Thursday Evening (Fanfic)

[Galen]

---



It was done. Their new lives together had truly started.

Yet another thing hadn’t gone the way it was supposed to this evening. It hadn’t been Eli’s intention to kill their new hosts, but now, seeing Oskar like this, he thought it was for the best.

Watching Oskar hungrily drink his first meal in this new body of his gave Eli an odd sense of exhilaration. Quicker breaths, wide eyes, and completely unable to look away. There was no desire to compete or join in, just a sense of relief and joy, seeing Oskar as strong as he was now.

It was only when he noticed that Oskar had been scratched rather deeply in the face that he looked at his own hand: bit almost through to the bone in some areas, but he wasn’t worried -- the both of them would heal fast. Eli had registered the pain, but fought through it silently; Oskar, on the other hand, seemed as though he hadn’t even noticed being attacked. That meant the infection was what was in control, not him, but it would do for now; a starting point for Oskar, Eli figured.

The sound of the mattress springs creaking from the bedroom snapped Eli out of the daze; what needed to happen next was obvious. With Oskar still utterly entrenched in the act of satiating himself, Eli decided to leave him right where he was.

He sprinted down the hall to the bedroom with no discernable sound, as though his feet didn’t even touch the ground, and felt a wave of strength and adrenaline course through him.

He grabbed the handle and flung the door to the bedroom inwards, hitting the older man in the side of the head, bringing out a shout of surprise and causing a stumble, and then a loud thud.

Patrik had been caught with one pant leg on, standing right beside the door, getting ready to come out and see what the commotion was about when the door hit him.

“Fuck! Hey! What’s the -- what are you doing?!”

Eli locked eyes with him for a moment, the man looked confused and upset, one arm in the air, the other nursing his head. But Eli didn’t see a man, he saw only the danger posed to Oskar and himself. For as nice as this one was, there would be no way he could accept what had happened to his partner. Eli felt a sense of fear well up within his chest, fear for Oskar’s well being.

Being on his rear end, Patrik was completely helpless. He was lept upon suddenly, shouting again, and quickly silenced.

Eli scrambled over the man’s shoulders, onto his back, wrapping him with arms and legs around his midsection and neck, squeezing with an immense amount of strength and might for those twig-like limbs.

Patrik threw himself backwards as he was choked, hitting the back of Eli’s head hard into the leg of a wooden dresser.

Eli saw stars, and his grip loosened around Patrik. The man coughed and got to his feet as Eli stared upward at the spinning ceiling.

Patrik staggered forward, and before he even had a chance to turn around, Eli had managed to get up, fueled by the need to control the situation, and leapt onto the man’s back. Arms and legs once again found their mark, and this time Eli bit into the side of the man’s neck. A few grunts later and he dropped to one knee as Eli brought him down like a lioness on a hunt.

Biting and choking the man at the same time to keep him quiet, mouth pressed tightly to the side of Patrik’s neck, he gorged on more of the precious liquid. Eli’s body tugged backward, while his head remained attached. One more time, he tried to free himself, and finally, with an audible, revolting pop, Eli’s mouth came free from the man’s neck and he took a deep, gasping breath.

This was the second time this evening he had stopped himself, and it never got any easier, regardless of how much he’d had.

The moment his mouth came free, blood sprung outwards, and immediately Eli clamped his hand down on the man’s neck. He looked around the area and grabbed a nearby, discarded shirt from the bedroom floor, and wrapped it tightly around the man’s neck to hold the wound shut.

Patrik was unconscious thanks to the lack of blood flow to his brain, both the initial bleeding and now the compression of the artery.

Eli waited a moment longer, still applying pressure, and made sure that he was still breathing, if a bit restricted from the makeshift bandage. He wasn’t dead yet, but no doubt would be soon without immediate medical intervention.

First thing into the hallway from the bedroom was the back of the young, dark haired child, as Eli dragged the limp body of their friendly host with both hands, backpedaling down the hall. The bleeding had mostly been controlled, but that didn’t stop a smear of blood from being left, originating the bedroom all the way out to the living room, as Eli brought Patrik right next to his girlfriend’s body.

