Jellmoo, I was pretty sure you'd bring something of value into the forum. Now, I'm virtually positive. This was an excellently written piece!

Agreed. I would like to add Gasan's Love's Epithaph to the list of the lesser light contributions. An ambiogously happy Epilogue.

Oh. My. God.

And that is why one should not read fan fic at work. I can handle bad things happening to the kids. I hate it, but I can handle it. I can handle ultimate sacrifice, if it comes to that. I can handle tragedy.

I can't handle the notion that their love would just... stop. That for me, is about the most terrifying prospect I can picture for them. The notion that they would just drift away from one another, completely separate... That is just too much. I am way too much of a romantic for that. Way too sensitive a giant. That one hurts.

Brilliantly done though. Absolutely brilliantly done. Wow.

[drakkar]

I can't handle the notion that their love would just... stop. That for me, is about the most terrifying prospect I can picture for them. The notion that they would just drift away from one another, completely separate... That is just too much. I am way too much of a romantic for that. Way too sensitive a giant. That one hurts.

Maybe it didn't stop. Only it wasn't strong enough to stand up against the real world in the long run. Even worse.

[jellmoo]

I can't handle the notion that their love would just... stop. That for me, is about the most terrifying prospect I can picture for them. The notion that they would just drift away from one another, completely separate... That is just too much. I am way too much of a romantic for that. Way too sensitive a giant. That one hurts.

Maybe it didn't stop. Only it wasn't strong enough to stand up against the real world in the long run. Even worse.

Oooooo... that was mean!

But that's exactly right. Knowing that their love wasn't strong enough to fight against the world? Knowing that it couldn't overcome all of the obstacles in their way? For me, that is the essence of horror.

[N.R. Gasan]

Thank you, drakkar and jellmoo; I am truly honored by your kudos. If it's any consolation to you, jell, I shed some tears myself when I was writing that story. No joke.

[a_contemplative_life]

Thank you, drakkar and jellmoo; I am truly honored by your kudos. If it's any consolation to you, jell, I shed some tears myself when I was writing that story. No joke.

We all shed some serious tears over that one, N.R. you bastard! I personally would never do that to anyone!

[jellmoo]

Thank you, drakkar and jellmoo; I am truly honored by your kudos. If it's any consolation to you, jell, I shed some tears myself when I was writing that story. No joke.

I believe it. I really, really do. If it's any solace, you made a large former bouncer tear up at work, forcing him away from his desk for a few minutes.

For the life of me, I don't know what bothers me most: That they could simply drift apart like that. That one ever could replace the other. That Eli would just slowly, painfully slowly let Oskar go completely. Or that Eli would keep those momentos for all that time, but never... GAH!

Well played sir. You have won this round.