Chapter 24: The Decision

The lawyer closed his briefcase decisively, and got up from the table. “Are there any other questions?”

“No, I think we’re fine. You’ve done an excellent job summarizing the trust and your detailed breakdowns are quite clear.” Richard said.

“Well, if anything comes up, just give me a call. You have my card.” He smiled at Oskar and Eli. “Mr. Törnkvist thought the world of you two. He worked on this trust with me for at least three years before his…accident. I wish you both the very best. I was his lawyer for many, many years and he was at his happiest when dealing with the trust.”

Elaine showed him to the door as Oskar and Eli looked over their individual packets with Papa.

“Well, children. What are you going to do with all this new wealth? Any ideas?”

“Some of mine’s going to as many of the families I … hurt as I can find,” Eli said decisively. “Remember when we talked about this, Papa? That’s what I want to do. Will you help me?”

“Of course, Eli. I promised you I would. And it certainly doesn’t have to wait. We’ve got a nice start on it with the lists you’ve already given me. Oskar?”

“I want to give some to my Mom and Dad. I still care about them; especially my Mom. She really tried, you know.”

Elaine sat down with them. “That’s really thoughtful of you, Oskar, and I agree. She did. Your dad and I will look into it for you.”

“And the rest, I want Eli to have – or you and Dad.” He really didn’t want the money; it just put pressure on him, and he wasn’t an adult; he didn’t need it. Outside of a new computer, video games, or books, he had no idea how to spend that much money. Maybe a new TV for Mom and Dad? He knew they wouldn’t buy one themselves.

“No, Oskar. It’s yours. But you don’t have to spend it; just put it away and use it when you think of something to do with it,” Eli said.

“I think you’ll be surprised at how quickly things will occur to you, Oskar.” Elaine said. “You’ve got a good heart.”

“Well, first things first.” Let’s see what this first box holds for you.” Papa handed Eli the small box that Gudmund’s lawyer had indicated she could open at any time. Eli hesitated a moment, then gingerly unwrapped the box, and removed a small, black velvet jewelry box. She opened it carefully, and immediately recognized the stone from Gudmund’s wife’s wedding ring, although the setting seemed different. There was a note inside.

Eli read it aloud. “Eli and Oskar. This gift is in response to one of my last, clear views of your collective future, and it came quickly after my fascinating visit with you both. The stone you will recognize, but the setting is your own, Eli. I saw it clearly as Oskar slipped it on your finger on your wedding day. I’ll say no more, lest I say more than I should. I’ll only add that it was a view of a ‘Stable Future.’ You were the driving force in my life, the one decent excuse I had to keep on living. I can never repay you for that.” Eli felt a deep sadness. She knew he had died at his own hand, but couldn’t fully understand why. Perhaps if she were older…

“But this looks like an engagement ring, Mom. Where’s the wedding ring?” Oskar asked.

“Oskar, engagement rings didn’t become popular until near the end of the 19th century, long after Gudmund got married. This was all there was back then.”

“Isn’t Gudmund assuming a lot?” Papa asked, grinning. “Oskar hasn’t even proposed to Eli yet.”

“We’re just kids!” Oskar said, turning red. He knew he was old enough in real years, so he could really marry Eli if he wanted to – and Eli, of course was plenty old enough, but marriage? It seemed like something that only older people did to prove that they loved each other. Eli and I don’t need it.

He could feel her smiling at him.

“Well, he didn’t say that I couldn’t try it on.” Elaine slipped it on her finger and held it out so everyone could see it. “It’s absolutely beautiful!! What do you think, Rich? Should we make one to match it for our wedding?” She quickly took it off and put it back in the box.

“Too late, Elaine. The wheels are already in motion after your dramatic proposal in the tub the other day.” He winked at her.

“Why Rich! I didn’t think you had remembered, with all the excitement of the day.”

“That…I wouldn’t forget.” He kissed her on the cheek. “And you better get used to the idea too, Oskar. You know Gudmund’s batting average on his predictions.” Oskar turned red again.

“What about all these presents, Papa? What do you suppose that means?”

“I don’t know Eli. All I know is that for the next nine years, each of you will receive a special gift from the trust on your birthdays. At the end of that time, the remainder of the estate will be given to you both, which, I understand, includes a castle in Romania.”