With a hand back on the soaked shirt over the man’s neck, Eli looked to Oskar, checking in on him in what must have been a confusing time.

Oskar had already removed himself from Emma’s neck; he was sitting there beside her, his feet criss-crossed and his arms wrapped around his knees, his head buried between them.

Eli felt a flutter in his stomach, a sense of dread. Oskar was sobbing, and while it may have been expected, Eli was both terrified and saddened by how hard it was on Oskar.

He looked down at the woman’s body and realized there was no time to linger. Eli swung a leg over the woman’s chest and wrapped both arms around the head before pulling with a great deal of force. His legs provided the leverage needed as he twisted and twisted at her neck. One small crack, then two, before a loud, stomach turning snapping sound announced the finality to it all.

Now Oskar was the most important thing to see to. He hadn’t even looked up from his knees from the sound; it was worrying.

Slowly, quietly, Eli crawled over the bodies until he sat directly behind Oskar. He sought to give him comfort in a familiar position, snaking both of his arms underneath Oskar’s, across his chest. Eli pressed his face against Oskar’s bare back, leaving a splotch of blood between his shoulder blades, and whispered.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” His voice was filled with regret.



----

[metoo]

Eli is very strong, when he needs to be, and especially if he’s fully fed. When enraged, he can apparently lift people up into the air and decapitate them. I imagine there are several quick ways Eli could break a neck if he decided to tap into that strength or shape his hand differently.

Yes, but my point is that supernatural strength alone wouldn't do int. If Eli only held onto the victim's head, the torso would turn as well. He would need to apply opposing forces on torso and head for the neck to severe. This would necessitate Eli to be physically quite close to his victim while during this operation. Being a vampire is indeed horrible...

I also tend to believe he was going very easy on Oskar during their emotionally charged wrestling scene, and let Oskar hold his arms down.

I do, too. However, the novel tells us that Eli can control aspects of his body that normal people cannot. For instance, he wills his body to heal after having been shredded by Håkan. The novel also seems to suggest that he can make himself stronger:

Eli koncentrerade allt vad han hade av styrka till sin högerarm, knöt näven. När Håkans axel ryckte till och kroppen gjorde en ansats av att sträcka sig efter Eli igen, fortsätta där de slutat, slog Eli sin högra hand rakt in i vänstra sidan av Håkans bröst.

Eli concentrated all his strength into his right arm, clenched his fist. When Håkan's shoulder jerked and his body made an attempt to reach for Eli again, continuing where they left off, Eli thrust his right hand straight into the left side of Håkan's chest. Translated by Google and me.

This makes me think that while stronger than normal kids of his apparent age most of the time, Eli isn't always super strong. Only when he needs to be. My explanation would be that Eli needs to economise with whatever it is that makes him able to will his body sprout claws, to heal superfast, etc.

I know how hard it can be to pick up and finish writing an old bit of work... but you can’t just post this and not any more of that story. It’s just cruel.

Well, I have lots of similar stuff. I sometimes feel inspired and open one of these files to work on it. Usually I put it away again after a while, not being satisfied with the result.

[Siggdalos]

This makes me think that while stronger than normal kids of his apparent age most of the time, Eli isn't always super strong. Only when he needs to be. My explanation would be that Eli needs to economise with whatever it is that makes him able to will his body sprout claws, to heal superfast, etc.

One of JAL's development notes might be relevant here. Misslyckas igen, misslyckas bättre, pg. 34 (my translation):

March 28, 2001
At some point I also have to explain the nature of Eli's hunger. Eli gets hungrier and hungrier, requires more blood to keep his advanced form of existence going. Eventually Eli is capable of quick, extensive transformations and this also heralds the need for hibernation. The cells' intense activity, his body gets used up if he doesn't rest.

How much of this idea that remains true in the published version of the story is open to discussion, of course.

[metoo]

Hmm, I need to re-read that chapter!

[Galen]

-----

It had been a little bit now, since Eli had come back and apologized, as he tended to, but Oskar couldn’t do anything but sit still.

