In spite of the fact that everyone was glad to see her home safe, Eli could tell there were many unanswered questions that they pointedly avoided asking. And it was just as well; she didn’t have any adequate answers for them. Only Sava had given her any indication that he understood, but still he was angry with her, and rightly so. She had indeed been selfish on some level. But did being unselfish mean that she owed herself to them? That she should continue to live among them, knowing that eventually many of them would die because of her? She was caught in the middle; damned if she did, and damned if she didn’t. There was no solution to her problem. The love of her life would most certainly die no matter what she finally decided to do. Gudmund’s father had won the final battle after all. His curse was unbreakable.
When Livia refused to allow Hannah spend the night with them, Eli didn’t have the energy to plead her case, and oddly, Hannah didn’t seem to try very hard either. Even Oskar seemed distant somehow. She sat down at the kitchen table and sighed with relief when everyone had finally left.
Her reticence didn’t go unnoticed by Elaine. “We’ll talk in the morning, Eli. You and Oskar have been through a lot, and I can tell you’re not in the mood to talk now.” She kissed her on the forehead.
“Thanks, Mama; thanks Papa. I really am tired.” Oskar took her hand and led her up the stairs to his room. Eli couldn’t think of anything to say to him, but still she could feel his love and devotion for her wrap itself around her like a warm blanket. How could I have ever thought…?
Sava stood up as they approached, put his book on the chair, and grabbed her in a tight bear hug, lifting her completely off the floor. If there’s anything you need to talk about, tonight or anytime at all, I’ll be right here, Angel. He kissed her on the cheek, and set her down softly. She smiled at him gratefully.
Oskar took her hand and pulled her gently into her room. She stood there quietly, watching him put his pajamas on, then slipped into her own. She hesitated a moment, then stood on her tiptoes and kissed him gently. “I love you, Oskar. And I’m…”
“I know. You’re sorry.” He smiled at her. “You’re back and that’s all that matters.”
“No, Oskar. It isn’t. And you’ve all been so good to me, in spite of…” On a sudden impulse, she turned and opened the door.
“Goodnight, Sava.” Eli poked her head out and smiled at him.
“Goodnight Angel.” He settled down in the chair and picked up his book.
“That looks boring, Sava. I’ve got some old Eva and Adam comics you could read.”
He smiled. “This will do just fine, Eli.”
“What’s he reading, Eli? I’ve always wondered what kind of book Sava would read,” Oskar whispered.
“The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, by William L. Shirer,” Eli whispered back. “He’s probably checking to make sure it’s accurate, since he was there,” she snickered.
“Well, if he was there, why didn’t he…”
“You’ll have to ask him, Oskar. I’m sure he had his reasons,” Eli said, grateful for the change in subject.
Oskar slid into bed and held the covers up for her. She slipped in beside him, and felt his arms wrap around her. Please promise you’ll stay, Eli. I couldn’t bear it if I woke up and you were…
I promise, Oskar. She pressed her cheek against his. “I promise.”
“Eli?” Oskar paused a moment, mustering up the courage to continue. “You had…blood on your face and hands in the cave. Where…”
“I don’t know, Oskar! I don’t know!”
“But…”
“I don’t remember anything between the time the plane exploded and when I held the locket in my hands, watching you and Hannah sleeping together.” She remembered that moment clearly. For a moment, she had thought she was dreaming; that she was looking down on Oskar and herself asleep in her bed; that Jeff’s death and her flight across the Irish Sea had been a terrible dream. The hollow pain in the pit of her stomach when she saw her reflection in the mirror – her disheveled hair; her filthy, dirt-covered body and the blood on her face – was unbearable.
Oskar winced as she relived that moment. “I wish…” He began again. “I feel so helpless, Eli. I can’t think of anything I can do to make it all go away. Sava is right, though. It’s not your fault.” It’s not your fault! It’s not your fault!
But it is, Oskar. I knew it as soon as…. She paused, confused for a moment. As soon as what? When did she know it? After she turned 13? After she turned 14? The more she tried to pin it down, the more elusive it became. All she knew for sure is that it wasn’t Jeff; it was something…ancient; something that had been with her forever that had turned her curse into an unforgivable sin. But what could it be, and why had she been able to go on for over 250 years carrying that burden? What had changed? But deep in her heart, she knew.
“Oskar, I want to stop.”
“Stop what, Eli?”
“I want to stop aging. I don’t want to get any older.”
“But why, Eli? Don’t you want to grow up with Hannah? And Jason?”
