Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

A forum for discussing fan fiction related to Let The Right One In
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Galen
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Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Galen » Fri Mar 04, 2022 7:41 am

Thanks for the encouragement metoo! I binge read a ton of your stories right after I found this site. All so well written and engaging. Speaking of which, I have a feeling a lot of what I'm going to be posting is heavily... umm... inspired by your writing, so apologies in advance if it feels too similar.

I'm a bit further ahead than what I'm posting here because I wrote it all so quickly while I was deliriously tired (crazy amounts of work giving me no sleep :P), and now I'm just going back and just making sure it's not too inconsistent... although I'm still quite sleep deprived, so i'm not sure how useful my editing it is.


---

Downtown Karlstad, not far from the metro station.

“Excuse me.”

“Excuse me.”

It took two times for the soft voice of what seemed to be a young girl to catch the attention of two men, maybe in their mid twenties, talking outside of a bar while smoking. It was only eight o’clock they were already drunk, and quite oblivious to the child until their ever so important conversation was interrupted.

It wasn’t her voice that caught Patrik’s attention though, it was the response of one of the men.

Patrik had just been out getting a few groceries for a late night snack in front of the tv when he spotted this destitute looking young girl, soaked through from the freezing drizzle without a coat.

“What do you want?” When the young man saw the face of a twelve year old girl, he waved a hand at her, “Fuck off.”

She continued anyways, undeterred, “Could either of you help us to get a hotel in the area? I have money --”

“I said fuck off, go home to your mommy, we aren’t buying you anything.” The young man reached out and pushed the young girl back with a light press on the shoulder. She was manipulated with no effort whatsoever, falling down onto her rear end with an ‘oof’.

“What are you doing? Beating up kids?” The young man’s friend didn’t sound particularly upset, in fact, he was snickering, even while he was chastising him.

“I barely even touched her.” His friend held up his hands.

“I can pay you extra to get us a room, please.” The young girl continued speaking from the ground, emotionless, or at least good at hiding any of them.

“Oh, you have money, huh?” The young man who’d pushed her turned about and placed his hands on his hips, slowly walking over the girl and standing above her.

Patrik had had enough of this since the moment they’d touched this girl. He had already crossed through the middle of the street without so much as a glance for any traffic, his eyes were set on the altercation he was witnessing.

“Leave her be.” His deeper, gruffer sounding voice betrayed how much older he was, though his appearance couldn’t be called intimidating. Not particularly tall, a little overweight, well worn clothing, and carrying a plastic bag as he approached them.

He had short, dirty blonde hair, and though he wasn’t taller than either of the two young men, he was wider, stouter, and probably a lot more capable of handling himself. He was maybe fifty or so, but looked like he moved swiftly and with ease.

“What are you, her dad? Why don’t you get her back home to bed then?”

“Get out of here you little shits.”

“Fuck off.”

“Just back off then.” The older man placed himself between the kid and the young men, and perhaps thankfully, they didn’t seem to have any fight in them, especially since he turned his back on them.

“C’mon.” He offered his hand to the girl, who hesitantly accepted the help, getting back upright soon thereafter.

”What’dya need? A ride home? Make a phone call?” The man was clearly trying to usher her away while the two men stared at the both of them. Before long though, the two hotheads seemed more interested in their conversation once again.

“I just need...” She hurried along, glancing over her shoulder once, “We just need a little help, to get a place to stay.”

Patrik turned to look at the girl who seemed to be unsure of herself, looking about nervously. She’d stopped walking when they’d gotten in front of an alleyway, still only a few yards away from their little confrontation.

Into the darkness she went and appeared moments later, her arms around a young, similarly aged boy. He had blonde hair poking out from underneath his winter hat. He was a touch pudgy, but still rather frail looking himself, and in fact, he looked quite worse for wear. He held one hand on his stomach with the other in his pocket, and stared glassy eyed toward the ground as he let himself be led along by the young girl. She left him there momentarily and dodged back into the darkness of the alley.

“Hey hey -- are you alright?” The older man wasn’t going to let this go, and immediately turned to hold a hand out to the boy, grabbing his other arm. “He looks sick -- you aren’t stabbed or anything are ya?”

“No, no, he’s sick though.” The meak voice called out from the shadows.

