Chapter 23: The Sacrifice

Elaine paced back and forth. “How could I have been so stupid! Rich, why didn’t you warn me?”

“I had no idea! It’s hard to put yourself in the mind of a child who’s a vampire, let alone a child who’s been a vampire for so long that she can’t remember what it was like to be human. How terrifying all this must have been for her! A part of her had to have felt as though she was being railroaded into this.”

“To Eli, it looks like I’ve deliberately rejected most of what she now holds dear and all the good things about her, and embraced what seems to her to be a severely handicapped existence. Loathing what I was means loathing what she still is; what she’s been for 99% of her life. My God! How could I have been so stupid! I spent so much time talking about what we would gain that I didn’t remember what she would lose. And with me in her life the last 14 years, I’ve inadvertently added significantly to what she will lose. Damn it! How can I ever make this right with her?”

“Give her a little time. Perhaps Oskar can help also.”

“No, we’re going to have to get used to doing this without Oskar’s ability. It may soon be gone so we can’t count on it in the future. No, I have to do this myself.”

She thought hard for a moment, then, “Rich? There’s something I feel I absolutely have to do for Eli, but you have a big investment in it too. I need to have your approval for this.” They walked out into the back yard, and stood under the trees at the back fence, talking quietly. Finally Richard nodded, and together they moved back toward the house.

Oskar watched them from Eli’s window. “Eli, what are they doing out there?”

She stepped up beside him, but remained quiet. Oskar didn’t have any idea what to do any more. He had worked hard just to convince her to let him tell Mom and Dad how she felt. How could they respond if they had no idea what was bothering her? She owed it to them to let them know, he had argued. That had done it, and she had softened enough to allow him tell them; but only if he did it out loud. No telepathy.

There was a knock at the door, “May I come in,” Elaine asked softly.

“No!” Eli sat down at her table and continued reassembling her white egg.

“Eli, please,” Oskar pleaded. “You don’t have to say anything. Just listen. Please? What could it hurt?”

She sighed. “You can come in.” she mumbled.

Elaine opened the door slowly, “Oskar? Would you mind…”

Oskar gave Eli an encouraging smile as he headed for his room. He knew that he would be with her anyway. Eli, please give her a chance.

Elaine sat down at the table, searching her mind for the right words. “Eli, I want to apologize to you. Not for enthusiastically embracing my inoculation, but for not explaining it to you adequately. Do you really understand why I didn’t want to marry your Papa while I was still a vampire.”

“I don’t care!” Eli looked at her, stony-faced.

“Yes, you do. Why else would you be angry with me? At least grant me the courtesy of an answer to a simple question. Is that asking too much?”

“Because you hated being a vampire. You didn’t want Papa to be married to a vampire.” She said coldly.

“No, Eli. It was because of how I became a vampire – because of who made me a vampire. I didn’t want any part of the Other One in my life. I didn’t want his infection coursing through my veins in my happiest moments with your Papa. I love him too much for that. I couldn’t bear the thought.” She looked Eli straight in the eyes. “If I had been infected by you, I would have married him 15 years ago, vampire or not.”

Eli smiled in spite of herself.

Elaine reached across the table and took her hand. “Eli, I love you. You’re the reason I’m here with your wonderful family. You saved my life. There’s a special place in my heart for all our nights together painting, flying, and just talking. You’re the light of my life. How could I ever hate anything about you?” She stood up and went over to Eli’s memorial to Gudmund. “This is the beginning of one of the happiest nights of my life.” She picked up Gudmund’s photo of Eli and herself lifting off on their first flight together. “I was aching to share my art with someone who could appreciate it and when you loved it as much as I, so much so that we forgot the time, I fell in love with you. And I’ve loved you ever since.”

“That’s … that’s when you called me ‘Butterfly’ for the first time.”

“Because you’re my Butterfly, and you’ll always be my Butterfly, like it or not.” She smiled at her. “You were so sweet when you were trying to keep up with me, and trying so hard not to reveal how hard it was for you.” She went over and put her arms around her. “Eli, that was just the beginning. You have always been my advocate. From the first night we met to the night I came to say goodbye to you all, you fought for me. I wouldn’t have stayed that night if it hadn’t been for you. I owe you my life. Did you think I had forgotten? I remember you falling asleep in my arms that first night, and I carried you, purring, into Oskar’s room and put you to bed. And I remember kissing you goodnight for the first time. And the thousands of times after that. You are an indispensable part of my life. And I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

She sat down at the table next to Eli, “If you decide to get the inoculation, I’ll miss your wings too. But remember, if you decide to stay as you are, your papa and I support you. This is your choice. You’ve spent 250 years earning the right to that choice.”

“I can’t do it! It would be like if Oskar poked out one of his eyes, cut off one of his legs and punctured one of his eardrums. And all he got for it was a walk in the sun and a bowl of soup.”