The whole time, he knew what he was doing, from getting Emma to come out with him, because he knew she cared, to inching closer to her. He hadn’t admitted to himself what he was going to do to her, but it was always there in the back of his mind. What was worse, he didn’t fight the feeling at all, quite the opposite. He was even excited as he got closer to doing it.

He couldn’t remember the moment though, he couldn’t remember Eli coming back either. He only remembered no longer feeling hungry. When he opened his eyes, the kind woman who thought she was looking after them, was lying there, lifeless, or so he thought, his lips and tongue still pressed to her neck.

When he realized what he’d done, he completely freaked out and curled up into the position he was still in. He heard noises while his head was between his legs. Something in the other room -- that man’s voice, thuds, and then a blood curdling snapping sound close to him. Again, he had an idea as to what it was, but he didn’t want to look, to really know, not yet.

“I... It tasted so good. I couldn’t stop.”

It was more than just tasting good. It quite literally fed him in a deeper, more primal way he didn’t have the words to describe; he hadn’t learned them in his twelve, almost thirteen years alive.

He shut his eyes tightly and clenched his jaw, and felt a few more tears escape out of his eyelids.

“I know.”

The voice came from right behind him, a whisper, and then he felt Eli’s head against his back. Two small hands rubbed Oskar’s chest, holding him close. The safety he felt in Eli’s arms just let even more come out, his chest shuddering as he tried to breath, and snot ran down his nose.

“She was like my mother.” A sound welled up slowly from his chest, as he whined out the realization, “She could have been my mother, oh god.” His words drew out long and faded into silent crying.

“You didn’t know her.” Eli whispered into his back.

Oskar gritted his teeth together and his body trembled as he flexed all of his muscles. He suddenly felt furious.

“Would I do this to my own mother?”

“No, you didn’t know her. I would never do it to you, no matter what, never in a million years.” Eli whispered to him, he sounded just like he’d always remembered. A quiet voice of reassurance, as though he knew everything. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t.

“But I might.” Oskar knew full well what he was now, but not who he was, not anymore after that. Eli was Eli, but what was he? What if he was a vampire, as Eli had insisted he was not. What if he would kill anyone for any reason now, even his own mother. That was what he was afraid of.

“I should have been here.” Eli squeezed him tightly.

Oskar rested his head against his knees a bit more. He’d stopped crying at least, but he felt exhausted.

Their closeness was interrupted by Patrik’s grunting and sputtering, starting to regain consciousness on the floor not far from them.

Oskar’s heart jumped, and suddenly there was a cold void on his back, and he wanted Eli right back there. He pulled his head from his knees and saw Eli crouching over the man, slender limbs carefully keeping up that ever so thin body. More terrifying than the position Eli was in was his face, and the look in his eyes, cold and calculating, not at all caring about the person below him.

The two bodies had been placed next to each other, like the two of them were the crazed serial killers he used to fantasize over. It was disgusting seeing a dead body in real life, and then a dying one right beside it. Blood was everywhere, the floor, both bodies, Eli; Oskar looked down and saw he, too, was completely smeared in blood.

Oskar opened his mouth. He wanted to ask if they could save Patrik somehow, but he just froze, sad because he wanted to save Emma, not Patrik, and it was too late.

“Are you still hungry?”

“What?” Oskar’s fists clenched tightly, his nails digging into his palms. “Oh god.”

Did Eli really just ask him that? He felt sick. Oskar placed his hands on his cheeks, which burned slightly when his fingers hit the open wounds.

The man was just starting to come to his senses, grunting, moaning, but was lying there dying, or about to die at the very least, thanks to Eli. He had to take responsibility, too, though. If he hadn’t attacked Emma, maybe Patrik could have lived.

“You don’t have to, but you should have a little more if you can.”

Eli was asking if Oskar wanted more to eat, like Patrik was just a meal, and not a person.

“How can you say that?!” Oskar shook his head rapidly and turned away. “We should help... we shouldn’t just...” Oskar didn’t want to be a killer, not really. They needed blood to live now, yes. They needed to kill sometimes, yes. But not everyone.

