Everything you know about bullying is wrong

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BurgerPrince
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Everything you know about bullying is wrong

Post by BurgerPrince » Sat Feb 20, 2021 3:21 am

A UC Davis study found that most bullies do not act on insecurity (psychological deficiency, emotional dysregulation, empathy deficits, or rough home lives) or target people of low social status. They look for power within their social networks -- clubs, classrooms, sporting teams, dating scenes -- and target people they know. Friends, mutual friends, even people who share the same bullies and victims.

The most terrifying part is that it's effective. Aggression is an effective means to compete for awards that conventional anti-bullying programs don't offer, hence most of them fail.

It reminded me of a moment from Let the Right One In:
Eli frowned.
"What happened to your cheek?"
"Phhh... I... fell."
Oskar kept going toward the playground. Eli followed. He walked past the jungle gym, sat down in a swing. Eli sat in the swing next to it. They swung back and forth in silence for a while.
"Someone did that to you didn't they?"
Oskar kept swinging.
"Yes."
"Who?"
"Some... friends."
"Friends?"
It was a subtle touch that pierced deeply. When I was growing up, it was hard to tell friend from foe.

Anyway, long time, no see, everyone! I meant to come back here a long time ago, but I didn't expect it to be nearly five years.
...But if you meet a friendly horse, will you communicate by Morse?

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dongregg
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Re: Everything you know about bullying is wrong

Post by dongregg » Sat Feb 20, 2021 3:53 am

Welcome back.

It's hard to grow up male. I know bullying happens in girl groups, but my experience is that of a boy, and uc davis has got it right.
“For drama to deepen, we must see the loneliness of the monster and the cunning of the innocent.”

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BurgerPrince
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Re: Everything you know about bullying is wrong

Post by BurgerPrince » Sat Feb 20, 2021 4:01 am

dongregg wrote:
Sat Feb 20, 2021 3:53 am
Welcome back.

It's hard to grow up male. I know bullying happens in girl groups, but my experience is that of a boy, and uc davis has got it right.
The research on male bullying is pretty interesting. A 2012 study of high school football players found the best predictor of bullying was the perception that the most influential male in one's life would approve of it.

Good to hear from you again!
...But if you meet a friendly horse, will you communicate by Morse?

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Jameron
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Re: Everything you know about bullying is wrong

Post by Jameron » Sat Feb 20, 2021 9:06 am

BurgerPrince wrote:
Sat Feb 20, 2021 4:01 am
dongregg wrote:
Sat Feb 20, 2021 3:53 am
Welcome back.

It's hard to grow up male. I know bullying happens in girl groups, but my experience is that of a boy, and uc davis has got it right.
The research on male bullying is pretty interesting. A 2012 study of high school football players found the best predictor of bullying was the perception that the most influential male in one's life would approve of it.

Good to hear from you again!
"the best predictor of bullying was the perception that the most influential male in one's life would approve of it."

This is where John (and by extension, Tomas) nails it completely (whereas Matt Reeves falls back on easy stereotypes). The brothers that are the main bullies in this story Conny & Jimmy (film version) have a supportive and loving relationship, Jimmy is Conny's hero and inspiration. This makes Conny far more dangerous to Oskar, as Conny wants to bully him in order to feel like he's living up to his hero's expectations and will get recognition for his efforts, positive reinforcement. Kenny (Let Me In) is just trying to stop being bullied by his bigger brother by chosing to be like him, it's almost like he has no other option, negative reinforcement. His heart is not really in it, which is why it always felt a tad forced to me in Let Me In, even though the sequence of events are largely the same it didn't come across as organic.

.
"For a few seconds Oskar saw through Eli’s eyes. And what he saw was … himself. Only much better, more handsome, stronger than what he thought of himself. Seen with love."

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BurgerPrince
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Re: Everything you know about bullying is wrong

Post by BurgerPrince » Sat Feb 20, 2021 2:57 pm

Jameron wrote:
Sat Feb 20, 2021 9:06 am
...Kenny (Let Me In) is just trying to stop being bullied by his bigger brother by chosing to be like him, it's almost like he has no other option, negative reinforcement...
Sibling relationships can be complicated. Reeves' direction does tend to be a bit stereotypical, hence we can only speculate rather than observe/infer, but Kenny could have a different relationship with his brother at home. My brother was a different person with respect to who was around. He was viciously abusive, yet I looked up to him over everyone else (making it severely worse). I used to bully other kids the way he bullied me, half-imagining his approval. While social status is the primary motive for bullying, "stereotypical" factors could still have some influence over how it plays out. Pardon me if my original post needed some clarification.
...But if you meet a friendly horse, will you communicate by Morse?

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intrige
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Re: Everything you know about bullying is wrong

Post by intrige » Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:10 am

Oh my god, no wonder my childhood friends all started bullying me the minute we reached puberty. I always found it odd and cruel,but ti makes sense now. Allthough lots of other people bullied me whom I didn't know the names of even, I think they did it just because everyone else did it. Without cruel intent but not peer pressure either.M y mother always used to say they must have picked me at random. But the ones who didn't know me from before must have sensed something, and did it too. Some where worse than others and some of them have later shown to have big life problems,like drugs and even suicide. But oh my god
Bulleri bulleri buck, hur många horn står upp

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BurgerPrince
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Re: Everything you know about bullying is wrong

Post by BurgerPrince » Tue Feb 23, 2021 3:15 am

intrige wrote:
Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:10 am
Oh my god, no wonder my childhood friends all started bullying me the minute we reached puberty. I always found it odd and cruel,but ti makes sense now. Allthough lots of other people bullied me whom I didn't know the names of even, I think they did it just because everyone else did it. Without cruel intent but not peer pressure either.M y mother always used to say they must have picked me at random. But the ones who didn't know me from before must have sensed something, and did it too. Some where worse than others and some of them have later shown to have big life problems,like drugs and even suicide. But oh my god
Sorry to hear it was that bad for you. It's a tough time period to grow through, all the more why LTROI is such a poignant story.

Kids that age test their physical and social power over other people. Most bullies don't act alone -- they do it to look cool in front of other people.
...But if you meet a friendly horse, will you communicate by Morse?

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intrige
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Re: Everything you know about bullying is wrong

Post by intrige » Tue Feb 23, 2021 3:06 pm

Yeah it was a shitty experience and had itnot happened would be heathier,happier and a little less wise
Bulleri bulleri buck, hur många horn står upp

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