“Let’s get him to the hospital, c’mon.”

“No!” She shouted this time, loudly, deeply, it was almost unnatural the voice that came from her, causing Patrik to stop in his tracks, he was just about to bend down to pick the boy up when he heard that. The dark haired girl emerged from the darkness once again, this time dragging a large leather bound trunk. It looked heavy, and she looked as though she had no real way of moving it around.

Perhaps the two of them had been carrying it side by side before the blonde one got sick.

“We’re...” The girl glanced from side to side, then up with wide eyes, as though she’d just remembered, “We’re in trouble.”

Runaways. He breathed in deeply, eyes shifting between the two kids. Kids, that’s all they were. He didn’t believe her, not in the way he interpreted those words.

“With who?”

“Please.” She pleaded with him, these sad eyes looking at him as though this would ruin their lives if he brought them to the hospital, or a police station.

If this ‘trouble’ they were in was simply with their parents, or foster parents, he understood.

“Afraid to be put back... home?” He paused, “Both of you?”

The girl hesitated, then nodded, her eyes averting from his.

“He needs to be seen by a doctor, what if it’s his appendix?”

“It’s not -- I know what it is -- he’s... We just haven’t eaten well...”

“Hungry, too?” The man let out a sigh. If things were going to pull on his heart strings, it was going to be that.

“...Yes,” The dark haired child sounded hesitant, “He’s... allergic to bread, and we didn’t have any other choice.”

Patrik wasn’t sure what to make of it, something sounded a bit off, made up on the spot with the subtle stuttering he’d heard in that soft voice. He knew of various allergies, some rarer than others, it was fine, inconsequential. He shrugged, it seemed to fit. The two were runaways, no money, hard to get food, had to scavenge for something and it just wasn’t good for this poor kid. Wait, didn’t she say she had money? He couldn’t be sure what he heard on the way across the street, regardless, getting a place to sleep inside was far more important than getting a bite to eat at this time of year.

“Alright c’mon, it’s too cold out here anyway, and we can discuss it back at my place.”

“No please, if you could just help us get a hotel room for the night.” The girl reached into a small bag slung over her side.

“No, no, I insist. I promise I’m not some pervert -- my girlfriend will cook you some food, you’ll get warm, and then you can figure out what you’re doing.” The man tried to smile, lifting up the hand that carried the bag, “Listen, I was just picking up some cheese and snacks. Come to my place, knock on the door, meet Emma, and then decide if we’re too scary to stay with.”

“If you want to leave right away, one of us will bring you somewhere to get a room for the night, I promise.”

Patrik watched as the girl turned to her boy companion, he didn’t look well at all, and he hesitated having even suggested this, but maybe Emma would have a better chance at convincing them to go to a doctor.

“Alright,” The girl acquiesced, reluctantly it sounded; there was no doubt to Patrik that he felt untrusted. Good, he thought, that would keep these two a bit safer on the road.

“If it isn’t far.”

“It’s not, do you think he can walk? I can carry your trunk.” The man was already setting his things atop it and squatting down.

“Yes, I can help him.” She ducked under the boy’s arm, lifting him up as he groaned in pain, easily supporting his weight, much to Patrik’s surprise. She looked tiny compared to him, but he supposed the boy weighed next to nothing despite whatever moderate softness around the midsection he may have had.

He nodded to her once and lifted up the trunk -- it wasn’t too heavy, awkward maybe, but not entirely full. The poor kids probably had next to nothing with them, hence why the girl was wearing so little. He nodded to the two of them as he started walking once again, balancing that plastic bag against his chest and face on top of this ridiculously large suitcase.

Just as he’d promised, the building was right in downtown Karlstad, only a couple blocks away. And just as he’d said, a woman opened the door to the apartment moments after he’d called out to her by name.

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Siggdalos
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Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Siggdalos » Fri Mar 04, 2022 7:33 pm

Some criticisms: I think the opening of this part is written in a confusing way where the perspective isn't entirely clear; at first I wasn't sure whether or not Patrik was one of the two twenty-somethings. Also, since you've so far written this from a limited third-person perspective where we get insight into what the characters are thinking, I think it's jarring that it seems to switch to an outside narrator in order to describe Patrik's appearance (especially "maybe fifty or so", since he should know his own age).

