Re: Dreams Made Flesh (Part 1 & 2)

Postby JoBerg » Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:20 pm

gkmoberg1 wrote:I have read this again. There is a deep sense of being out-of-place.

Consider
- Our protagonist is out of place, first by being a guest at Karin's place and then also, and surprisingly, second by finding a distance between himself and his own home during his brief return visit.
- Anna is out of place for two reasons - first her being at Karin's place and thus also being a visitor, and then second because her goal is Oskar and to not be at Karin's.
- Even Karin is out of place. And for yet two more reasons. First, she is without Stefan. And second, this is odd, but the unsettling element of the two adults discussing Karin's own mortality and how life -Anna's really- will continue. So even though Karin is present, we find them considering is that her presence is transitory.

Okay, you can say I'm reading too much into this. However the net effect is that at the end of Part Two, the three characters are each out of place from their lives. This couples well with the dual uncertainties the story provides in just the curiosity in wondering how Anna came to be as she is, plus the unresolved and entwined story lines of what has become of Oskar, why Anna and Karin had to leave Barcelona, and perhaps a there's yet a level of detail regarding Stefan's final days.

Before, I was struck with the stranger-comes-to-town plus going-on-a-journey themes. This evening I am struck with how everyone herein is found to be out of place and that the only things that feel to be solid and for certain are the two story layout of Karin's cabin and the tempting waft of bacon and kaffe coming from the kitchen.

please, more!

.


Hi gkmoberg1,

I must say I have mixed feelings about this new review of yours but then as with the fine craft of writing one can often create unintended ambiguities. However, you are right on the main theme of 'being out of place'. In a sense this quite true and very intentional.
All the characters are essentially out of place in a way. for example and not giving too much away: the narrator has been pulled out of his normal existence and still feels like a visitor walking into a very unusual situation. Karin and Anna are in a new situation themselves when for them destiny should have been fixed and unyielding yet, by a cruel twist of fate, were thrust together.

I may have been in error in putting up part 2 when essentially it was the first part of part 3 but I felt it was important to show the transitory stage of the narrator and his observations only which could portray everyone in an awkward light. That was unintentional.

Thank you for your opinion and it has made me rethink how I should tell this little tale. So its back to the notepad to rewrite a few things.

Be well :)
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Re: Dreams Made Flesh (Part 1 & 2)

Postby dongregg » Tue Nov 08, 2016 6:45 pm

JoBerg wrote:I may have been in error in putting up part 2 when essentially it was the first part of part 3 but I felt it was important to show the transitory stage of the narrator and his observations only which could portray everyone in an awkward light. That was unintentional.

Thank you for your opinion and it has made me rethink how I should tell this little tale. So its back to the notepad to rewrite a few things.

Be well :)

I sort of get that about the transitory stage leaving everyone in an awkward light. Parts 4 and 5 of the story I've been posting for a while are really just part 4. I had to break part 4 into parts 4 and 5, and that created the problem of where to break it. I managed to move enough stuff around so the transition wasn't too jarring.

Bottom line, and based on feedback from forum members, rewrite is inevitable at certain points, especially, I would guess, in a story as tightly written as yours.

But whatever, your tale is supposed to get us out of our comfort zone. You're doing a great job! 8-)
"For hjertet er livet enkelt: Det slår så længe det kan." - Karl Ove Knausgård
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Re: Dreams Made Flesh (Part 1 & 2)

Postby JoBerg » Sat Nov 12, 2016 8:50 pm

dongregg wrote:
JoBerg wrote:I may have been in error in putting up part 2 when essentially it was the first part of part 3 but I felt it was important to show the transitory stage of the narrator and his observations only which could portray everyone in an awkward light. That was unintentional.

Thank you for your opinion and it has made me rethink how I should tell this little tale. So its back to the notepad to rewrite a few things.

Be well :)

I sort of get that about the transitory stage leaving everyone in an awkward light. Parts 4 and 5 of the story I've been posting for a while are really just part 4. I had to break part 4 into parts 4 and 5, and that created the problem of where to break it. I managed to move enough stuff around so the transition wasn't too jarring.

Bottom line, and based on feedback from forum members, rewrite is inevitable at certain points, especially, I would guess, in a story as tightly written as yours.

But whatever, your tale is supposed to get us out of our comfort zone. You're doing a great job! 8-)


Thanks dongregg:)
It really does feel awkward breaking up the story and I am trying to 'humanize' the setting a little first before the story shifts everyone out of the comfort zone a bit more.
I feel in this story a very strong 'what if' scenario and it's proving to be quite a challenge. I hope to get the story up before Christmas.
Be well dongregg ;)
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Re: Dreams Made Flesh (Part 1 & 2)

Postby dongregg » Fri Aug 25, 2017 11:13 pm

Hi JoBerg. I sure hope you are working on part 3 and beyond. If you have any sections that you want one of us to preview or work with you on, PM me and we'll talk about it. I would not have been able to bring "Set Me as a Seal" to an end (part 10) without a lot of hand-holding by our generous fellow writers. :)
"For hjertet er livet enkelt: Det slår så længe det kan." - Karl Ove Knausgård
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