Circus Freak

[Siggdalos]

A quickie, inspired by two things. The first is the "Saturday 7 November (Night)" chapter of the novel when Eli tells Oskar "I'm not some freak from the circus", the second is some (very surface-level) reading I've been doing about the freak shows that were popular in the 1800s.

******

"Wait a sec." Oskar let go of Eli's hand and went up to the bulletin board for a closer look at the poster that had caught his attention. A realistic drawing of a clown's face on a bright yellow background met his gaze with a grin that was just slightly too wide. Below the clown's chin was text with information about a circus that was going to be in town the next month.
"Acrobatics, magics, and musics", he read. "They'd probably be impressed if we showed off the acrobatics we can do, don't you think?" He turned around and looked at Eli, who did not reciprocate his smile. "Don't you want to go?"
"No."
"Okay." He glanced at the poster again. "The tickets aren't that expensive, though. We'd easily afford it. And a couple of the shows are pretty late in the evening."
"I don't want to go."
"Okay. Sorry." He closed the distance to Eli and took his hand again.
They continued walking in silence until Eli broke it. "I don't like circuses."
"I see."
"Do you?"
"Dunno. I've never been to any. That was kinda why I wanted to go. To see what it's like. Have you been to any?"
"Yes. Or... no, not really. It was a long time ago."
"How long?"
"I don't really remember. More than... a hundred years, I think."
"Oh."
"Yes."
"What was it like?"
Eli didn't reply. He looked straight ahead with that furrow between his eyebrows that sometimes showed up when he was thinking of an unpleasant memory.
"...Do you not want to tell me?"

***

Eli read the text on the sign, which promised visitors astounding and frightening things. He looked at the groups of people moving toward the entrance of the large circular tent and felt his curiosity grow, wondered if whatever was in there would indeed manage to frighten him. He threw another glance at the sign before fishing some money out of his pocket and joining the ticket line. He wasn't the only child there, but most looked to be older than him and he avoided meeting their gazes. When it was his turn in the line, the ticket vendor raised his narrow eyebrows and said something that Eli didn't understand. He replied with a mumbling that could mean anything and handed over the notes. The man with the narrow eyebrows shrugged, accepted the money, and gave him a ticket.
It was full of people inside. Warm bodies—muscles, sinews, hair, skin, blood—crowded against each other in their quest for the best seats. Since he was small and skinny, he managed to push his way to the front row.
The show did actually frighten him. A man with a loud voice and tall hat presented one number after the other. Short people. Tall people. People who could lift incredibly heavy things. People with strange arms or legs or faces. A person covered in coarse hair from top to toe. Eli heard the people around him talking to each other with frightened or fascinated voices, a murmur that pressed in around him from all directions like physical walls.
The stench of their sweat filled his nostrils, but also the scents of the freaks performing in the circle. Several times, Eli leaned forward and inhaled through his nose. They smelled just like humans. Each one smelled different, but they never smelled of animal or monster, just human. They looked like nightmarish creatures, but they were humans. He looked at the faces of the humans surrounding him in the audience, their faces twisted in fear or delight, their wide and... wild eyes. He looked down at his hands. The slender fingers. The dirty nails that could be replaced by claws when he put his mind to it.
If they found out what I am, what I can do, they'd lock me in here and display me like a freak worse than all the others.
Nausea welled up inside him. He turned away from the show and fled toward the exit. He ignored people's irritated voices when he pushed past them. His only thought was that he had to get out, away from the sweat and the noise, out to the silence and the cool air, away from those who would make him a part of their menageries if they got the chance. He ran past the man with the narrow eyebrows, past clusters of people, away, away from everything, until he could no longer hear the sounds of the circus or notice its scents. Night surrounded him and he was alone again. He looked down at his hands. The slender fingers. The dirty nails. Ordinary human hands.
A thought echoed in his head, over and over again: They're not freaks. And neither am I.

***

"No", Eli replied after almost a minute of silence.
Oskar settled on replying with a nod.
They walked past another poster, this one taped to the side of a streetlight. Eli stopped and looked at the clown for a long while. A car drove past on the road beside them. Oskar waited. Eli's eyes moved back and forth over the text on the poster. Then he decided on something.
"It doesn't matter, anyway. It was long ago. And it was... the world was different back then."
"Yes."
Eli looked at Oskar, back at the clown, at Oskar again, and then said: "We can go to that circus if you want."
Oskar blinked. Then he brightened. "Really?"
"Yes. It... sounds like it could be fun."

[gkmoberg1]

Cool. Eli's experience as a lonely 12-yr old taking in a circus on his own would be frightening. His revolution is understandable. As well his reluctant but eventual turn of heart of being willing to try it again. He's had a _long_ time to digest it, has seen and become accustomed to far worse, and will have the best friend of this life right with him.

Meanwhile, I don't think Oskar's first-time experience will be much like Eli's. He's grown up in the era of television, noise and 20th century urban environments. These are a far cry from the largely agrarian 1880s, whether in Sweden or nearby.

Thanks for this little story!

[Jameron]

Nice story