“Enjoy the little things,
for one day you may look back and realize
they were the big things.”
-Robert Brault
....................
Oskar Eriksson
Eli looked up from the torn piece of newspaper she was holding in her hand and at the headstone.
Oskar Eriksson
This was it. This was him now. A rounded stone. A rock.
Eli had long ago learned to buy newspapers to learn what the police were making of her “exploits”. She would normally just uninterestedly flip through the pages to see if there was anything of concern to her. She didn’t expect to find this.
Eli pushed the piece of the obituary page back into her pocket and sat down in front of the headstone.
She had been flipping through a paper when she thought she caught a glimpse of his name. When she turned back the page, it was indeed his name. It was on the worst page of the paper.
It was a cold night. There were still some leaves in the trees, but most of them were past the point of being beautifully colored and were instead a dull brown. Eli listened to the leaves rustle one another as she closed her eyes. Nature was speaking.
Eli opened her eyes. She tilted her head to the side as she read the stone over and over. She could feel her lip begin to quiver.
Oskar Eriksson
*******
Anton pulled into the parking lot at the cemetery. As he stepped out of his car he looked at his watch.
9:37
Anton had made a habit of visiting his father’s grave every Saturday night to replace the flowers he always left, and to generally make sure the area looked nice. Well kept.
He enjoyed coming at night much more than during the day. His father always enjoyed the night time, and as Anton felt, it had rubbed off on him. It was always just more…. peaceful. So quiet. Empty. Private.
A good time to visit his dad.
Anton locked his car then turned and started walking towards his father’s grave. He didn’t bring his flashlight. There was a full Moon.
He had buried Oskar back in July.
But he remembered.
Anton held to the fact that at least his father’s mind lasted as long as his body. The box Anton had brought to his father last year, had actually helped. He still had “good” and “bad” days, but the disease did slow.
And he remembered us. All of us.
Anton remembered how the funeral went. It had been nice, lovely in fact. Everyone there had loved his father. Everyone. He could tell by the looks in their faces.
As Anton was getting closer to the grave, he could see a young girl sitting in front of it.
Fuckin’ kids. She better not be doing what I think she’s doing.
He quickened his pace. A group of kids had, in fact, spray painted some headstones at the cemetery last week. The thought made Anton furious. The fact that some kids could be so inconsiderate as to desecrate a grave.
Horrible.
As he got closer he saw that she was wearing an old and faded yellow shirt, with a pair of pajama pants. They didn’t match.
And no shoes?
When he was about two and a half meters from her he could see the side of her face and hear her quiet sobs.
Cristina?
He moved closer.
“Hello?”
******
Eli was jolted back to reality.
“Hello?”
She turned and saw….. Oskar?
He looked much older than she had ever seen him but…..
Just how I imagined.
She realized it couldn’t be Oskar. She looked down beneath her crossed legs,
He’s…down there.
Eli started to get up to run.
Anton saw the girls surprised face as she turned to look at him. He realized it wasn’t Cristina.
The photos. Eli.
He could tell she was about to run.
“Eli?”
Eli stopped halfway through standing, frozen.
He knows my name?
She looked at the man. He was looking at her with disbelief.
“Ye…..Yes…”
My God…..It’s really her.
He moved forward.
Anton sat down in front of the grave with Eli still frozen. She had a confused look on her face.
“I’m…Anton.”
Her face didn’t change.
Anton looked at the ground.
“This…..Oskar….. was my father.”
Eli’s face became blank, as she tried to fight back a frown. Anton could hear her beginning to choke as her eyes became shiny.
*******
Eli was sitting across from Anton in front of Oskar’s headstone. She couldn’t take her eyes off him.
“You….look like him.”
She swallowed.
“Or….how…how I imagined he would look….One day.”
She gave Anton a sad smile.
Anton felt wetness begin to collect over his eyes. He could see the pain in hers.
She misses you, dad.
He cleared his throat,
“Thanks…Thank you.”
Eli looked down at her hands, studying every line as if her life was written there.
“He loved you….He….” Anton’s voice was cut off by his tears.
“I loved him.” Eli said as she looked up.
Still do.
She couldn’t keep her jaw from shaking any longer. A burst of air came from her mouth as she began to cry.
Anton again, cleared his throat,
“He…wanted to see you. He wished he could.”
The words stung Eli.
I wished I could see him….I should’ve seen him
She felt anger begin to form in her. At herself. She wasn’t actually sure if seeing him would’ve been the right thing, but….
I miss him….I miss him so much…
She began crying harder. She couldn’t keep the pain at bay any longer. It needed release.
Anton joined her.
*******
Once both of them had recovered from their sobs, and could once again speak, Anton looked at the headstone.
“He told me about you….He….Thank you.”
Eli looked up, once again confused.
“What do you mean?”
Anton turned his head and looked into her eyes.
“You saved him….at the pool…”
Eli looked down again.
That’s all I do….all I‘m good for….kill, kill, kill…
“And….you gave him something he needed, more than anyone.”
Eli peered up at Anton underneath her hair.
“You loved him. He never forgot that. Never.”
Eli felt her heart sink.
“I….I wish I could’ve given him more. Could’ve….could’ve….”
Anton could see Eli’s face begin to contort.
She’s mad. At herself….
“There was nothing more he wanted. He just wanted you.
Nothing else. You Eli…. you
“But, it’s not fair!!” Eli began raising her voice.
“I loved him! I wanted to be with him! I wanted to get old, with him!” Eli pointed her finger to the ground beneath them.
