Chapter Eight: Evening Thoughts

These characters are not mine but the bad writing and poor storytelling are.

Oskar gently stroked Eli's cheek with the back of his hand then brushed her long black hair away from her ear following it down past her shoulder. She was curled up beside him, lost in the serenity of a peaceful rest. Memories from recent events plagued his sleep causing him to wake before her which was a rare occassion. The feel of her soft skin eased his fears while his troubles were swept away in the flow of her thick locks through his fingers. On such occassions he enjoyed propping himself up and basking in her presence.

During those times his mind was inevitably stampeded by the same thoughts. Why had one so beautiful never been able to find someone willing to love her unconditionally? Why were people blinded by her dark nature, unable to see her true nature? Why, and this one always puzzled him, did she choose me? He always shuddered at the last thought, not wanting to entertain the idea of what he would have missed if her standards had been higher.

Oskar wanted badly to tell her how much she meant to him but he knew of no words that held that depth of meaning. A simple 'I love you' always had to do. No matter how many times he said it or how earnestly he proclaimed it such a phrase seemed barely adequate. He would do anything to demonstrate his love for her but could any action really convey such a limitless feeling, such a font of completeness and bliss that she tapped? Kisses and hugs were the only offerings he knew. He only hoped that when she looked into his eyes they could somehow show her what his heart felt.

Oskar had often heard of people making sacrifices for loved ones but had he made any worthy sacrifices for Eli? Sure he left his mom, left his dad, left that miserable existance some might call a life behind but did those count? After all, that was more of a rescue from her than a sacrifice from him. The moment that train started rolling out of Stockholm there was no looking back, only forward. There were no regrets, only hopes. That former life that he loathed had taught him to appreciate what he had found, to cherish it. Whether the person lying beside him was Eli or Elias did not matter. All Oskar saw was his dearest friend, faithful confidant, the one he loved with all his being. The one whose love had given him a new life.The one whose smile gave that new life meaning.

Even forsaking the day, forsaking a normal life and becoming like her seemed so insignificant as he lay beside her, reveling in her beauty. Was choosing the life of a vampire enough to prove his devotion? That was no sacrifice. It was a gift to him, even though he had to plead with her for it. A gift that would allow him to have her always, which during moments like this along with so many others didn't feel like enough. Would the centuries to come curb his yearning for her or would eternity not be enough? Such spans of time were next to impossible for him to fathom as was the breadth of his feelings for her.

Shedding blood and taking life were indeed sacrifices, to his own selfishness. He wanted to be with her always no matter the cost. What he had pretended to do by stabbing trees out of hate and revenge before he met Eli he now did in reality with fangs and claws yet for entirely different reasons. Reasons that offered no consolation to his prey nor justified his actions yet gave him the will to pay the toll for a life with her. The intense craving from the hunger did aid with the necessity of its demand but offered no comfort. The guilt and remorse from such grievous deeds that visited him often fled only when he thought of her.

What had he possibly given up that could compare to what he had gotten? Her touch made his confidence explode. Her kiss made his heart swell. Her loving gaze rendered him helpless in a way that made him happily content. What could he give back? She already had him. He had her. That's all he wanted. With each passing night he wanted her more.

Eli shifted slightly and Oskar withdrew his hand and froze. As eager as he was for her to awake so they could enjoy the night together he didn't want the moment to end just yet. Stillness covered her again.

Oskar had no answers for his mind's queries. Feelings betrayed logic. Eli had lived for over two hundred years and found no one willing until him. She had suffered wrongly at the hands of that wicked being who made her into a creature of the night. She wandered in despair far longer than what would have driven a lesser person mad, until that fateful night in Blackeberg when both of their lives merged, changing forever. Though he felt badly for her past sufferings he couldn't help but to be grateful for them just a little, only because they brought her to him. Such a thought made him feel guilty, but the thought of never knowing the feel of her cheek made him cringe.

Oskar once again caressed Eli's cheek this time following it down to the smooth line of her jaw and stopping at her chin. Eli opened her eyes as he withdrew his hand. She blinked once allowing her eyes to adjust to the cellar's darkness. When she looked up towards Oskar her eyes were wide and cat-like. She propped herself up to meet Oskar's stare.

"So what do you want to do tonight Oskar?"she asked.

"This." he replied.