A Cold Winter's Night (Let Me In)

[VerbalHamster]

Hey all, I've been lurking for sometime and I've just finished writing up a collection of four short stories that I imagine to be based after the end of Let Me In. Since the collection was written using the forum discussions on Abby and Owen and Lindqvist's "Let the Old Dreams Die" as a basis for characterization and possible directions (plus a good dose of inspiration from metoo's fanfic series), I wanted to post the links here and see what you guys think of it.

Each story is set in a different year (slightly out of chronological order since I didn't have inspiration for my last story until after I'd written the third). I tried to use them to examine different aspects of Abby and Owen and their life post-Let Me In. There's no overarching storyline since I still struggle with long plots, so it's essentially a series of snapshots. The first story concerns where they are "now" in terms of personality and activity, the second is about what happened a day or two after the film, the third is a look at what their life might generally be like in terms of their "day-to-day" (or "night-to-night", as it were), and the fourth is meant to examine personality development.

This was my first real foray into writing, so I tried to develop my writing style with each story, with differing tenses, amount of description, POV characters, and pacing.

It's available on both FF and AO3.

• Fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14126907/1 ... er-s-Night
  ArchiveOfOurOwn: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41550 ... /104213280

[Siggdalos]

Welcome to the forum! Always good to see another lurker come in from the cold.

I meant to comment on this earlier, but wanted to take the time to think about the stories some more first. I should preface this by saying that I haven't watched LMI and therefore don't think I'm particularly qualified to comment on O&A's characterization here, but I'll give my thoughts anyway, from the perspective of someone who only knows the original book and movie.

I didn't care much for the first two stories. The sequence of events in each is good and believable, but I think the amount of description is too wordy for my taste (note: matter of taste). That said, I like the depiction of Miles in "A Cold Winter's Night"--I think you manage to evoke a lot of pity for him with relatively little--and Owen's thoughts and perspective throughout "After the Sunset", particularly how he compares his own situation to the ones in his scrapbook. (A question, though: shouldn't O&A have needed an invitation to the house in "After the Sunset" considering that it's currently inhabited?)

I really like "A Story in Retrospect". The dialogue and characterization are on point through most of it. The pacing feels good despite its length and the amount of description is detailed enough to give a vivid picture of each scene without being excessive IMO. O&A being introduced to Rayman is fun--I myself have thought about what Oskar and Eli's first encounter with video games would be like but have never quite settled on how I want to depict it--but it doesn't take away from the building sense of apprehension running through it all up until the ending.
To be frank about one thing, though, I felt a little bothered by how similar some elements and scenes are to my own "Lights". I realize it's entirely possible I'm being unfair with that comparison. That old thing isn't anything particularly unique concept-wise and your story has a very different premise and purpose (and is probably better written), but I did want to mention it since it was on my mind while reading. Anyhow.

"The Warmth of Spring" is great. The section from the daughter's perspective is unrelentingly brutal and horrific in a way I don't think I've seen in any other fanfic on here (not that I've read all that many). O&A's subsequent feelings and rationalization are also convincing (especially the vivid description of the way that his fear of losing Abby overshadows everything else). Good stuff. The only aspect of it I don't like is that, while the pacing is good for the most part, I think it becomes repetitive toward the end--though I think it's saved by the suitably disturbing last paragraph.

Overall I think you communicate a good understanding of the characters, both in each standalone piece and when all four are taken into account as a study of their development over time. IMO you definitely accomplished what you set out to do. If you do ever write anything more, be sure to let us know!

[VerbalHamster]

Hi Siggdalos, it's great to be here. I feel a bit bad I seemed to have missed the forum's heyday haha. Thanks for the comprehensive feedback!

I didn't care much for the first two stories.

Yeah, I had just started writing again after a break, so I'm not too surprised. Those were rough trying to find the balance between detail and action, and I think I strayed a little too close to Stephen King-style in terms of detail for what ended up being fairly short narratives. I tried to keep the reader engaged with suspense, but looking back even I find them tedious to read, especially the first half of "After the Sunset". By the time of the third and fourth stories I had made sure to go over more writing advice and analyze other authors' short stories. It's a small miracle that after the first story anyone wants to read the rest of the collection.

