When your love ain’t life it feels like everything’s gone,
‘Cause everything is.
And you search for it, and you hurt for it,
And you promise each other you’ll work on it,
And you might have to let it go free ‘cause it never was yours.
But, that’s everything.
-Has-Lo
******
“Eli!”
Eli looked back as Oskar came running over the hill with an excited look on his face.
“Where were you?!” Eli said in mock anger, trying to cover up her actual relief. It felt like she had been looking for Oskar for a long time now.
…Too long.
“Nowhere.” Oskar said slyly slowing his run to a walk as he stepped toward Eli. She stared at him furrowing her brow before her “mad” face broke into a smile.
Eli reached out and locked Oskar in a hug as her anxiety left her. She never felt comfortable being separated from Oskar. Especially when she couldn’t find him fast enough for her liking.
“Really, though. I was scared…where were you?” Eli said, tilting her head to the left in an attempt to read Oskar’s face.
Oskar stared back into her questioning eyes with a slight frown as he thought about his answer. His lips slowly curved up into a smile as he replied, “Don’t worry about it. You’ll see it sometime…Lets play!”
Oskar turned and began to run toward the jungle gym in the center of the park. Eli rolled her eyes then quickly followed. She didn’t feel like arguing with him.
“Bet I’ll beat you to the top!” Oskar shouted as he grabbed hold of the jungle gym. Eli wasn’t going to let him win.
Not after that.
She grinned as she jumped and landed right next to Oskar at the bottom of jungle gym. “Bet!” was all that Oskar heard before seeing Eli maneuver up the poles faster than he could ever wish to move.
“You think you can just disappear AND beat me in a race? Pshh!”
“Well if you didn’t always cheat with your ’powers’,” Oskar began to say as he made bunny ears with his fingers, “I could actually win sometime!”
Once Oskar had found a comfortable sitting position next to Eli at the top of the jungle gym, he took her hand in his. Both of them stared happily at the Moon as it shone over the park. Eli hadn’t noticed until now how big the jungle gym was. One of the biggest her and Oskar had ever played on.
Eli swung her legs lightly back and forth while she thought about the Moon. She found it strange how one rock, one tiny rock, in all of space, just so happened to be placed right next to Earth. And not only that, but the amazing fact that this one rock has the ability to channel the Suns energy, and bring light to the night.
My world…
The night was indeed Eli’s world. The world which only has the Moon to let you know the Sun is still glowing. The only world she knew. The one she controlled and took advantage of. The one she had existed in for most of her life. The only one she remembered.
What does the Sun feel like?
She slowly turned and glanced at Oskar. He had joined her world. He was the one who just so happened to be placed so close to her. He was the one who reflected the life she could never know. Eli felt a sinking feeling in her chest.
“It wasn’t a mistake you know.” Oskar said as his face turned to Eli.
“What?” Eli said confused as she was snapped back to the moment.
“Me coming with you.”
Eli nodded sadly as Oskar brought his other hand over to hers.
“I don’t want you to think I ever regretted it.”
“Well it’s not like its easy to live with me.” Eli mumbled back.
“You are the one thing that makes it easy though!” Oskar said grinning.
Despite her effort, Eli couldn’t hold back her grin. Oskar, somehow, always said just the right thing.
Almost always.
Eli giggled as she thought about the times when Oskar hadn’t said, “The right thing”.
“Should we go to the apartment now?” Oskar asked.
“We have to catch the train soon.”
******
Eli admired the flowers as she walked hand in hand with Oskar. Spring was always a happy time of year for Eli. She got to see the world start over.
“I hope our next apartment will be nicer.” Eli said, as she began to swing her and Oskar’s hand back and forth. “This one was kinda…dingy.”
“I’m sure it will be OK.”
******
Eli was sorting through her things, trying to decide what to leave and what to take.
Of course the cube…My egg…I only need a few changes of clothes…
She looked up to ask Oskar what shirts she should take, when she noticed he was just sitting on the couch.
