In Strictest Confidence

Hi all,

This is meant to be nothing more than a light hearted attempt to have both Eli and Oskar voice some of their feelings and thoughts to themselves. It's meant to be simple, a little cheesy, and sweet.

Thanks for reading!

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In Strictest Confidence

Eli is sitting with her legs dangling over the edge of the pier, kicking them out playfully, engrossed in thought. The fact that the water was freezing and her feet bare hardly registered with her. What had she told him? Something about having forgotten how to be cold? Well, it was as close to a description as she could muster. Just one of a million little details that she couldn’t explain to him. She would have if she could, but the truth was she just plain didn’t know. It was simply another way they were different.

“I really should be heading back. Oskar gets worried when I’m away too late. He has some fool notion that I’ll stay out too long and risk the sunrise.” Eli looked to her left and gave out a small smile. “It’s cute, but really… I’m not an idiot.”

She traces her toe in a small circle in the water, making ripples that followed after her delicate movements. Looking down, she notices that her feet were filthy. Eli cursed her lack of attention to details. She tries very hard not to make mistakes like this, knowing that she had to remember these things better. Oskar would tease her, gently and with a degree of mirth, but for some reason that made it worse. Embarrassing.

“Did you know that one of the first things he ever said to me was that I smell funny? Who says that? I swear, that boy just has a complete lack of manners sometimes. I mean, he didn’t even know me. To just blurt out that I smell funny? God! I don’t know what’s worse, that nerve of his, or the fact that it bothered me! Some snot nosed kid mocked me and it bothered me!”

Eli looks up at the sky, taking in the stars for a second, before closing her eyes. The air blows lazily on her face, brushing her round cheeks with soft strokes. She sighs gently.

“I know, I know… He wasn’t mocking me. He was just saying the first thing that popped into his head. He is *very* good at that. The stupid part is that it did bother me I guess. Ever since, I’ve really tried to pay attention to these things. Really. I don’t always remember, but, you know, I do a lot better than I used to. Every once in a while though, I wonder what the point of it is. What difference does it make if I clean up? I’m just going to get dirty again. I think that enough is enough, Oskar can just suck it up!”

Moving a little closer to the edge of the pier, Eli dips her feet into the water until they are completely submerged, letting the gently moving water roll over the tops of them. Wriggling her toes and gently kicking her legs, she practically wills the dirt and the grime to come off.

“But then he does something to make me reconsider. I’ll have my mind set, ready to put my foot down and try and claim that small victory. About ready to say, no yell, that I don’t care if I stink! I don’t care if my hair is matted or there’s dirt on my face! But Oskar… He’ll beat me to the punch. He fights dirty you know! You wouldn’t think it, but he can be sooo devious. Do you know what he says?”

Eli turns her attention back to her left, looking for an answer to her question. Slowly, she smiles and absentmindedly tucks her hair behind her ear with her hand, and curls it around her finger.

“He says: Wow Eli, you look so pretty tonight.”

In the dark of the night, with nary a soul to see, the tiny vampire blushes. The warmth in her cheeks feels nice though. It’s an odd feeling, still new to her. But she cannot deny that it makes her feel good.

“I never know what to say to that. What should I say? Thank you? It’s very confusing. Very. It makes me happy though when he says stuff like that. How dumb is that? How dumb is it that I’ll run to the bathroom when he isn’t looking and brush my hair or wipe my face? A handful of stupid words and I run off and…”

Eli lets out a prolonged sigh and pulls her feet out of the water. She places them on the wooden pier and wraps her arms around her legs, hugging herself. Turning her head, she rests the side of her face on her knees.

“But he makes me *feel* pretty. Hell, I don’t even know if I should feel pretty. If I *want* to feel pretty. Yet when he makes me feel like that, it’s all I want. All I can think about. What do you think he sees? Is it me? Who I really am? Or is he seeing what he wants to see?”

Looking out over the water, all was still quiet. The night was picturesque and calm, an inky painting set across the moonlit sky. The stars were out in force, giving everything an eerie white glow. Eli could see just fine either way, but there was something oddly comforting in knowing that it was not just her nature that let her see into the distance. That if a certain someone had been here with her, they could have shared this small moment together.