“I can’t, Oskar! It’s almost too late already. The older I get, the more unbearable my past is to me. No matter how much I do for my victim’s families, it’ll never be enough! When I was 12, I was stupid enough to believe it would make a difference. But now? We hardly even knew Jeff, and his death was almost unbearable; more so because it was because of me! And your poor mother! Just imagine how she felt when you disappeared and she thought you were dead!” Her eyes sparkled with her tears. “And I caused thousands of people to suffer just like that, just so I could live. And it hurts worse every day I get older! I have to stop!”
“Then I’ll stop too, Eli.” He took her in his arms and rested his head on her shoulder. He could feel her trembling.
“What if it’s too late, Oskar? What if I’m too old already?”
“You can’t vote yet, Eli. You’re only fourteen. Not an adult yet.”
“You’re saying it’ll get worse?”
“Or better. Perhaps there’s a reason why we’re not allowed to vote yet.”
“I can’t take the chance, Oskar.”
“Then we’ll talk to Mom and Dad tomorrow. They may try to talk you out of it, but you know they won’t stand in your way if they can’t.”
“But what do you want, Oskar? Why don’t you ever…”
“I don’t care, Eli. Don’t you understand that yet?”
“But you must have an opinion!”
“No. Actually I don’t. I was happy when we were 12 and you were a vampire. I’m happy now. I’d be happy if we grew up together. As long as you’re here with me, I’ll be just fine.” He smiled at her. “It sounds sort of…stupid doesn’t it? Kind of like I don’t have a mind of my own, and worship you or something.”
“Yeah, it does, Oskar. Do you?”
“Do you remember when Dad told us that happiness wasn’t a destination; it was a method of traveling?”
“Yeah, or something like that.”
“You are my method of traveling, Eli. I don’t really care where we’re going.”
“You can still say that in spite of …what I did to you today? You weren’t too happy then, as I recall.” Nor was I.
“At the end, I was. I had you back.” He paused, “But no one’s happy all the time. I’ll take what I can get.” He grinned at her. But still, he was afraid; afraid of that lingering darkness that could still force itself between them, personified by that cold, distant voice he first heard in the courtyard in Blackeberg, when Elias first told him, “I can't be friends with you. Just so you know.”
§
Then I’ll stop too, Hannah thought to herself. I’ll not leave her behind. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop; it had just happened. Her bed was no more than 20 feet from Eli’s. Not hearing her was almost impossible; especially when emotions were running so high. She had finally given up trying.
She thought about what it would mean to stay 14 forever. Jason would grow up without her, and Mom and Dad might be disappointed that she would never give them grandchildren. The only lasting friends she would ever have would be Oskar and Eli, because no other child her age could ever understand what she had already become. And it would be worse the longer she lived.
She also knew it was a one-way street. Jack had told her that, once the injection had been given, there was no going back. She would never be able to grow up. There was no ‘antidote’ for the aging vaccine.
On the other hand, she remembered what she had seen in the meadow the night that Oskar rescued her from her dream. She knew if she stayed young with Eli, that future could never happen – and she suddenly felt relieved. It was as though some great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. But in spite of the relief, there was a great sadness too, as though she had simultaneously suffered a great loss. She shrugged it off. It was too unsettling to think about. I’m too young! I just can’t seem to work it out…
But still she was conflicted. If she followed through with her plan, Eli would no longer need to stay 14 forever. But on the other hand, perhaps it wasn’t her place to try to heal Eli. It had worked when Oskar healed her scars, but hers were fresh from mere hours before. And she had been a willing participant. In this case, she would be forcing herself into Eli’s distant past, uninvited. There could be things there that Eli wouldn’t want her to see. No, perhaps it would be better this way…
Hannah? Why are you still awake?
Sava! I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.
Would you do me a favor, Hannah? I need to…go for a walk. Would you watch over them and let me know if anything unexpected happens?
Sure! I’ll let you know right away, Sava. Well, at least now she didn’t have to feel guilty spying on them. She flopped back on her bed, hands behind her head, and listened to their dreams as they dozed off together.
§
Sava walked slowly along White Road, his hunger raging. He stepped past the streetlamp near the corner of the warehouse and walked up the short walkway to his home behind the Archaeogenetics building. He hadn’t eaten since Eli disappeared. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until he had those few minutes to himself after he had seen Oskar and Eli to her room, and had finally settled down with his book.
He opened his refrigerator, unclamped a couple of bags, and sat down at his small kitchen table. I should fix the place up a bit, he thought to himself. No one would feel comfortable coming here, and I really need to get used to having people over, if only the children. Maybe a few pictures, a lamp or two, a bookcase for all my books, and I really need to get that portrait hung. He looked at the beautiful painting of Eli that Gudmund had left him after his death, which still rested against the living room wall, obscuring most of it. Perhaps I’ll hang it in my bedroom. My bedroom. He smiled to himself. It had been one of many concessions to Eli, who had insisted that he needed one, and made sure Jonathan had included it in the original design of his quarters. So much yet to do! He wondered how mere mortals had the time in their short lives to ever get half the things done that needed doing. He felt he was still behind after more than 300 years, and getting even further behind the longer he lived. He sighed, then grabbed his empty bags and tossed them in the biohazard container under the sink.