“You’re making that up!!”

“Am I, now?” His eyes twinkled. “We’ll see…”

§

He really hadn’t wanted to go to the lab today, but he was getting more and more uneasy about the direction their latest tests seemed to be heading. Elaine had sensed the tension and had insisted on coming with him. “Rich, how many times have you run the test? Often enough to be sure?”

“Yes, but I ran it again anyway. It’s too damned important to take any chances at all that we’re wrong. With you, it doesn’t matter. You’ve made your choice willingly, as an adult, with your eyes wide open. Eli, on the other hand, is in a lose-lose situation. She’s too young to make this new, more difficult choice maturely, and will never be mature enough until eight or ten years after she’s made it. And then it will be too late, it she decides as an adult that it was the wrong choice.”

He flipped on the computer, waited impatiently for it to boot up, selected the DNA sequencing software and rapidly typed in the now-familiar series of commands. As soon as the results appeared on the screen, he hit the ‘print’ button, walked over to the lab printer and grabbed the summary sheet, not waiting for the detailed report that followed.

Richard shook his head as he checked and rechecked the printout. “Elaine, you need to see this.”

She stepped over to his desk and looked over his shoulder. “The results are the same?”

He nodded. “How are we going to tell Eli? Her decision is becoming difficult enough for her without this. This makes your promise to her moot and her own decision much more important. On the other hand, it makes perfect sense."

“And it’s certainly an unexpected side-effect of the cure. In fact, in the long run, this solves the fear factor in the eventual outing of Eli as a vampire if she chooses to remain one. And, consequently, gives her two more reasons to do so. I don’t like it at all! I know it was my idea to run this test, but I certainly wish we hadn’t now.”

Richard looked again at the ten Petri dishes he had carefully removed from the incubator. Five had the familiar lemon-yellow growth they had come to expect all these years when growing their vampire-infected cultures; the other five were dirty white. No sign of infected growth whatsoever. He placed an infected dish on the sunlit windowsill and watched matter-of-factly as it burst into flames and quickly burned itself out. They would discuss this with Eli and Oskar this evening. He carefully locked up the samples, put their results in his briefcase, and walked with Elaine to the elevator.

§

As soon as Oskar and Eli were seated, Elaine stood up at the end of the table; her voice was solemn. “Eli, we have something to tell you about the antidote. Your Papa and I just confirmed it today. I misspoke when I offered to let you reinfect me. I’m afraid it’s not possible.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“It turns out that the antidote is also a vaccination. Once injected, you become immune to the bite of a vampire.”

“But…how do you know?”

Papa took over. “We’ve run tests on four different cultures. The results are the same for all. Of course we can’t be sure it’s permanent, but the mechanism for immunity seems to suggest it. The switch that activates the infection isn’t just turned off as you and I originally thought; it’s actually gone from the strand. Consequently, the vampire segment is, for all practical purposes, isolated from the rest of the immunized strand. It has essentially become ‘junk’ DNA. As soon as the original unmodified strand is reintroduced via a vampire’s bite for example, it folds itself into its twin and the switch breaks away as though cut off with a knife. It’s actually a very effective process and could lead to new methods for developing vaccines in the future.” He watched for Eli’s reaction carefully, but she was unreadable.

“So that means that if I decide on the antidote, there’s no changing my mind?” her voice was even; emotionless.

“Yes, Eli. That’s exactly what it means.”

Eli looked at Elaine and smiled. I …I guess you won’t have to worry now that I might want you back.”

“Who was worried? I told you it was your call, and I meant it.”

Eli paused a moment, then stood up abruptly. “You’re right, Oskar, I need to break it off with Hannah as soon as possible. It’s not fair to her and I’m not going to lie to her anymore. I’m not doing this. I’ll just have to give her up, just like we did Jack and Henry.” Her voice was cold and hard.

“I’m so sorry, Butterfly! I didn’t imagine that this would be the outcome…”

“It’s okay, Mom. I’m not mad at you; you didn’t know. It’s not your fault. I just can’t do this! I’ll stay the way I am, with Oskar.” She put her arm around him.