He could still see the man out of the corner of his eye. It was as though he couldn’t fully look away.

The man’s breathing quickened and his eyes opened wide as he truly came to, he was hyperventilating, and that caused Eli to take the initiative.

Off of Patrik’s neck came the shirt, soaked through with blood, and onto his neck went Eli, on the opposite side from the wound, while a hand went over the man’s mouth, stifling the man’s poor attempt at a scream.

Oskar was terrified as he saw Eli feed up close, and in a sense, saw what he must have looked like. It was closer to an animal than a person, everything seemed different, more terrifying knowing what he was.

The wound on the man’s neck leaked onto the floor slowly. The shirt had helped, but did not completely stop the bleeding.

Oskar couldn’t look away. He could smell it, taste it, even from this distance. He couldn’t help it, he dove down and latched onto that leaking wound, his tongue lapping at the blood flow as he sucked.

They fed side by side for a few moments before Eli forcibly separated from Patrik’s neck with a gasp, and slid back and away on his behind.

* * *

[metoo]

Well written.

I think Oskar's reaction to his first "meal" as a vampire is crucial, and an important event to write about.

I have tried this a couple of times myself, and I like to think that Oskar's reaction would be very ambivalent and confused, as it is here.

Still, he needs to learn to cope with it, or he will perish.

I imagine Eli giving this advice to Oskar more than once during their first year or so:
"Don't think about them. You mustn't think about them."

[Galen]

Well written.

I think Oskar's reaction to his first "meal" as a vampire is crucial, and an important event to write about.

I have tried this a couple of times myself, and I like to think that Oskar's reaction would be very ambivalent and confused, as it is here.

Still, he needs to learn to cope with it, or he will perish.

I imagine Eli giving this advice to Oskar more than once during their first year or so:
"Don't think about them. You mustn't think about them."

Thanks!

I can see so many different ways for Oskar's first time to play out, and bounced back and forth between several different ways for Oskar to react to what he'd just done, and how Eli handles it, too... honestly I don't feel I captured everything I wanted to with regards to their thoughts and emotions on the matter.

Also, I completely agree on your take there -- especially how Eli begins to see "everyone else" in the world -- as essentially "not us". Maybe he always felt that way, I'm not sure. It's still hard for me to reconcile how often, if at all, Eli feels remorse for the people he kills. However much, I imagine he feels it less and less once being with Oskar. I also tend to think Eli feels more sorry for himself and his situation than for the other people, which one can totally understand, being that he's twelve, and had quite a life. Oskar clearly gives him so much more to live for.

I foresee the two of them being so lost in their own world together in the future (how couldn't they be?), that I have a weird feeling about Stefan and Karin from LTODD, and their endeavor to find them.

[Galen]

*-*-

Breathing slowly, Eli fought off the desire to go back and drink more, regaining control over himself. Blood covered his mouth, down his chin, and the entire front of his shirt, the smell still filling his nose. This had been a night filled with death, something he generally disliked, but he didn’t feel bad this time. He stared at Oskar, still at Patrik’s neck.

Good.

Oskar was going to be full for days; he’d managed a kill. Despite the trouble that would come with the additional deaths, this was far better than Eli could have hoped for.

Eli kept a close eye on Oskar -- both to make sure he was handling this alright, and simply to watch him; it was so hard to look away. The connection he felt with Oskar only grew, and he felt an overwhelming sense of love. There was a time Eli wasn’t sure if this awful existence was worth it, but now Eli knew he would continue to fight through, to live, anything to be with him.

Beside him was the shoulder bag, and he took a moment to go through it before looking back at Oskar.

Eli’s eyes squinted to half moons, smiling broadly at Oskar, just, happy. He unscrewed the cap on a carton of milk. Smeared across the carton were a few brownish red streaks and fingerprints, inside was what would help him to fight off that urge he always felt tugging at him.

Eli began drinking from the liter sized carton that was originally intended for Oskar; he didn’t need it now, and it would only be good for a bit longer.

*-*-*-

Oskar finished, and sat up, panting as he slowly sat back onto his bottom, and looked at the man.