Also, I feel that the prose can get on the wordy and overdescriptive side of things, especially in Oskar's POV where the language can feel too advanced compared to how a 13-year-old would describe things, and at times it takes me out of the story somewhat. That's mostly personal preference, though, and of course you should write in whichever way you prefer.

Do keep going. I'm really curious to see where things are headed.

Also:
Galen wrote:
Fri Mar 04, 2022 7:41 am
“Listen, I was just picking up some cheese and snacks. Come to my place, knock on the door, meet Emma, and then decide if we’re too scary to stay with.”
Hmm...
De höll om varandra i tystnad. Oskar blundade och visste: detta var det största. Ljuset från lyktan i portvalvet trängde svagt in genom hans slutna ögonlock, la en hinna av rött för hans ögon. Det största.

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Jameron
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Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Jameron » Sat Mar 05, 2022 12:27 pm

I'm enjoying this, keep it coming 👍
"For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli’s eyes. And what he saw was … himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."

Galen
Posts: 37
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Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Galen » Sun Mar 06, 2022 7:51 am

Siggdalos wrote:
Fri Mar 04, 2022 7:33 pm
Some criticisms: I think the opening of this part is written in a confusing way where the perspective isn't entirely clear; at first I wasn't sure whether or not Patrik was one of the two twenty-somethings. Also, since you've so far written this from a limited third-person perspective where we get insight into what the characters are thinking, I think it's jarring that it seems to switch to an outside narrator in order to describe Patrik's appearance (especially "maybe fifty or so", since he should know his own age).
Thank you for the criticisms here, they are highly appreciated. That definitely does feel inconsistent and read strangely. I need to carefully review my perspectives while I do an edit pass of my raw writing going forward. There's a fair amount of it, so more of this is definitely on the way.
Siggdalos wrote:
Fri Mar 04, 2022 7:33 pm
Also, I feel that the prose can get on the wordy and overdescriptive side of things, especially in Oskar's POV where the language can feel too advanced compared to how a 13-year-old would describe things, and at times it takes me out of the story somewhat. That's mostly personal preference, though, and of course you should write in whichever way you prefer.
Ah, that's a really interesting insight. I do tend to write the prose simply as I think, with the character's thoughts described, save for any italicized areas where the character is specifically thinking those words to themselves. But I really like the idea of tailoring the prose more to the POV character since it often contains their inner mindset and intentions. I can see that really helping me to stay in character with them.

I'm quite new to keeping a single POV for an entire "chapter", but I think I like it, and it seems appropriate for LTROI fanfiction. In previous writing I've jumped around between viewpoints paragraph by paragraph which is, as you mentioned, probably pretty jarring and confusing at times (especially when not written well :) )
Siggdalos wrote:
Fri Mar 04, 2022 7:33 pm
Hmm...
No relation to your Emma, of course! But please do think of the name usage as an homage of some kind. It's difficult to describe to you just how much I enjoyed reading your "Lights / A Yule Tale", but I was thoroughly enchanted by it. In fact, I need to go re-read it now.

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Siggdalos
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Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Siggdalos » Sun Mar 06, 2022 12:49 pm

Galen wrote:
Sun Mar 06, 2022 7:51 am
No relation to your Emma, of course! But please do think of the name usage as an homage of some kind. It's difficult to describe to you just how much I enjoyed reading your "Lights / A Yule Tale", but I was thoroughly enchanted by it. In fact, I need to go re-read it now.
Well, consider me thoroughly flattered. I don't think I ever expected to write anything that would inspire others to the point of wanting to pay homage to it. :oops:
De höll om varandra i tystnad. Oskar blundade och visste: detta var det största. Ljuset från lyktan i portvalvet trängde svagt in genom hans slutna ögonlock, la en hinna av rött för hans ögon. Det största.

Galen
Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Dec 05, 2021 8:18 pm

Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Galen » Mon Mar 07, 2022 7:46 am

---

What’s taking him so long?

Emma had prepared what she could of the snacks beforeing sitting in front of the TV, the wine bottle already open. She’d expected him back ten minutes ago, if only because it seemed like it always took the exact same amount of time, and this was their Friday night tradition they’d been doing for a good ten years now. She glanced toward the bottle, then to the two long stemmed glasses, and decided to partake. Patrik wouldn’t mind, she figured, she always drank a glass more than him anyways.