“What if what I am isn’t enough? You know, in the long run. Do you think he’s even thought it through? I’m… damaged. In so many ways. Hell, would it be better if I weren’t? Does that matter? Does it make it easier or harder for him? Does he even fucking care? How can I ask him that? How? I’m so scared of the answer. Scared like I haven’t been in a long time. Scared that he’ll think it all through. One second tell me I’m pretty, and the next realize that…”

Eli’s voice trails off into the darkness, letting the words remain unfinished. Half afraid to bring them to their logical conclusion, and half too young to fully realize what that conclusion might be. Groaning in frustration, she stands up and leans over the edge of the pier. She looks down at gently swishing water, trying to gain a glimpse of her reflection. Frowning, she reaches down and grabs a handful of water and brings it up to her face, scrubbing away some of the filth from her mouth. Trying to be pro-active, she grabs another handful and rubs it through her tangled hair.

“Maybe it doesn’t matter, you know? Worrying about tomorrow. Worrying about where we’re going and what will happen when we get there. Maybe I just need to let myself enjoy today for a little bit. Because it’s good. Today is sooo good! I never thought it could be this good. Right now, there’s a boy waiting for me. A boy that cares about me. That smiles when I smile and holds me when I get sad. Somebody that just wants to be around me. I know, I know… Its complicated. It’s awkward and confusing. Yeah, I know. Maybe it isn’t fair to him. But can’t I just enjoy it? Just for a little bit? Have my little piece of today, and hold off on worrying about tomorrow?”

Stepping back from the water, she turns to her left, takes two steps and kneels down. She grabs the package at her feet, and steps over the cold body laying on it’s stomach, it’s face drinking in one last night of moonlight. As she is about to move off into the night, she stops and turns her head back towards the pier.

“Thanks. You know… For listening. Sometimes I just need to get it all out there. I know, I need to talk to him about it. I know. I will, I promise. I just need a little time. Just a few more smiles, a few more ‘You look pretty Eli’s’. But I’ll talk to him. I swear. And thanks for these too. They’re very nice. I’m sure Oskar will love them.”

Soft steps carry Eli away from the pier and into the night. She cradles a small bundle underneath her arm, and picks her steps carefully. Naturally, she wants to avoid notice. To go through the darkness undetected. But also, she is mindful of where she steps. She wouldn’t want to get her feet dirty.

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Staring out the 3rd floor window at the dimly lit street, Oskar is feeling somewhat bored and lonely. There is no activity on the street below. No hustle and bustle, no people milling about. Just an empty street. Dark and lifeless. He clutches the small bundle to his side a little tighter, and raises one small hand and gently touches the window.

“I hate it when she’s out this late. What if she loses track of time? You know how she is. She can get so wrapped up in stuff she forgets to check the hour. Sunrise is what? An hour, hour and a half away? She needs to be more careful. Yes, yes, I know what she’s doing *is* being careful, but there’s other kinds of careful too!”

Oskar gently taps each finger on the cold glass, one after the other. Slowly at first, and then picks up the tempo. It makes a hollow tapping sound that fills the small, sparse apartment. The slight chill that his fingertips experience upon contact with the glass helps to sharpen his senses. His sleeping habits have been turned upside down since leaving home, and it’s been hard to adjust. Each tap produces a shiver, and each shiver a small jolt helping to keep him alert.

“So what if she’s been doing this for a long time? All it takes is one mistake, one night where she forgets or gets careless or gets caught. What then, huh? What happens that night when she doesn’t come home? When I wait, and I wait, and I wait… Argh! I know she’s too smart for that! I know! I know! I know! She *has* been doing this for a long time. But… She didn’t… have… me?”

He brings the soft and squishy lump up to the centre of his chest and hugs it it tight, feeling oddly small and inconsequential in the empty apartment. Eli maintained that they had to travel light, so the place remained bare except for a few odds and ends that they had carried. Most of the time, Oskar didn’t mind. The idea of being hung up on “things” seemed like another lifetime. It was a crutch that he simply didn’t need anymore. However, every once in a while, mostly when he was alone, Oskar missed those things. He missed his model cars or Smurf figures. His records. His books. His life.