Patrik wasn’t breathing. But that sense of dread and despair over what he’d done to Emma wasn’t there. He wasn’t sure why. Did he just care less about this man, or was he getting used to this already?


Oskar slowly laid down onto his side, holding his stomach. He’d never felt so full, not even after a large holiday meal.

There was a feeling taking over his whole body he didn’t know how to describe; his vision blurred, and he felt physically numb all over, but good. He imagined this must have been what Tommy felt like when he was sniffing glue.

In his field of vision, the dark haired being responsible for all this slowly came into focus.

Blood dribbled from the side of Eli’s lips, dripping from the milk carton. It did not look like someone casually enjoying a drink; Eli’s head was tilted back, eyes glassy looking straight at the ceiling. He could both hear and see the gulps, along with the faint grunts as that aspect of Eli gorged itself yet again. Eli finished and the milk carton dropped to the ground unceremoniously. The grunting stopped. There were a few heavy breaths and sure enough, the more familiar look in Eli’s eyes returned. It was gone, subdued, for now. As was his.

A different look took over Eli’s eyes next; something urgent.

Eli dove atop Patrik and contorted -- one arm pulled back, elongated and more sinewy than before, the hand and fingers grew and out of the tips came long, dagger like glistening black claws, several inches long. There was a sense of rage in Eli’s eyes.

That was all Oskar saw before he shut his eyes tightly. In a second he heard crunching -- bone crunching, the sound of tearing into flesh, then a snap, and along with that, the sound of Patrik’s legs spasming against the floor. He didn’t want to see what had just happened, he didn’t even want to ask why. Oskar just rolled over onto his other side, facing away from the dead bodies beside him.

“Oskar...” Hearing his voice whispered from Eli’s lips made him shiver and clench his teeth.

“Oskar... It’s going to be ok.” Closer that time, the voice was right in front of him, he felt Eli’s breath. He tensed, his heartbeat quickened, but it wasn’t the beast about to come back out -- it was him, the scared boy from Blackeberg.

He felt fingertips caressing his cheek, down to his chin, and he relaxed a little, and opened his eyes to see those familiar ones staring back at him.

That quiet voice of Eli’s whispered assurances to him, but he didn’t know if he believed that yet. He breathed slowly, trying to fend off bad thoughts.

“You’re strong.”

He didn’t feel strong, not mentally anyways. He couldn’t bring himself to talk about what had just happened, not right now. He just lay there, curled up, eyes closed.

“Rest now, if you can. I’ll be here, I promise.”

Oskar nodded, unwilling or unable to move, full, frightened of himself and Eli. He felt a pair of lips press gently against his, and then the familiar taste of blood. They stayed like that for a moment before those lips were replaced by a familiar feeling of Eli’s soft, black hair.

“I’ll always be here.”


----


That's probably going to be the end of this fanfic. I feel if I write something more for them, I'd really like it to involve some levity in their lives after this.

[metoo]

I can see so many different ways for Oskar's first time to play out, and bounced back and forth between several different ways for Oskar to react to what he'd just done, and how Eli handles it, too... honestly I don't feel I captured everything I wanted to with regards to their thoughts and emotions on the matter.

Well, I'm quite familiar with that feeling myself. I can imagine the kind of fan fiction I would like to have written, complex, with many layers contrasting the joy of being alive with the horrors of being a vampire, but so far I haven't yet managed to produce one that I'm fully satisfied with.

I imagine Eli giving this advice to Oskar more than once during their first year or so:
"Don't think about them. You mustn't think about them."

Also, I completely agree on your take there -- especially how Eli begins to see "everyone else" in the world -- as essentially "not us". Maybe he always felt that way, I'm not sure. It's still hard for me to reconcile how often, if at all, Eli feels remorse for the people he kills. However much, I imagine he feels it less and less once being with Oskar. I also tend to think Eli feels more sorry for himself and his situation than for the other people, which one can totally understand, being that he's twelve, and had quite a life. Oskar clearly gives him so much more to live for.