She’d just finished pouring when she heard the knock on the door. Odd, she figured, even concerning. What if the police were coming to tell her something had happened to him. She couldn’t understand why she was so nervous about Patrik’s well being all of a sudden, but she was. Then she heard his voice.

“Emma, could you open the door -- and get a couple of towels.”

She could just barely make out the words from where she was. She furrowed her brow, her first inkling to dig into the man for barking an order at her, but something about the way Patrik spoke prodded at the concern she held.

In less than a minute, she was at the door with a dish towel in hand, opening the door to the sight of her long term partner and two soaked through youths, looking a bit like lost stray dogs; that would have been a better surprise for her. She didn’t particularly like kids, or complications.

“Helloo.” Emma looked between the two, one dressed far warmer than the other, but shivering uncontrollably, and the other: the smaller of the two, the girl, wearing far too little clothing for the time of year. She looked almost frozen solid, and yet she didn’t shiver in the slightest.

“Patrik.” He was mad to bring these kids to their flat, whatever the reason was, or at least that was what came across in her tone of voice.

“Emma.” He looked back at her with widened eyes, jutting his head forward, then looking down at the two children in front of him, and then back to her, as if he was saying of course he had to.

She looked back to the two kids and saw just how pathetic they looked. Her brow furrowed, she sighed, and immediately her demeanor changed. They needed help, she could see that. She looked down to the two hand towels she’d brought -- that clearly wasn’t what Patrik had meant -- then back to the two kids.

“Alright, come in, come in, you both, hurry up. You two look awful, what happened?” She reached out and grabbed the both of them, one hand on each shoulder as she ushered them inside.

The girl immediately kicked her leather loafers off anyways the moment they’d entered, and stopped, crouched down, and began helping the boy with his, Emma watched noting the boy looked like he could barely move.

What was he thinking?

“You bring them to a hospital, Patrik, why did you bring them here?" She shook her head, at least an ambulance could come get them she supposed, "I’ll call--”

“No, no. Please!” The girl shot up to her feet.

The woman’s eyes widened, looking at the girl who’d protested; she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“He just needs to lie down, maybe some water.”

Emma wasn’t buying it; that wasn’t a good enough solution, and it showed in sour look on her face.

“They’re just hungry, and cold, and don’t want to go home.” Patrik chimed in, backing up the young girl, “I don’t think they’re hurt, but, let’s get them warm and then we can figure out if they need to go to the hospital.”

Emma found her mouth ajar, not believing she was hearing these words come out of Patrik’s mouth.

“We’re fine, really. We can’t stay if you’re going to call the police or an ambulance. And we don’t need your food.” The girl crouched again, going for her shoes.

Emma sighed and looked at the two. Just the fact that the girl was about to jump out into the cold again with this poor boy, and turn down food, made her stomach sink.

“Alright, alright, I get it. Just stay. But he doesn’t look well. We can’t ignore this, alright? He should be looked at by a doctor.” How did one help two young people who didn’t want to be helped? On one hand, she could force the girl to let them take her friend, she couldn’t force this poor boy to die in their home just because she didn’t want to get him in trouble.

“I already told him, I know what’s wrong -- he ate something he shouldn’t have. And he just needs rest, this happens sometimes. Please, I know him better than you.” The girl hesitated, but eventually finished removing the boy’s shoes. Suddenly, Emma noticed the blonde boy staring at her, smiling, eyes bright and lucid; it caught her by surprise.

“It’s alright, I’m feeling much better now.”

Emma squinted; the boy looked a little like he was going to be sick to his stomach, but not on death’s door. She reached out and placed the back of her hand on his forehead, and then the girl’s after looking suitably horrified.

“You’re freezing cold, the both of you. I’ll get those towels, and something for you to eat. Patrik, can you get them a blanket or two?”

“Of course.” Patrik looked pleased he had something to do, and hurried off with his bag, revealing the children’s trunk left in the hallway to Emma.

“Just.” The girl’s voice caught Emma’s attention, pulling it away from the trunk, “Just some hot water?”