He was surprised to see there was already an empty bag there. Where on earth…? He picked it up and examined it carefully. It was indeed one of his but there were dirty fingerprints on it, and smears of…blood?! He leaned closer, pressed his nose against it, breathed in slowly, and recognized the blood’s ancient origins immediately. The odor brought back vivid memories of the past – of rats and old wine cellars – memories only a long-forgotten smell can awaken. By examining the extent of clotting in the residue at the bottom of the bag, he estimated it had been at room temperature and exposed to the air for at least 18 hours. He carefully moved the container to the side and examined the floor. There was nothing. He got down on his hands and knees and pressed his nose to the carpet, working his way towards the front door and out on the walkway, where he lost the scent. He stood and scanned the ground carefully, spotted the slight indentations still visible in the dry grass, and followed them slowly to the road, where he lost the trail again. He backtracked, then realized there were actually two trails here; one coming and one going. He crossed the road, moved carefully back and forth across the low earthen and rock seawall, scanning the ground carefully.
There! He crouched down next to a small smear of blood on a sharp, half-buried rock, and confirmed what he already suspected: The trail was in a direct line toward, or away from his house. On his hands and knees, he carefully moved 50 feet towards the village, then backtracked 50 feet from the bloody rock toward the compound, satisfying himself that only one trail continued on this side of the road. He stood up, looked in the projected direction of the remaining trail down toward the water’s edge and immediately spotted a small skiff, half-hidden behind one of the large boulders laid down in the shallows to break up the waves – the battery-powered skiff normally tied up on arrowhead island for use on weekends for fishing. What was it doing here? After confirming the presence of more blood on the small electric outboard, he quickly unfurled his wings and headed for the island.
After circling cautiously twice over the boathouse, he landed lightly on the small dock, glanced back across the bay towards the village lights, then turned and followed the small drops of blood along the dock toward the shore. They gradually increased in size and frequency the further away from the dock he got, until the trail suddenly turned and bore almost straight up the steep cliff on the north side of the island at the tip of the arrowhead. Here, there was bent grass and several broken shrubs surrounding a large bloody stain in the dirt. He winced, and moved swiftly up the cliff, still unsure of what had happened here, but dreading what he might find at the end of the trail – or the beginning of it, if his theory was correct.
He half-climbed and half-flew his way up the last 50 feet until, just below the tip of the huge rock monolith that marked the highest point on the island, his worst fears were confirmed. The ragged rock wall looked as though someone had slaughtered a goat here. There were clotted strands of black hair clinging to the jagged rocks and blood spatter splaying out in all directions from what was clearly the point of impact. From his perch three feet away, he could clearly see the route that poor Eli’s body had taken in its fall down the steep cliff to the muddy path below.
§
Sava sat for a long time high atop the crest of the arrowhead, trying to imagine what it must have been like for her, but at the same time he realized that, if she hadn’t struck the rock face, she would have made it out to sea past Phoenix Island and drowned. Her visit to the island the night before had clearly been an unscheduled one. But her misfortune, caused directly by her new weakness, had been their good fortune in the end. And to him, it proved that her karma had finally shifted. What were the odds that she would strike the only spot on this small island high enough to interrupt her flight, and force her to change her plans? It was almost as if fate had snatched her out of the sky and given Oskar one last chance to save her. And save her he had, at least for the time being. And thanks to Hannah, I was there to make sure she wouldn’t get away no matter what the outcome. How could anyone argue against the power of Eli’s karma now?
He unfurled his wings, dropped lazily off the cliff and glided silently across the bay toward the compound. He landed gently on the emerald green grass next to their back porch and went swiftly up the stairs. He hesitated for a moment outside her door, then opened it quietly and stepped inside. He knelt down next to her bed and kissed her gently on the forehead. This one is for you, dear Gudmund. He kissed her again, then rose up, closed the door quietly behind him and resumed his reading.
Thank you Hannah. Thank you for…everything.
You’re welcome, Sava. They were asleep the whole time. They didn’t even know you were gone.
Sava decided that tomorrow would be soon enough to tell them what he had found.
§
Mama and Papa were already seated at the table when Oskar, lured by the smell of cooking bangers and scrambled eggs, shook Eli awake, waited impatiently for her to put on her slippers, then dragged her down the stairs to the kitchen.