My imagined advice was regarding Eli's and Oskar's victims. Oskar shouldn't think about them, since it just brings guilt and sadness without changing anything.

I do agree that Eli and Oskar would feel apart from the rest of humanity, but directed the other way around, i.e. "we don't belong amongst them" rather than "they are not us". I have written a few sentences about this:

When Oskar took the decision to let Eli infect him he had been aware of what it would entail. He had thought it through, was set to a life in the shadows at the side of society, despised by everybody. Yet he hadn’t been prepared. Of course he knew that he wouldn’t be able to enter everywhere. Yet he hadn’t understood what it would feel like to have a constant reminder that told him: You're not welcome, you’re not allowed to be here. Excerpt from Oskar at 13.

However, the topic of Eli's and Oskar's feelings vis à vis their victims is interesting and crucial.

The movie shows Eli on top of Jocke's corpse looking rather sad. The novel, on the other hand, doesn't show Eli having any deeper emotions vis à vis his victims. He does tell Håkan that he doesn't enjoy killing people: "Do you think I enjoy it?" "I don't know. Do you?" "No." However, he also seems rather indifferent when Oskar brings up the subject: "But you kill people!" "Yes. I kill people. Unfortunately." (The Swedish original says "det är tråkigt", see this posting and the discussion that follows.) However, Eli seems to feel at least some guilt:

Eli put his hand on his heart, felt the slow beats. Maybe it was because he was a child. Maybe that was why he hadn't put an end to it. The pangs of conscience were weaker than his will to live. From the novel.

If O&E is to retain their humanity, they need to feel some guilt and remorse. However, It mustn't be such a heavy load that they succumb under it. This is a very interesting subject, that still can be investigated further in fan fiction. It is also difficult.

I foresee the two of them being so lost in their own world together in the future (how couldn't they be?), that I have a weird feeling about Stefan and Karin from LTODD, and their endeavor to find them.

I'm rather convinced that Stefan and Karin went to Barcelona not only to find Oskar and Eli and the answer the question that had brought them together, but with the hopes of finding a way to avoid Stefan's imminent death and the resulting end of their love. What kind of people would be willing to go that far? I find this question immensely interesting, and I have been trying to write their story again and again. Alas, the results of my efforts have so far not fulfilled what I envisioned...

[Siggdalos]

“I’ll always be here.”

That's good beat to end the story on.

I really like the image of blood in a milk carton. Very JAL-esque.

One thing that slightly nags me is that the introduction of Niklas and Mattias and the description of their friend group seemed to be setting them up to have a bigger role, so I'm left feeling that they're something of a loose thread in this ending.

(The Swedish original says "det är tråkigt", see this posting and the discussion that follows.)

Slightly off-topic, but I'd never realized that Eli hits or pushes Håkan over in that one scene. That definitely changes my view of the relationship between those two, even if only a little.
Every time I think I've managed to form a decent understanding of Eli's character, another unexpected facet shows itself...

What kind of people would be willing to go that far? I find this question immensely interesting, and I have been trying to write their story again and again. Alas, the results of my efforts have so far not fulfilled what I envisioned...

Some day I also want to give S&K some much-deserved fanfic attention, but it definitely feels like a daunting challenge. Especially since LTODD as a story is very near and dear to me and I would want to do them proper justice.
It's mainly because, as you say, I find it very difficult to get into the mindset of two elderly people who voluntarily choose to become serial killers with supernatural powers. Thanks to Eli, we know roughly what being a 12-year-old infection carrier is like, which can serve as a blueprint for Oskar's experience, but a 63- and 79-year-old? Not to mention that, as a pretty young person, I find it tricky to begin with to believably write about normal people who are much older than me, without throwing vampirism into the mix.
Also, and this is maybe just me being silly, I sometimes feel that S&K are almost... too personal to JAL for me to touch, considering that they're so closely modeled off of John and Mia. Oskar is John, too, of course (as are David from Handling the Undead and Anders from Harbour, to lesser extents), but not in the same way.
So far my solution has simply been to not bring them up in my FF at all, even in the stories specifically set years after LTODD, but I want to see about changing that eventually.