Owen's thoughts and perspective throughout "After the Sunset", particularly how he compares his own situation to the ones in his scrapbook.

I'm glad that worked out. I'd read Meditations on Violence by Rory Miller before writing it, and one of the things mentioned in the book was how people have narratives in their head that shape the way they view themselves and the world around them. I wanted Owen to process real life horror and his role in it through the lens of the media he consumed as a way of adjusting his own internal narrative to accommodate the fact he now has to kill for a living.

shouldn't O&A have needed an invitation to the house in "After the Sunset" considering that it's currently inhabited?

I do have a line in there about Owen inviting Abby in, but I put it at end of a compound sentence in the fifth paragraph so it's easy to miss.

I really like "A Story in Retrospect". The dialogue and characterization are on point through most of it. The pacing feels good despite its length and the amount of description is detailed enough to give a vivid picture of each scene without being excessive IMO.

I'm actually pleasantly surprised at how strongly you like it. I tried balancing pacing, description, and tension, but I was afraid it dragged at times. I was worried I'd lose the reader halfway through.

O&A being introduced to Rayman is fun--I myself have thought about what Oskar and Eli's first encounter with video games would be like but have never quite settled on how I want to depict it--but it doesn't take away from the building sense of apprehension running through it all up until the ending.

I'm really happy to hear this! I was channeling my own childhood memories of Rayman 2 when writing the scene. I also wanted to kind of callback to Abby's unfamiliarity with a Rubik's cube, and how that sort of cultural disconnection might begin to apply to Owen over time as well. They wouldn't really be able to get any familiarity with modern video games unless interacting with other children, so I tried using that as a way to set up the ending and add some ambiguity to their friendship with the narrator.

To be frank about one thing, though, I felt a little bothered by how similar some elements and scenes are to my own "Lights"

Honestly, I haven't read that yet. When I was outlining and drafting, I was actually concerned I was hewing too close to metoo's fanfiction series haha. I'll give yours a read!

EDIT - just started reading yours. And here I thought I was being original. Goddamn, everything really has been done before haha. I was trying to go for that kind of feel where, as a kid, there are moments you don't realize just how close you come to death until you look back as an adult. FWIW, I was inspired to write this after remembering a time I traded ghost stories with a friend after drinks. That throwaway line about a "blue man" is taken from then.

You incorporate the storyteller narrative feel much more effectively than I do, and with a much pithier title. You also do a fantastic job of capturing emotions and feel, which is something I really struggle with. I'd felt my story was a bit too bare on the emotional aspect of being a kid, and reading yours confirms the feeling haha. Wish I'd read yours first!

The section from the daughter's perspective is unrelentingly brutal and horrific in a way I don't think I've seen in any other fanfic on here (not that I've read all that many).

That's great to hear. I tried channeling Stephen King for that, as well as the aggregate feeling from a collection of short vampire stories I had (Seize the Night, which also has "What Kept You So Long?" by Lindqvist). I noticed when reading a few fanfics that it was easy to gloss over the horror elements or just wave them away with a "this person died, so sad"-kind of feel, so I wanted to show readers how terrifying Abby (and Owen) truly are for their victims while still balancing that against sympathetic elements and keeping the reader rooting for them. Since the American remake was a bit more of a standard horror than the Swedish movie, I wanted to convey that kind of strong horror mood.

O&A's subsequent feelings and rationalization are also convincing (especially the vivid description of the way that his fear of losing Abby overshadows everything else)

I'm glad they felt convincing! Another reason I liked Meditations on Violence was how it discussed the way violence plays out from the attacker's perspective and how the attackers rationalize violent actions. I wanted to try and incorporate elements of those rationalization processes into Abby and Owen's thoughts. If you haven't read it, it's a good read for writing horror, although I just skimmed over the martial arts stuff.

The only aspect of it I don't like is that, while the pacing is good for the most part, I think it becomes repetitive toward the end--though I think it's saved by the suitably disturbing last paragraph.

Yeah, if you're referring to the very end scene, after the process of rationalization (although I think I even hammered that process a bit too much), it was tough to figure out how to convey innocence of a date vs the killings. I could only think of a few options, and I was afraid it was going to end up being like the first story. Instead, I personally feel like it ended up being too similar to the ending mood of "After the Sunset", which probably contributes to the repetitive feel of the scene. Is there anything you would do differently? I think my imagination is a bit limited there.