Good morning, Eli. Oskar?” Elaine looked at him, eyebrows raised.
“She promised, Mom. She promised to stay.” He pulled Eli’s chair out for her, then sat down beside her and squeezed her hand.
“Have you decided yet, Eli?” Papa poured her a cup of tea.
“Decided what, Papa?” she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
“Have you decided what you are going to do to make this right?”
Before Eli could respond, Sava came in and sat down next to Papa, and Hannah rushed in the kitchen door and plopped down next to her. Papa filled Hannah’s fairy cup with tea, and put the cream pitcher in front of her.
“I can’t, Papa! I can’t make it right. I know I’ve hurt you all, and I can’t undo it. I’m so sorry!”
“You misunderstood me, Eli,” he said softly. “What can we do to help you make this right with yourself? Your Mama and I know you would never have done such a thing without a compelling reason. And Sava has given us your reasons; reasons which he and your Mama understand far better than I ever could.”
“Oh, Papa! I can’t grow any older! Getting older has made my past unbearable to me. I want to take the vaccine. Oskar has already agreed to take it too.”
“I don’t understand, Eli. You made this decision two years ago. What’s changed?”
“Papa, two years ago I made the decision to become Human. Growing older was just a part of that; and a part I considered far less important. Except for growing up with my soul mate of course.” She smiled at Hannah.
“That’s all well and good, Eli. But you know Oskar will do almost anything you want him to do. It’s his sweet nature. And because of that, and that alone, you need to give this a lot more thought,” Elaine cautioned. “You need to think about what’s best for him, too, since he seldom sees fit to give it much thought where you’re concerned.”
“I’ve decided I’m going to get the shot too, Mrs. Dawson. I’m going to stay young with Eli and Oskar.”
“Really, Hannah? You’d do that?” Eli was caught completely by surprise. She was ashamed she hadn’t taken the time to even think about how her decision would affect Hannah until just now.
Elaine shook her head sadly. “You see what happens when you acquire a family, Eli? Your future is no longer your own. Everything you do affects those closest to you. Do you really want to be responsible for forever altering Hannah’s future, as well as Oskar’s? Not to mention the effect Hannah’s decision will have on Jason and her parents. In fact, I would be very surprised if her parents allowed it at all. She’s still underage, you know. As are both you and Oskar.”
“Mom! You and Dad wouldn’t really stop Eli or me from doing this, would you?” Oskar asked.
“No, no, Oskar. Your mother never said that. She just wanted to remind you both that you are, despite your years, still only 14, and need to take your physical immaturity into account when you make such monumental decisions,” Papa admonished him. “And Hannah doesn’t have the advantage of your life experiences to help her make her decision. She really is only 14 years old.”
“But Mr. Dawson! Eli’s my soul mate! I simply won’t leave her behind! We’d grow apart, and I couldn’t stand that!”
“I’m sorry, Hannah. But you know I’m right. Your parents will never allow it,” Elaine said softly. She moved swiftly around the table, crouched down and put her arms around Eli. “You must know that you have more than earned the right to make this decision for yourself. Your Papa and I would never stand in your way. All we ask is that you think hard about it before you do anything you can’t undo. For Oskar’s sake, Eli. You should know we won’t stop him from doing this either.” She hesitated. “We don’t have the right.” She said, softly.
They don’t have the right!? Oskar thought about those early years when Papa had selflessly taken care of them at the risk of destroying his career, essentially saving their lives, or at least saving them from having to continue down that dark road that, nonetheless, had finally brought Eli to despair. He and he alone was responsible for most of what they had now. And Mom? Eli’s dear Mama, who had been fully prepared to die for them that night she first met Gudmund by driving her car into a brick wall at high speed, killing them both? And who almost died defending them against The Four? Eli, we can’t do this without Mama’s and Papa’s blessing, no matter what they say! We simply can’t! He flooded her mind with all the years of support, love, understanding and devotion they had both given them all these years, never asking for anything in return. Eli, please…
So! You do have an opinion after all, Oskar. In spite of the dilemma Oskar’s change of heart presented to her, she was oddly relieved – not because she believed she was wrong, but because Oskar finally believed he was right. As difficult as it was for her, she simply had to give in. “Okay, Mama. Okay, Papa. I’ll…we’ll wait. Until you tell us we, as Oskar puts it, ‘have your blessing.’”
“Oskar, you continually surprise me!” Elaine smiled at him, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Thank you!
Oskar blushed, “You’re…welcome, Mom.”
Hannah’s latest rationale for not interfering, in contrast to what she had first intended to do, seemed contrived now. Her fears of her future notwithstanding, she was going to fix this, no matter what the future had in store for her.