“Eli, you need to think this over more carefully. I know this is a shock, but it doesn’t change things as much as you think. DNA research is still in its infancy. Someday we may be able to…at least restore some of your abilities. Remember, they’re still locked in your DNA, and we have plenty of samples of your unaffected blood.” Dawson realized that the decision was ultimately hers, but he wanted to make sure she had examined all the possible outcomes.

“And Oskar told me about your fears of growing up with him and all that entails, including his sexual maturity and your fears as to how to deal with it. You have to know that there are options.”

Eli sat down again and looked at him questioningly. She hadn’t realized that Papa had given this much thought. To her it had always been something between Oskar and herself; an unsolvable problem if they grew up together. Unsolvable because she had nothing more she could give him that would bring them closer together as he became a man without degrading and demeaning herself. 200 years of experience with her occasional ‘helpers’ had taught her that much. There had always been a dark ending; usually fatal, as their increasing demands drove her deeper into herself and her loneliness. She had never managed to stick it out with any of them for more than a few years, so acquiring them had always been a last resort. The darkness of what she was didn’t mix well with their own. Hakan had only been the last, but by no means the worst of them.

“Eli, if you are sure you want to be a girl, there are estrogen treatments we can give you once you take the antidote. You are at exactly the right age for these. You will, for all practical purposes, become a girl. You will look and feel like a girl, even more than you already do, and effectively be a woman when you grow up. The moment you are given the antidote, you become treatable, a clean slate sexually. You will be what you want to be, unambiguously. And when you finally take the aging vaccine, you will be locked in forever as a woman, and you and Oskar can continue the relationship you’ve always had. And who knows what the future holds? At some point, we may even be able to…restore what you’ve lost by replacing it with the female equivalent.

Eli’s mouth opened. She had never considered it before, and all this time Papa had the answers. But would it be enough? In her experience, there was nothing pleasant at all about sexual contact. At best it was mechanical; at worst it made her feel like a toilet. Was it worth the risk? She didn’t think so. And she could tell by the look on Papa’s face that he sensed it.

“Eli, you are only 12, despite the centuries you have lived. You know this; we’ve discussed it many times before. That’s why what I’m going to tell you now is likely to be very difficult for you to understand. But you have to try, Eli. You have to try hard, because it’s so important in the context of the decision you have to make.”

“Have you given any thought to what your ‘immortality’ really means? What all our immortality means? It merely means that when any one of us dies, it will be because of an accident or an event outside our control. And it is virtually certain that it will happen. Forever is a long time. No one, not even a vampire can truly live forever. Planets die. Solar systems die. According to one of the latest theories, the Universe itself is dying. There is no such thing as immortality. Everything comes to an end. Some day, you and Oskar will be separated by death. It could be tomorrow, it could be in 10,000 years. But it will happen! And you have to understand this in order to appreciate what you have and what your choices are.”

“First and foremost, never forget; your longevity is a double-edged sword. If Oskar were to die, you could conceivably be alone again for longer than it took the continents to form. Perhaps even long after the sun has died and turned to dust. Likewise, if your mom or I were to die. Loneliness is part of all our lives; don’t ever think you’ve safely left it behind. Would you really want to go through those eons alone as a child? Examine your past.”

“You have to decide whether this great wealth of time you’ve been given should be spent as an eternal child, with your powers, or as an adult without them, and with all the ‘slings and arrows’ that result from adulthood. You are happy now, but the depths of your sorrow and likewise the heights of your happiness are limited by your age. There are so many things you will never be able to understand as a child. Do you want to spend your share of eternity handicapped by your youth? Or do you want to take a chance and develop your mind to its full potential? Just as you can’t explain to me the wonders of your enhanced senses, I can’t explain to you the maturity, insight and knowledge that come with age. You and I are each in our respective versions of Plato’s Cave. And you need to decide whether you want to remain shackled, head turned toward the wall watching the shadowy world of the other cave dwellers, or whether you should follow Hannah out of the cave into the adult world. One thing to remember, Eli, is that Elaine is the only one of us to have seen both caves. Perhaps she is better suited to give you advice. Please, talk to her.”