“Hot water?” Emma looked utterly confused by the request. Not hot chocolate or something a bit more comforting? “I’ll get you a few things, and you can just eat whatever you like.”

“I’m really...” The young boy placed a hand on his stomach, “I’m really not hungry.” Emma saw him snap his head straight to his young friend at his side, eyes wide, “I’m not hungry.” He sounded as though he was completely baffled by this revelation, or perhaps, elated? He was smiling after all.

The young girl smiled back at him, and they locked eyes. Slowly they moved closer together until their foreheads were touching.

Emma looked on, a bit uncertain, a bit amused. Cute, but odd.

“Alright, you two can stay on the couch. I’ll get those towels, and when Patrik gets you that blanket, get out of those wet clothes. We don’t have anything for you, but I can dry them at least. We don’t need you catching pneumonia if you’re not going to let us bring you to a hospital.”

“We have clothes.” The girl moved through the door to get the trunk that Patrik had left.

Emma felt her stomach drop again as she watched the young boy pick up the other end, watching how the two carried in what must have been all their belongings, or at least all they’d managed to bring between the two of them when they clearly had run away from home.

“Please don’t call anyone, please.” It was the boy asking this time, no begging, as he looked over his shoulder at her.

“No.” She wasn’t going to chastise them, nor Patrik; he’d made the right choice, she thought to herself. Emma wasn’t sure what to do, but instead of figuring it all out now, she wanted to concentrate on giving these two children a bit of comfort.

“The bathroom is this door right here.” She called back while the two of them as she headed inside to get a couple of bath towels, emerging immediately afterwards and into the living room.

“I’ll be back to get your clothes in a bit.” She scooped up the wine glass and bottle protectively after handing each of them a towel, and heading into the kitchen where she started making a plate of snacks for the two kids.

“What do you think we should do?” Patrik’s sudden appearance startled her. She took in a breath and turned about, facing her long term boyfriend. Looking over his shoulder, toward the living area which she couldn’t exactly see, she regained eye contact with Patrik.

“I don’t know... they look... they just look so pitiful. But being homeless can’t be better than social services, right?”

“I don’t know. But this isn’t something they should have to go through.”

“I know, but it’s not like we can adopt them.” This was all too much, and there went their Friday night. “I don’t know if I want to even think about it until morning.”

“I wonder if they’ll talk to us at all. They’re afraid of the police, they said.” Patrik’s concern was unusual to Emma, she hadn’t seen this sort of compassion from him in all the years they’d been together. He continued speaking to her, but she found herself having a hard time concentrating on his words. “Maybe they did something bad, maybe the police bring them right back to wherever they’re being abused.”

That word brought her back. Of course, they had to be being abused. Nothing else made sense.

The beat of silence between her and her boyfriend, brought on by their indecision, led to hearing the two children speaking to each other.

Emma was curious, surely Patrik would be, too. She tapped him on the shoulder, nodded her head to the side, and they both crept over closer, hiding behind the wall to remain out of sight. Maybe they could learn something about these two.

---

Galen
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Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Galen » Thu Mar 10, 2022 8:02 am

-----

Eli sat on this mustardy-brown fabric couch, legs crossed, kicking idly while watching Oskar, smiling serenely while occasionally glancing at the various knicknacks in the flat. These two very kind people had reached out with a helping hand in their time of need, and Eli felt nothing about them, only about Oskar.

He was preoccupied with the cut on his hand. He’d removed the bandage, and it had very clearly stopped bleeding. Eli’s had healed completely. It was a reminder that there may be difficult times ahead, but it was so pleasing to see him not in pain any longer.

Patrik had already been back to give them their blankets. Eli couldn’t, no, wouldn’t, muster up a single word to the older man, but watched with awe when Oskar had managed to thank him in a chipper voice. It was what had brought the smile to Eli’s face in the first place.

Oskar spoke for the first time since then, and Eli perked up, eyes wide to listen.

“You know, I was hungry, and then my stomach hurt. A lot. I couldn’t see straight. It hurt so much, I was freezing, but hot. So hot.” He looked like he was trying to recall the moments since getting off the train with some difficulty, holding tightly on his hand and wrist. Eli just listened, interested, quiet.