Elaine smiled at Eli’s graphic description of her sense of the differences between herself and a human. To her, it was reality. She had lived with the benefits of her disease for so long they were an integral part of her. In her eyes, the inoculation would be a step down the evolutionary ladder. The downside of her condition had been mitigated for 17 years by her papa’s resourcefulness. She had a permanent place to stay, a stable food supply and people around her who loved her. The inherent instability and darkness of a vampire’s life had been removed from the equation. And Eli had forgotten. But Elaine knew there was more to it than that.

“Eli, what are you really afraid of?”

Eli got up and went over to her window. Papa was busy in the backyard scooping leaves out of the pool, but she saw the worried look on his face as he glanced up and spotted her in the window. She smiled at him as she thought about what a sweet, gentle, loving man he was and wondered at all the sacrifices he had made for her all these years, expecting nothing in return. “I don’t want to be alone,” she said softly. “And I’ll be alone! I can’t talk to you anymore. And you can’t talk to me! When we were together at night, you just touched me and I saw what you saw and felt what you felt. That’s gone now along with all the beautiful things that only we could see.” Her voice faltered, “When Oskar and I are lying in bed together at night, we think each other to sleep. That’ll be gone too. When I want to tell Papa how much I love him, all I have to do is kiss him and he sees. He’ll never see it again!” She turned toward Elaine with tears in her eyes. “I miss you so, Mama! I miss your thoughts, I miss your eyes and I miss your beautiful wings.”

Elaine took her in her arms. “I’m sorry, Butterfly.” She sat down on the bed and pulled Eli down next to her. “I should have considered your feelings when I made my choice. I’m so sorry! I lost sight of the sweet child in you because your strengths are so extraordinary.”

She took Eli’s face in her hands. “If you wish it, I will become a vampire again, but there’s a condition. The infection has to be yours, and you have to infect me yourself.” She paused for a moment, “Your papa and I have discussed this at length, and he has agreed.”

Eli looked up at her wide-eyed. “You would really do that? Papa would let you do that?”

“The thought of a part of you coursing through my veins is an altogether different matter. It would sort of mean that we were related by blood.” She smiled at her. “And, yes, your Papa is okay with it.”

“I…I couldn’t!”

“But I thought it was what you wanted. And remember, it would be given and accepted with love.”

“But…I can’t! I could never do that to anyone!” She thought about her pact with Oskar.

Elaine smiled at her, “The offer stands. There’s no expiration date on it.”

“But my infection is worse than yours! Look who infected me! And why!”

“Eli, you own your infection now. You’ve learned to live with it in quite innovative ways. Your careful, measured use of it to save Hannah proves that you are the one in control when it counts the most. I would consider it an honor to be infected by you.”

Eli got a twinkle in her eye and kissed Elaine on the neck, “Just practicing,” she giggled.

Elaine kissed her on the mouth. I mean this Eli, with all my heart. It’s your call.

Oh Mama! I can hear you!

“It’s your talent now, Eli. Not mine. I’m handicapped now, remember?”

“Thanks, Mom. I’ll try to take good care of you, in spite of your weakness … and blindness…and deafness … and winglessness. You poor defenseless creature.” She patted her on the back.

“Remember, Eli. No expiration date.” She stood up, still holding Eli’s hand. “Am I forgiven for my stupidity?”

“Yes, Mama. I love you so much.”

“And I know that, Eli. And I’ll know it always. And I’ll know it even if I can’t hear you any more. And for the same reasons, you will know that I love you. We poor humans just have to remind each other of it a bit more often.”

§

“Did she accept your offer?” Richard asked.

“Of course not! She instinctively knows what the infection really means. And it’s not a decision she would ever make lightly because selfishness is not one of her flaws. But she did make me realize what I had really given up to get here.”

“Well, I was kind of hoping she would have already reinfected you. You were kind of exciting as a vampire. Now you’re just … normal. I’m going to miss our flights together too.” He smiled at her mischievously.

“Why, Rich! You continually surprise me! Maybe I’ll go have a quick talk with Eli…”

“Don’t you dare! You’re unpredictable enough as it is. And as a willing vampire you would become insufferable. I’d have no choice but to let Eli infect me too.”

“Now, that’s something I would like to see!” They laughed together. But Elaine knew that was an impossibility. Not that she would even want it for him; she loved him exactly as he was, but she knew it would destroy him. There were some people in the world that simply could not survive for long, close to such evil. Richard was one; Oskar was another. Sweet Oskar! Eli didn’t know it, but she had almost lost him that morning they sat watching as the Other One burned. Elaine had seen it herself in one of Oskar’s unguarded moments, in a dark place deep in his soul.

§

“What about Hannah, Eli?” Oskar asked, “She’s going to grow up and you won’t. You’ll lose her forever.”