“Why aren’t you packing?”
“I can’t take anything with me.”
“What are you talking about?” Eli said slightly annoyed, as she stopped what she was doing.
Oskar’s face widened into a smile as he stared back, “That’s just the way it is!”
Eli shook her head, “Don’t complain when you have nothing but dirty clothes.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.”
Oskar had become a bit a braver about speaking what he thought ever since he had gotten a few years older than her. Eli let out a frustrated sigh as she looked back down at her clothes.
I think I’ll take the blue one…
******
“Your stupid.”
Oskar laughed as he looked at Eli. “What? Why?”
“You didn’t bring anything! Stupid!” Eli tapped Oskar’s head as she laughed with him.
As they rounded a corner the train station came into view.
“How long do you think the ride will be?” Eli asked.
“Not too long… Just a couple hours.”
Eli nodded as she looked up at Oskar. He was much taller now then when they had first met.
“And better looking.” She said aloud.
“What?”
Eli reached up and grabbed at the tuft of hair on Oskar’s chin and gave it a slight pull.
“You! So…dashing!”
Oskar remained silent as his cheeks turned red. Eli felt pleased, she had kept the ability to embarrass him at will.
My best power.
She squeezed his hand harder while she said, “Come on. We don’t want to be late.”
As they began to look around the train station, Eli noticed how empty it was. Usually at this time of night there were at least a few people around.
Weird…
******
“It seems like we’ve been waiting too long.” Eli said, as she leaned back against Oskar on the bench.
“When the train comes you’re gonna say it came too soon, and how you want to stay here longer!” Oskar said chuckling. “Believe me.”
“Hmm.”
Eli went back to her thoughts as she stared at the ceiling.
I should’ve made him pack. Now we have to get him all new stuff…Why didn’t he bring anything!?
“Look! The train’s pulling in over there.” Oskar said, pointing his chin in the direction of the train.
“OK. Let’s go.”
The two of them stood up and Eli began to grab her things.
“Hold on Oskar, I want to pull out my bunny real quick.”
Eli kneeled down to her backpack and started digging through it, in search of her bunny. Soon enough she found it, and was zipping her backpack up when she looked to where Oskar was standing. He wasn’t there.
Not again…
As she stood up, a man in a suit bumped into her from behind. Then another person. And another. Eli turned around quickly and saw what was once the empty station platform, was now a sea of people.
Eli began to push her way through the crowd with little success.
“Oskar! Oskar!” Eli began shouting when she could no longer push through the crowd. “Please, let me through! I need to catch my train!”
Nobody seemed to notice her.
Why would he just leave me!
Eli once again tried to force her way through the crowd when she heard the final call for the train. She couldn’t do it.
She heard the gears and levers of the locomotive begin turn and click, as it slowly began creeping away. Oskar was on the train.
Eli could see him looking back at her with a melancholic expression.
“Oskar!” Eli screamed as she attempted to break through the crowd.
“No! Let me through!” She screamed again as her anger grew. Nobody noticed.
Eli could see the train picking up speed, it was almost out of the station. She hunched over as she attempted to grow her wings. Nothing happened. She tried again.
Nothing…?
She then tried to grow her claws. Nothing.
Eli began screaming in desperation as she tried to push people out of her way. Her strength wasn’t there.
Why isn’t it working!?
She caught one final glimpse of Oskar as he put his hand to the window before disappearing out of sight. Eli felt her legs begin to give out and was soon huddled on the floor. A lump grew in her throat as she laid on the concrete, exhausted.
Why did you leave?…
Eli began sobbing as she gripped her stuffed bunny into a tight hug.
Then everything became quiet.
Eli looked up with blurred vision to the people around her. They were all gone. Then she noticed all the lights in the station were off. Eli wiped her eyes with the collar of her shirt as she looked around.
Empty…Alone.
Then she woke up.