“And then, now, I’m just not hungry, and it doesn’t hurt -- my stomach.” Oskar stood up and undressed down to his underwear.

“Osk--” Eli stopped before his name slipped out, then jumped up to follow suit, “Really?” It was hope in those words.

“Yeah.” Once undressed, Oskar unlatched and opened the trunk, rummaging through it. He stood back up with a sigh, no clothing in hand.

“I think... Do you think this -- that this is it? Am I... already?”

It was obvious what he was saying, but he couldn’t, it seemed. Eli understood, and tried to help.

“I don’t know, it’s been so long. I can’t remember what that part was like... not really.” There was an odd sort of pain, a sick feeling welling up inside, and Eli didn’t want to address it, didn’t want to think about this.

“I mean, I think I can feel it. I felt awful, and now, I feel... I feel.” Oskar furrowed his brow, looking confused again. “Good. Weird, like, sick to my stomach, but still good.”

“Let me feel your heartbeat.” Reaching up, Eli pressed two fingers to Oskar’s neck. They stayed there for a second, then a few more, then pressed in probably firmer than Oskar would have liked, for longer than was comfortable.

He squirmed under Eli’s touch, then shivered when that hand moved down to his chest.

After another couple of seconds, Eli was sure. At the very least, it was starting, there was no doubt about that now.

“Yes.” Eli fixed him with a profound looking stare, trying to make sure he understood what this meant.

After a moment, there was no way to control a smile creeping onto Eli’s face, no it was a grin. Some sort of deep desire was being satisfied. But, as exciting as this was, a sudden sense of dread came over Eli when Oskar’s happiness had been replaced, quite obviously, by anxiety.

Immediately, Eli was disgusted with himself. What had he done? He took a step back, bumped against the couch.

“I’m sorry.” It was probably the worst thing to say, he thought, but Eli couldn’t help it. There was no turning back for Oskar now, no way to undo this; he was infected; there was no cure. They’d barely discussed it.

On the train, Eli had tapped out ‘F.O.R.E.V.E.R.’, Oskar had replied with the same. At the station, on their trunk, Eli had taken his knife and done it first. The more he thought about it, the more he was afraid he’d pressured Oskar too quickly. They could have waited, years even; no longer.

“I’m sorry.” Eli repeated, frightened that the change coming to Oskar was going to be too much for him at any moment, especially when the realization hit him. But it didn’t come.

Oskar looked surprised, concerned, leaning forward, and Eli moved away instinctively, looked away from him, and lost balance, sitting down on the couch.

“No. No, I’m happy. Really.” He was pleading.

Eli was having a hard time looking at him, having a hard time believing him; there was no way he could know. The only thing to shake him out of this was when he felt his shoulders grabbed, and reluctantly looked back to find those blue eyes staring back.

“I’m happy.” Oskar stated again, a broad smile on his lips.

Eli was lost in those blue eyes, sucking on his own lips as he felt a sense of joy wash over him. That look from Oskar, that smile, made Eli forget everything; the regret, the guilt. Maybe he had been selfish, but Oskar was happy, and that made him... giddy.

Suddenly he broke free of Oskar’s hands and snatched up one of the two blankets the older gentleman had brought them and jumped to one side. That got a look from Oskar, his mouth open in surprise, and Eli shot him a toothy grin in response.

Without warning, Eli jumped at Oskar, who tried, but failed, to catch this very lightweight, pale, bare body in his arms. Frail looking arms and legs wrapped tightly around Oskar as Eli latched onto him and tackled him into the side of the couch before sliding onto the floor. They both burst into laughter as their fingers dug into each other's ribs. Oskar struggled to get up, Eli fought to hold him down.

It was a release of the tension that had built up over the last day. The uncertainty of the train ride, the events from the pool still firmly in their thoughts, the anticipation of their blood pact, the uncertainty if it had worked once they’d been interrupted, Oskar’s sudden pain, and the difficulty of finding a place to stay.

Nothing had been as easy as they had hoped. But now, finally, it seemed they had a moment to relax, just the two of them, only not. Eli felt his stomach jump up into his throat, and not from an aggressive tickling. Looking at Oskar with wide eyes, it took a moment for the other one to catch on, but he did, and looked similarly frightened. They weren’t alone.