“I know, Oskar! I know!”

“In fact, we’ll have to keep you a secret. She can’t know what you are.”

“Why? Why not?”

“Because she’d eventually tell her parents, and her parents wouldn’t allow you to ever see her again, even if they didn’t believe her, that’s why. We never told Jack and Henry or their mom for the same reason. Mom explained it all to us, remember? And they grew up without us.” Oskar relived the pain he had almost forgotten. They had stayed friends, but it was different. Their interests grew apart and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Other than Eli, they were the only real friends he had ever had. He was acutely aware of the fact that, if Eli didn’t go through the cure, they would probably be the last.

“And when she gets older, do you think she’ll be content to believe you’re a fairy? She’ll ask you questions you won’t be able to answer.” Oskar realized he was being cruel, and he didn’t understand why he was doing it. But he couldn’t stop himself. “You’ll have to end the friendship soon, so she’ll forget about you. In fact, you probably shouldn’t see her anymore.”

Eli had tears in her eyes. “But Oskar, I …”

“Eli, you can’t have everything you want!” He turned and stormed out of the room, ran across the hall and plopped down on his bed. Why is that so hard for her to understand? I’ve understood it my whole life, and she’s 200 years older than me!

Oskar? Please don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry. I know it was hard for you with Jack and Henry. It was hard for me too. Eli hesitated as she stood in his doorway. For a moment she had a fleeting feeling that she couldn’t come in without him inviting her.

He rolled over and looked at her, “But we have a choice now, Eli. We can either do this, or not do it. We’ve never had a choice before. You’ll lose your ‘powers;’ I understand that. But you’ll also lose that thing in you that almost killed me while you were hibernating. Remember that?!”

“But it didn’t! I warned you!”

Oskar sighed, exasperated, “What’s the matter, Eli? Are you afraid to grow up with me? Are you afraid I’ll get too ‘grown up’ for you? Or that you’ll get too ‘grown up’ for me? Are you afraid that maybe I’ll want to have ‘sexual relations’ with you and you can’t have them with me? I’ve read all the books too, you know.”

“Oskar, I…Yes. I AM afraid. I’m afraid you won’t love me anymore. Look what almost happened to Hannah with those older boys. And I remember all the others before I met you. Where’s the love in what they want? And I know it won’t be your fault, but that’s what will happen. And I can’t bear the thought of you leaving me because of something I can’t help.”

“That can’t happen. How could I stop loving you because of something you can’t give me and that I’ve know almost since we met that you couldn’t give me? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Because you’re a boy, Oskar. When you’re…not a boy any more, you’ll understand. And then it’ll be too late.” She stepped through the wispy, ethereal barrier at his threshold, and sat down on the bed beside him. “I love Hannah! She’s a part of me; a part of my family! But I could stop seeing her; really I could! But I couldn’t bear losing you Oskar, especially not THAT way. If I lost you I would…” she buried her face in his chest, sobbing.

“You’ll never lose me, Eli. How could you think I’m like them? What would it take to make you understand that?” He pushed her away, “I’ll cut it off!! Then I’ll be like you. Will you trust me to grow up with you then?!” he shouted angrily.

She grabbed him and pulled him tightly up against her, “Don’t even say that! Don’t think that!”

“You say we should trust you because you can control your parasite. Yet you won’t trust me to control my…” he searched his memory for the right words, “‘sexual appetite.’”

“Oskar, I’m so sorry! You’re right; it’s not fair. And I do trust you! I’m so stupid. I just don’t like things to change, Oskar. We’re so happy now; I don’t want anything to go wrong.”

Oskar rubbed her back. “Nothing bad will happen no matter which choice you make Eli. I promise you.”

§

Hannah and Eli stood side by side looking in the mirror. “Do you think we can fool them Eli?” Hannah asked excitedly.

Eli smiled at her, “Oskar, never. Mom and Papa, maybe.” She knew Mom wouldn’t have been fooled before the cure, but now? She wasn’t sure. They walked down the stairs together, each in the other’s clothes.

“I bet I can fool Oskar, Eli.” Hannah’s eyes twinkled.

“It’s a bet!”

No sooner had they reached the bottom of the stairs, than Hannah rushed onto the back porch, grabbed Oskar and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back, kissed her on the cheek and waved at Eli, “Hi Hannah.”

Hannah reached up and pinched his cheek. “I’ve wanted to do that since Eli showed me your picture last weekend. You’re so cute!!”

“Oskar’s eyes got big as he let go of her quickly and stepped back. His face turned bright red.

“I told you Hannah! Look at his face!” Eli doubled over laughing.

Eli! I’ll get you for that.

You’ll have to be able to pick me out of a lineup first!