§

Eli and Elaine stood, backs against the wall in her studio, looking at their favorite painting, still on its easel. It was a huge canvas, still unframed because Elaine had been constantly adding new subtleties each time they visited the site, and Eli, under her close supervision, had begun to do the same. They had flown there countless times as the painting progressed and Elaine had gradually taught Eli how to really ‘see’ at night. It was amazing to her how Elaine could manipulate her eyes just as she reformed her claws; she was even more amazed at what she could see when she successfully mastered the ability herself. How could she not have discovered this herself after more than 200 years in the darkness? But she knew it was because of the artist in Elaine’s soul. A talent of which she only had enough to allow her to see the breathtaking beauty in what Elaine created. She wondered absently if this was because Elaine was an adult. Was this part of what Papa was trying to tell her? She shook her head slowly, as she realized the painting was finished, complete or not. The principal artist was blind.

They talked of many things; of what love is and what love expects. What is required to sustain love, and how Oskar’s love differed from Rich’s and her own. About how love and beauty are intertwined in complex patterns, each sustaining the other in so many beautiful and unpredictable ways. And Eli understood. Not all, but enough to give her a hint as to what her life could be like. But would it? Love can also be fragile after all, easily destroyed if not carefully tended to. Eli was afraid still.

§

The moon bathed Oskar’s room with light as they lay together in bed. They both loved it when the moon was so perfectly positioned in the night sky that it seemed to have selected them alone, of all the people in the world, to shine down on. As always, their love for each other was there in the background, just beneath the surface, like the steady sound of a breeze blowing through the trees, a sound she knew she would never hear again if they grew up together. She fiddled absently with a button on his pajamas. “Oskar? Why haven’t you fought me for what YOU want? It’s as though you don’t care. How can that be?”

He reached up and put his hand on her cheek. “Eli, I loved you way before we could think together. I left everything to come with you, with no regrets, all before my ‘talent.’ We got our first apartment together. I was there when you killed that man near our apartment after he hit me with his gun. I held you during your first nightmare in Karlstad. I was there when we first met Papa. I remember when you almost died saving my life from a stupid moose. And I remember our first flight together when you rescued me, how I saw through your eyes for the first time. For times like that one, I would miss it, but it means nothing to me without you. I suppose a part of me would like to grow up, just so we could have better control over our lives, and not have to hide what we are. But I’m not afraid. I know I would still love you in spite of your fears. That’s why my choice doesn’t matter. Yours is what is important.”

“Oskar, it’s almost as though my years of experience in the world have made me so much more unsure than you. I guess I’m not as old and wise as you think. How can you be so certain?”

“Because I know you. And I know what I feel. And I know why. And I know you are strong, but I still want to protect you, because … I couldn’t bear the thought of you being hurt.” He smiled at her. “And if you were cured, I could really do that, because then you could be hurt as easily as I could. I’d even have to be much more careful when we wrestle, because, after all, you’d just be a girl; especially if you took Dad’s estrogen treatments.”

She smiled at the thought, “But who’d protect you? I like being able to protect you. I’d be so afraid for you if I couldn’t do that anymore.”

“Dad’s done just fine without your powers. And so has everyone else we know for that matter. We don’t need ‘em – no offence. We especially don’t need what goes along with them.”

“You’re right Oskar, we don’t need…that.” She hugged him. It was still there, of course. She could always feel it lurking, waiting patiently for the right moment, be it from hunger, anger, or fear; the mindless beast that, once awakened, wrenched her life from her violently and did what it had to do before it crawled back into its cave, sated, oblivious to the price paid. She shuddered, put it out of her mind, and pressed her cheek against his.

They lay together a while drifting in and out of sleep, sharing in each others’ wispy dream fragments as they passed fleetingly between them.

Oskar?

What?! Oskar had just selected a promising dream and was going with it.

I think I’m going on a short flight.

Eli, I don’t think it’s a good idea, Papa…

I’m just going to Mom’s and my special place. You know it’s not dangerous.

He sighed, Okay, Eli. I’ll wait up for you. She sensed his concern, and reassured him.

She climbed out of bed and took off her pajama top, hesitated a moment, then stripped down completely. She climbed, naked, up on the windowsill and launched herself into the back yard, over the trees, and back up over the house. Oskar watched her go, then reached over, turned on his light and picked up his book. He stayed with her until she gradually faded away over central London.