“I’m stuck here, without him!
Her voice dropped away as she brought her hands to face while her body shuddered to her gasping breaths.
She spoke again, this time softly, apologetically,
“I…I’m just so tired….I’ve been here so long….I…I rather just rest….Here. With him.” She pointed to the ground again.
Anton wanted to say something, but couldn’t….his throat was too tight. He just stared back at her, silent tears rolling down his face.
******
“You…..He said, you taught him what the important things in life are.”
Anton’s throat had finally released his voice.
Eli sighed as she looked up at the Moon. A reflection of the Sun. Eli couldn’t remember the Sun.
You were my Sun, Oskar. Now I just have your memory…Your reflection.
“He…well….”
Eli was searching for the right words.
“ Well, you see….I’ve been here….been alive…a long time. A really long time. I learned to survive…..but…that’s all I did. Oskar…your father…let me live. Let me laugh. And….well, cry.”
Eli looked at Anton.
“I had forgotten how. How to be…..human. I… I thought I was nothing. But, he showed me I was something….I was loved.
“You say that he thought I did so much for him. But, he’s the one who did so much for me.”
So much
Anton nodded sadly. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.
Eli looked at with Anton with a smile, as if she just realized something.
“Do you wanna see?”
“What do you mean?” Anton said confused.
“Do you want to….know what it was like? Being with Oskar….your father?”
Anton nodded yes, still confused, but visibly more relaxed.
Eli scooted across the grass, closer to Anton. Once she was sitting knee to knee in front of him, she reached out and held his face.
Anton spoke,
“What are you do--”
Eli’s lips met his before he could finish.
*****
“It’s a Rubix Cube.” The little blonde boy said.
What’s that?” Anton almost felt embarrassed that the boy might think he’s stupid.
“A toy.”
“A puzzle?
“Yes. Want to try it?” The boy held out the cube.
Anton reached for it.
…………….
Maybe he won’t think I’m weird now that I showered. I hope.
His cube was fun. Rubix. That’s a weird name. Rubix. He was nice to let me borrow it….When was the last time I actually “borrowed”?
Anton put the cube down on the jungle gym.
I wonder what he wants? I mean he did let me use his cube….he must want something….
Anton heard a door open and looked up.
Oh! Here he comes….
…………..
Oskar. His name is Oskar. I almost killed Oskar
Anton sighed as he looked down.
I need to eat. This isn’t good. I could’ve killed him. Oskar.
……………
“And if they keep hitting back?” Oskar said as he looked up at Anton.
“You have a knife.”
“Yes, but what if they…”
“Then I’ll help you.”
………….
I can’t believe they hurt Oskar….Who could do that
Yes, I almost did…..but, it wasn’t really me. It was…it.
Anton let out a sigh.
I like this code thing though. I think he likes me….I like him.
I….think I’m going to go try it out right now….
………..
“ No banaaaaanas?”
……………
“Do you do anything in particular with someone you’re going out with?”
Anton felt nervous.
No!….He does want something….everyone wants….something.
“No.”
No? Hmmm….
“It’s just like normal?”
“Yes.”
I knew you wouldn’t…..I knew….
………….
Anton drew back from the kiss. He could see blood on Oskar’s face.
I don’t want to go……But, I always have to go….Always…
…………..
Please, wake up Oskar….Please….
You can’t die…..not now….Please, Oskar….
Oskar opened his eyes. He looked up at Anton
He smiled.
********
Eli pulled back from the kiss.
She had shown Anton everything she wanted to. All the things from Blackberg, and beyond. All the good things, anyway.
Anton looked spacey, like he wasn’t completely there. He looked at Eli.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Me too…”
*********
Anton stood up. He had spent the whole night at the cemetery. It was time to go.
Jennifer must be worried….
“Look….” He said as he began to write something down with a pen and piece of paper he pulled out of his pocket.
“I….would like to see you again. Take this.” He held out the paper.
Eli reached up and grabbed it.
Again….
She looked down at it. He had given her his personal information.
Anton Eriksson
She nodded.
“I have to go now though….my wife.” Anton said apologetically.
“I do too. It’s almost sunrise.” Eli looked toward the east.
To flee is life, to linger, death.
“I’ll walk out with you.” Eli said as she looked over to Anton.
“OK” he said with a smile.
Eli was about to get up when Anton noticed her expression change….
Reminiscent….Nostalgic?? Happy?
He watched as she looked to the Earth, his father’s coffin lay below.
She started to tap the ground.
Tap, tap, tap.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Tap, tap, tap, scratch.
Scratch, scratch, tap.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Scratch.
Scratch
Eli looked up at Anton. He was giving her a strange look.
“He…..He understands.” Eli said as she looked back to the ground.
*********
Eli stood at the edge of the cemetery. Anton had given her a hug before he left.
Hug….
The wind had picked up. It would be sunrise soon.
Eli pulled out the pieces of paper in her pocket. She held the obituary on top of Anton’s personal information.
Eli closed her eyes as she turned her head to the sky. She brought a breath of the crisp air into her nose as she listened to the leaves rattle. Nature was speaking.
She almost successfully swallowed the lump in her throat. One last tear came out from between her eyelids and began moving down her cheek.
She sighed as she looked back down at the torn piece of paper. Eli brought it to her face and dried her tear. She read the paper one last time.
Oskar Eriksson.
She brought his name closer to her and kissed it as the wind blew through her hair.
Then she let the papers go.
Eli watched them perform their awkward dance as the wind carried them away, spinning, and rolling.
Thank you, Oskar.