IMO you definitely accomplished what you set out to do. If you do ever write anything more, be sure to let us know!

That's fantastic to hear! My greatest fear with fanfiction is character derailment. Just takes the reader entirely out of it. I'll try and think of some additional stories, but I've got trouble with longer narratives, and I think I've covered all I can in short-story format. If you or anyone else wants to take elements from my work, go for it!

[Siggdalos]

I feel a bit bad I seemed to have missed the forum's heyday haha.

Yeah, I can relate to that, as someone who also came in relatively recently. But it is what it is, as Eli would say.

It's a small miracle that after the first story anyone wants to read the rest of the collection.

Aw, don't be too hard on yourself.

I do have a line in there about Owen inviting Abby in, but I put it at end of a compound sentence in the fifth paragraph so it's easy to miss.

Ah, you're right. I must've skimmed past that part. My bad.

You incorporate the storyteller narrative feel much more effectively than I do, and with a much pithier title. You also do a fantastic job of capturing emotions and feel, which is something I really struggle with. I'd felt my story was a bit too bare on the emotional aspect of being a kid, and reading yours confirms the feeling haha. Wish I'd read yours first!

Well, thank you. I somewhat disagree about your story, though; I think it has its fair share of emotion, it's just more subdued and between-the-lines. I think that that kind of detached feeling works to its favor, considering Amelia's life situation and the story's darker and more uncertain tone.

I'm not really happy with how "Lights" is written, looking back on it. I wrote it in Swedish first and then translated the whole thing in a rush over the course of two days, so there's a lot of Swenglish and awkward wording in it. I should go back and do a re-translation at some point.

Another reason I liked Meditations on Violence was how it discussed the way violence plays out from the attacker's perspective and how the attackers rationalize violent actions. I wanted to try and incorporate elements of those rationalization processes into Abby and Owen's thoughts. If you haven't read it, it's a good read for writing horror, although I just skimmed over the martial arts stuff.

Thanks for the recommendation! I'll look into it.

Yeah, if you're referring to the very end scene, after the process of rationalization (although I think I even hammered that process a bit too much), it was tough to figure out how to convey innocence of a date vs the killings. I could only think of a few options, and I was afraid it was going to end up being like the first story. Instead, I personally feel like it ended up being too similar to the ending mood of "After the Sunset", which probably contributes to the repetitive feel of the scene. Is there anything you would do differently? I think my imagination is a bit limited there.

Ah, no, I meant the rationalization after the second kill. Should've worded that better, sorry. I think the only thing I'd change, really, is to shorten those parts down by a few paragraphs and cut out some of the repetition. The very end scene is good as-is, I think.

[VerbalHamster]

I'm not really happy with how "Lights" is written, looking back on it. I wrote it in Swedish first and then translated the whole thing in a rush over the course of two days, so there's a lot of Swenglish and awkward wording in it. I should go back and do a re-translation at some point.

I'm pretty envious that you can write so well in both Swedish and English! The sentence structure and wording was pretty good for such a quick turnaround - I know translating into a foreign language is rough.

Thanks for the recommendation! I'll look into it.

It's a surprisingly good read. That said, it's meant to look at the applicability of martial arts in real world situations, so most of the content is devoted kind of dispelling the myths around self-defense rather than being strictly a study of thought processes, but it's useful for that, too. As you can imagine, since it's written by a career police officer, some of the content does get a bit strong, but I've found it's good for getting into the heads of people we hopefully don't have to deal with much in real life.

Ah, no, I meant the rationalization after the second kill. Should've worded that better, sorry. I think the only thing I'd change, really, is to shorten those parts down by a few paragraphs and cut out some of the repetition. The very end scene is good as-is, I think.

Gotcha! I wanted to slow the pace for the reader to convey the sort of "panic thinking" that someone in that situation might have and so it didn't seem like an instantaneous process, but I wasn't sure how to properly execute that, so it definitely dragged on. I'll make sure to keep things short when in doubt. I'll check out more of the fanfiction around here and see how other people handle pacing.