“Do you think it’s easier or harder for her, you know, having me around? God knows I’m of no practical value. I can’t help her… you know… get food and stuff. I can’t do any of the millions of things we need an adult for. I can’t protect her. All I am is a burden. Another thing for Eli to worry about. Another problem. But I swear, I try! I try my hardest not to be trouble. I don’t want her to not want me around. I don’t want her to make… I … I don’t want her not to smile.”

Oskar turns back to the window, and looks down both directions of the street. He knows it is pointless. That even if Eli were on her way back, on that very street, he would never see her. She could be right outside the window, and he would never spot her. Still, he felt better looking. As though him actively willing her back would somehow guide her safely home.

“The first time she ever smiled at me was when she was explaining about the stupid Rubik’s Cube. Oh, she was smug all right. She was sooo happy that she had figured it out and… No. That’s not true. She wasn’t smug. She was… content? I think. She sat beside me, real close. God, she looked so pretty. So special. It was nice of her to have taken a bath though. Because. You know. I’m sure *you* know. She can be a little fragrant.”

Oskar laughs out loud at his little joke. It didn’t make him feel any less concerned, but it was nice to have a moment of levity.

“What does that make me? Hmm? Thinking that Eli is pretty. Thinking that Elias is pretty. She is a he is a she is a he… It honestly gives me a headache sometimes. I don’t know. I don’t know at all. She can give me a look, a simple, stupid look. Or tuck her hair behind an ear. Or give me that smile. Not even with her mouth, but with her eyes! She can light up the room by smiling with her eyes and all I can think of is how pretty she is! But she is a he! He’s my friend! He’s… her. And she’s…”

Frustrated at a string of thoughts he’s been battling with for longer than just the one night, Oskar lets out a groan, and leans his head forward, pressing it up against the cold glass of the window. A shiver goes down his body, causing him to shake ever so slightly. He closes his eyes and whispers.

“Everything.”

Pulling himself up straight, he takes one last look and steps away from the window. The warmth returns to his head quickly, giving Oskar a small head rush. He turns around and steps to the one chair in the small apartment. Deliberately and with great care, he places the stuffed bunny back on the chair, exactly as it had been left.

“Thanks. You’re a good little bunny. I wish you had an answer for me, but then, I guess if you started giving me advice I’d have a brand new problem, huh? I know that Eli and I need to figure it out. Need to know who we are and stuff. But it can wait, just a bit. Just a little bit. Maybe for right now, it doesn’t matter who… what Eli is. Eli is Eli. And If I want to think that Eli is pretty, that’s-”

Oskar stops in mid sentence as his ears pick up on a soft noise from the front door. TAP, TAP, SCRATCH, TAP…

 Smiling, Oskar reaches into the front pocket of his hoodie and pulls out the small item that had been resting there for the past hour. Turning it over in his hand, he goes and opens the front door.

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“Hey there.”

“Hi.”

“So… Can I come in?”

“Elllli, you know that you don’t have to-”

“Humour me, please. Can I come in?”

“Of course you can come in. Always.”

They both stand at the doorway for a second before Oskar takes a single step back, and Eli takes a single step forward. Eli closes the door behind her, carefully and quietly. Each one is obviously holding something behind their respective backs, but both seem slightly reluctant to be the first to go through with the big reveal. For a long moment they both just stand there. Looking. Then, in unison they both blurt out:

“Here!”

Eli thrusts out the small wrapped package of flowers. A handful of yellow daisies, bent and slightly worse for wear. They had already wilted and drooped slightly, giving them an almost comical appearance.

Oscar holds out a… potato? One that had been adorned with a facsimile of dangerously slitted cat eyes, a small pouty little mouth, a tangled mop of dark hair, and a pair of delicate little fangs.

A second goes past. Then another. Oskar stares at the flowers. Eli stares at the vampire potato. Eli looks down at the flowers she’s holding out. Oskar looks at the vampiric tuber he’s offering. They look at each other, And they laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Eli clutches at her sides, out of breath and shaking. Oskar falls to his knees, wheezing as he struggles to control his guffaws. Soon they were both rolling around on the ground beside one another, their gifts left aside for the moment. Slowly, the laughter dies down, and they prop themselves up on their elbows and stare intently at one another.

Oskar reaches out and carefully tucks a lock of hair behind Eli’s ear. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re very pretty when you laugh?”

Eli smiles.

“Way prettier than any potato.”

Eli smiles some more.

-END-