Eli spun to look over his shoulder, toward the kitchen, but saw no one.

How easy it was to get lost in Oskar and forget the outside world, even more so now that they shared this connection. Eli got off of him, stood up, and wrapped up in a blanket. While crawling up onto the couch, Oskar did the same, and in a moment both of them were side by side, huddling under their respective blankets with only their heads sticking out.

Maybe they hadn’t been noticed, neither one had came out, no one said anything. Eli wondered why he cared, what would it be to them? No, they shouldn’t care, and Eli wasn’t going to let this bit of privacy go to waste; he ducked underneath the blankets and taunted Oskar with a grab to his midsection, and a hiss originating deep in the throat.

Oskar appeared underneath the blanket soon after, hissing back convincingly. First one snickered, then the other in response, and before long the two were completely intertwined beneath the blankets, their arms around one another. No more hissing, no more laughing, just a quiet understanding as they held onto each other. Eli could stay like this for hours.

---

Galen
Posts: 37
Joined: Sun Dec 05, 2021 8:18 pm

Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Galen » Sat Mar 12, 2022 6:30 am

So, I'm realizing as I go through and reread what I wrote (in a haze of sleep deprivation), that this all got quite long-winded and expository everywhere. This isn't so much a novel-like narrative as it is a serial slice of life after the fact, jumping around between people's perspectives a lot, going into too much detail, not going anywhere quickly. Basically, this scene drags on for a while, be warned. I was thinking about editing it down to make a concise narrative, but, meh, I wrote it, so it's going up here :P


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Around the corner into the kitchen, Patrik had averted his eyes around the time the dark haired girl had removed her clothing and went to get something to eat. Emma, however, remained watching, eyes glued to the scene, dumbfounded by how the two children behaved around each other. It was a bit too intimate for kids this young, but at the same time, she recognized she knew nothing about kids. If only she could hear them.
The whispered voice of her boyfriend suddenly in her ear drew her eyes away from the kids.

“I can’t imagine what these two have been through.”

Emma retreated and spoke the same thing to her boyfriend, “Do you really think they were both abused?”

Patrik pulled back and nodded. Emma sighed as the two’s boisterous voices finally sounded playful -- like children should.

Emma shooed Patrik away, and he promptly took a bottle of wine and a plate of food and tiptoed to their bedroom; she knew he’d be happy to leave this to her. She’d let them have their fun, be kids for a bit, and then bring out a plate of food for them to share, and a cup of -- hot water did they say? No, she had some tea lying around somewhere.

As soon as they quieted down, she did so.

“I know you said you aren’t hungry, but this is really just extra food we have lying around. Please don’t feel like you have to eat it. And here’s something to keep you warm.” She held two mugs in one hand, carefully setting the plate down on the coffee table before offering up the drinks.

They looked far happier, and warmer for that matter. She found it nice to see the both of them with smiles on their faces, and they even thanked her for the food and drink. Maybe this wasn’t so bad, maybe she and Patrik didn’t need to call anyone right away; they were doing something good here, she could sense it.

The blonde boy gave the dark haired girl a look before she nodded back to him and took a sip first, then he followed suit.

Emma uprighted herself and took a step back.

“I... I don’t mean to pry -- but -- where are you going?”

The two looked at each other, and Emma immediately regretted asking. The happiness they’d been sharing washed away into uncertainty.

“Don’t get me wrong, you two can stay here tonight, and tomorrow, if you want.” She almost winced -- what was she accidentally going to commit to offering them, “Maybe a bit more, but, you must be going somewhere, where are you going to live? If you’re not going back home, then where?”

The boy bit his lower lip and looked between the trunk and the girl. The dark haired girl also seemed to stare at the trunk, not wanting to make eye contact with her.

“We don’t know yet. We just want to get far away from here.” The girl spoke for the boy -- and from the look of it, Emma felt like she often did.

“But how are you going to live? Not everyone will give you a place to stay.” Genuine concern showed through in her voice. They couldn’t stay with her and Patrik forever.

“We’ll need some help.” The girl turned toward the boy. It looked like she placed a hand on his leg under the blankets, “But I’ve managed in the past, we’ll figure something out.” It was clear she was not only talking from experience, but that she was reassuring her friend.