§

She rose on the updraft until she reached that perfect height, and the bare essence of Elaine’s beautiful painting lay before her. Once, this beautiful vista would have been enough for her, as it was on their first flight together, but now…she gazed down at the city, Big Ben and Parliament on her right and the moonlit Thames snaking away into the distance. She gently adjusted her wings as Elaine had taught her, until she hung motionless in the air, perfectly balanced on the updraft.

Her pupils grew larger and more elongated as her rods and cones, at her direction, expanded their sensitivity upward into a different range of light frequencies, just as Elaine had taught her. She caught her breath as the transmission towers and power lines suddenly began to glow and the ethereal flames, bolts of lightning, and blasts of light leapt from them as though they were living breathing things. She watched them cascade and tumble together, some caroming off the clouds, others passing through them and disappearing into the night sky on their long journey across the universe in a multitude of brilliant colors. She watched as some of them projected flickering shadows of buildings against buildings and others passed through them as though they had no substance at all and disappeared into the Earth. She raised her eyes to the horizon, where each transmission tower randomly blazed and sparkled with its own signature colors and patterns, which dissipated randomly into the distant sky, twisting and turning as they bounced off the copper-clad steeples and gold-leafed domes of the city. The city had been transformed into a magnificent creature of light and energy, joyously casting off wave after wave of brilliant spears of light, lighting up the darkness around her.

She could almost feel them as they penetrated her body, leaving small glowing craters on her skin that faded rapidly from bright red to pale blue-gray and were immediately obscured by the next wave of kaleidoscopic needles of light, flashing and dancing over her iridescent moonlit body. She imagined that she could hear them pattering against her skin like a soft summer’s rain.

She remembered Elaine’s triumphant smile as her mouth opened in wonderment the first time she had successfully made the shift. She remembered watching, awestruck, as Elaine’s wings glowed and pulsed with color as the endless streams of energy pouring up from the city struck them, some bleeding and rippling into the deep velvety blackness; others passing through as though she weren’t there at all.

Her eyes shifted again, and she could see the ribbons of the normally invisible aurora twisting and turning in the starlit sky. She could almost hear the soft hissing as they folded and slid against one another.

And finally, the beautiful deep indigo, strangely quiet, but powerful solar wind, stretching out into the vastness of space as far as she could see, blowing through and past the Earth as though it had encountered nothing but a minor flaw in empty space, pounding against the earth’s magnetic field, which, in a blaze of yellow-orange light, bent and deformed against the relentless pressure of the great winds. The sheer power of the never-ending wind always made her feel small and insignificant as it rushed by, the only real thing in a world of her own imagination; a world without substance. The solid feel of the very Earth and the beautiful city beneath her dissolved away, and together they became the fairyland of Hannah’s imagination, bathed in that unearthly blue light, with Eli hovering above it all as the quintessential Fairy princess. She smiled at the thought, as the warm memories of Hannah and her soft sweetness and gentle humanity came back in a welcome rush; the only truly real thing in this intangible world.

She sighed as she dropped out of the sky and reluctantly headed for home.

§

She stood alone for several minutes looking at Elaine’s beautiful painting with its myriad colors and textures, a mere ghost of the reality of what they had shared together so many times; then she purposefully blended three carefully selected colors together on the palate to produce the one color she could see clearly in her mind’s eye. She dipped her small brush into the final mix and hesitantly brought it up to the canvas, to a small, insignificant area near a small tower just before the horizon. She delicately added a few brilliant but understated flashes of light, then stepped back and viewed the overall effect. She nodded to herself, cleaned and put away her brush and moved quietly up the stairs to Oskar’s room.

He looked up as she slipped in, moving silently and gracefully, pale white, a fairy, bathed in the moonlight. He smiled at her, slid quietly out of bed and gently put his arms around her. “You’ve decided! Oh, Eli, you’ve decided!” She smiled back as she slipped into her pajamas and kissed him lightly on the forehead.

“And it’s the right decision, Oskar! I know it!” She took his hand and pulled him gently toward the door. “Let’s go tell Papa.”

Oskar and Eli walked slowly hand-in-hand down the hall, barefooted, to their father’s room; to her dear Papa’s room, and knocked lightly on the door.

END