Oskar moved toward her quickly, just as she realized she couldn’t make it to either door without moving so fast that Hannah would notice. Oskar smiled at her as he realized she was his! He feigned a quick move to the left and grabbed her belt as she went right, sending her sprawling to the floor. He was on her in a flash, flipped her face up and tickled her mercilessly.

She squirmed and twisted, laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes. Oskar, no fair! I can’t fight back with Hannah watching.

Fair? Who said anything about being fair? Now I know why you want to stay a vampire. It’s because you’re afraid this might happen to you more often. “Say ‘Uncle!’”

“Never!”

“Say ‘Uncle’ or I’ll…” he slung his leg over her, straddled her, and reached for her neck with both hands, an evil grin on his face. Eli’s eyes got big. Oskar knew how ticklish she was around the neck. It was normally an unspoken ‘off limits’ area. But now…she could feel his fingers tentatively exploring her collarbone, posed for the final assault.

“Uncle! Uncle!”

Oskar threw his arms up triumphantly, as though he had just roped and tied off a calf, then jumped up and took a step toward Hannah.

“Please! Not me! Uncle!” she laughed as she held her arms out in front of her and backed away.

“You’re a guest and Eli’s blood sister. You get one free pass.” He bowed solemnly.

Eli scrambled to her feet quickly. “Papa? Be honest! Did Hannah fool you?”

“I’m afraid she did Eli. And your Mom too. Hannah, you’re three for three.”

“Boy, you owe me big time, Eli!” Hannah said, gleefully.

§

Only in the pool could Hannah be distinguished from Eli. She had a light tan that, next to Eli’s pale white skin, looked positively brown. With Hannah and Oskar, plus both Mom and Papa in the pool, it reminded Eli of the old days. They even threw the penny a few times.

The meal afterwards was very different for Eli. She slipped out and ate alone in the kitchen for the first time since Elaine was cured. It felt strange and a bit lonely though, as she watched them all talking and laughing on the porch.

Eli? Do you want me to come in with you?

No, Oskar. I’m fine. And she realized she really was. She could do this. She still had Oskar and would always have Oskar. She could stay a vampire forever if she wanted to. But there was Hannah. And all the other relatives that she now had, but could never really know unless…

§

“Eli? Can I ask you some questions?” It was after 11:00 before they had finally said ‘goodnight’ to Oskar, and climbed into Eli’s bed together.

“Sure!” Here it comes, Eli thought.

Be as honest as you can, Eli, Oskar thought to her encouragingly.

“I noticed that you didn’t eat here either, and that no one paid any attention.” She paused as Eli nodded. “Do they know your…secret? Do they all know?”

“Yes, they do, Hannah.”

“They all know you can fly?! Really?”

Eli smiled at her. “They’re my family. Of course they’d know.”

“Are you the only one?”

“…Yes.”

Her eyes lit up as something dawned on her, “Eli, did you fly to my house the night we first met?”

“What do you think?” Eli smiled at her.

“I think…yes! That would explain everything. I wondered how you could’ve gotten there so fast on the bus, once I knew where you lived.”

“You’re pretty smart, Hannah. Yes, and I flew around the neighborhood a few times first. That’s why I knew to tell your parents that I was staying near Old Finchleians.” They both got quiet as they relived that night.

“Eli? I wanted to thank you again for saving my life before. Both times.” She took Eli’s hand. “Do your mom and dad know what happened?”

“I told them everything. They think you were really brave.”

“I was scared to death! You were the one who was brave.”

“Hannah, you were willing to fall out of a tree with me, with your arms around my neck, just because I told you to trust me. You were willing to come down the tree and surrender yourself to those boys, just to save me. You could have been killed. I knew they couldn’t hurt me. I wasn’t brave at all.”

“Are you saying that fairies can’t be brave?” Hannah smiled at her.

Only when they decide to give up their powers, Oskar thought to her.

“Only when they decide to give up their powers, Hannah” Thanks for that, Oskar.

“But why would they do that?”

“So they can grow up.”

“You mean, kind of like the Lost Boys in Peter Pan?”

“Exactly like that!” Nothing like a soul mate to put things in perspective, she thought to herself. So which am I? Peter Pan, or a Lost Boy?

“Well, I’d hate it if you had to give up your powers, Eli. It would be kind of sad. You are so beautiful with your wings. But I’d be lonely if I had to grow up without you.”

“I’m not a fairy, Hannah. You know that, right?”

“I know, Eli. But I know you have to have given up something to be what you are. I just know it. That’s the way things work in the world of magic; and, I think, even in the real world. My dad always says you can’t get something for nothing.” She got a faraway look in her eyes. “I wonder what an Eli would have to give up in order to be so kind and beautiful, a wondrous winged creature…”

Oh Oskar, I don’t want to have to give up Hannah!

Eli, you’re going to have to decide soon which way you’re going to go. Everything depends on your decision. Hannah’s future with us depends on your decision.

I know, Oskar, I know. I have to think!