Emma sighed; so the girl was the more experienced of the two, having run away from home before maybe. Been homeless, destitute, and otherwise tossed away by society, and at such a young age. It was terrible, Emma knew her idea of help and the girl’s was not the same. At least she was starting to open up.

“We’ll see what we can do to help you... that won’t involve calling anyone. Just let me know if you two need anything. I’m sorry the place isn’t larger, but you can stay here, in the living room, all night, we won’t bother you two.”

Emma debated offering up reassurance that she and Patrik would give them plenty of privacy in here; they both clearly wanted some, but she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it -- it didn’t feel like her place to even bring up the subject of their intimacy.

The boy blurted out a “Thank you!” and a goofy smile that seemed so out of place, different than he had been. It almost made her laugh. She smiled, nodded her head, and said a farewell.

“Help yourselves to anything in the kitchen.”

As Emma left the room, she suddenly felt sad that she and Patrik decided to not have children. Looking over her shoulder before entering the bedroom, she saw the two cuddle up on the couch, close together, ignoring the plate of food entirely, and felt her heart sink.

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metoo
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Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by metoo » Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:58 am

Galen wrote:
Sat Mar 12, 2022 6:30 am
[...]
Around the corner into the kitchen, Patrik had averted his eyes around the time the dark haired girl had removed her clothing and went to get something to eat. Emma, however, remained watching, eyes glued to the scene, dumbfounded by how the two children behaved around each other. It was a bit too intimate for kids this young, but at the same time, she recognized she knew nothing about kids. If only she could hear them.
[...]
Emma debated offering up reassurance that she and Patrik would give them plenty of privacy in here; they both clearly wanted some, but she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it -- it didn’t feel like her place to even bring up the subject of their intimacy.
[...]
This reminds me of a fan fiction by intrige and the long discussion on this forum that followed.
http://let-the-right-one-in.com/fancont ... oms-coming
viewtopic.php?f=12&t=3337
But from the beginning Eli was just Eli. Nothing. Anything. And he is still a mystery to me. John Ajvide Lindqvist

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Siggdalos
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Location: Sweden

Re: Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

Post by Siggdalos » Sun Mar 13, 2022 11:33 pm

Galen wrote:
Sat Mar 12, 2022 6:30 am
This isn't so much a novel-like narrative as it is a serial slice of life after the fact, jumping around between people's perspectives a lot, going into too much detail, not going anywhere quickly. Basically, this scene drags on for a while, be warned.
I've noticed myself gravitating toward a similar kind of slower, character-focused writing in my own WIP stuff, so I, for one, don't mind this.
Galen wrote:
Sat Mar 12, 2022 6:30 am
“We’ll need some help.” The girl turned toward the boy. It looked like she placed a hand on his leg under the blankets, “But I’ve managed in the past, we’ll figure something out.”
Interesting.
Personally I like to assume that in a post-LTODD scenario, O&E would be strong enough together that they could get by without ever needing any helpers (it's more romantic that way!). Granted, Eli only needed helpers in the short periods after waking up from his long rests and was (presumably) on his own most of the rest of the time, so the Barcelona photograph showing O&E on their own may not mean much in that regard. And of course, that's only considering their situation decades later when Oskar has had time to get used to his new life. :think:
This is all assuming the line means what I think it means, anyway.
metoo wrote:
Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:58 am
This reminds me of a fan fiction by intrige and the long discussion on this forum that followed.
http://let-the-right-one-in.com/fancont ... oms-coming
viewtopic.php?f=12&t=3337
A lot of intriguing (heh) ideas brought up in that thread. Off-topic, but this one caught my fancy:
God of Vampires wrote:
Tue Apr 12, 2011 2:10 pm
Let for a second assume Håkan weren't dead and Oskar's mom called telling him that Eli was found naked in Oskar's bed and ask if she has permission for a sleepover. What would be his reaction?
An interaction between Oskar's mother and Håkan... hm.
Into the Future Fanfic Idea Bank it goes!
De höll om varandra i tystnad. Oskar blundade och visste: detta var det största. Ljuset från lyktan i portvalvet trängde svagt in genom hans slutna ögonlock, la en hinna av rött för hans ögon. Det största.

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