Changes and Memories

Johan opened the window.

'Hello. You two are early.'

It's not even completely dark yet.

'We had to leave in a hurry.'

The children rushed in; Johan noticed they were carrying backpacks, and wore dark glasses jackets, caps and gloves. As they stepped into the brightly lit room, he saw their faces were not just tanned, but red with sunburn. Then he saw the backs of their necks - burnt as if by fire.

'You two wait here.'

How do you treat burns like that? Disinfection and bandaging?

He rushed to the bathroom, where he kept the medical supplies, rummaging through drawers until he found bandages and disinfectant. He rushed back to his room.

Oskar saw what he was carrying.

'Johan, it's not going to get infected.'

Their skin had grown pale again. Johan checked the back of their necks. They were red, but no longer truly burnt. No doubt their skin would soon heal entirely.

'I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.'

He sat on the bed, sighed. Oskar examined him.

'Johan, how do we know we can trust you?'

'Why? You've drunk my blood.'

'Yes, but...'

Johan thought for a moment.

Eli's wiser than you, kid. Is she older, despite being smaller than you? How old are you two, anyway? How old really?

'Eli.'

She turned to face him.

'You were terrified after you attacked me. And again when you came here and needed my permission to leave. I've been thinking about it. You knew you couldn't fight me, because your claws and fangs don't work on me. You... you must be used to being strong, to having claws and fangs that work. I don't think you know how to fight like a normal person. And when you needed my permission to leave, you knew I could have done anything I wanted. You couldn't win a fight, you couldn't scream and call for help because of what you are, and anyway this is a basement. You couldn't even leave without my permission. And if I had killed you, I could've just disposed of the body with sunlight, you told me so yourself. You were more at my mercy than even a normal child chained up would be.'

For a moment, he saw a look on her face that he recognized - the look his sister had had whenever their mother had caught her red-handed doing something she wasn't supposed to. Then her expression became blank again.

'But I let you go.'

He turned to Oskar.

'That's your answer.'

Oskar stammered a little, as if embarrassed.

'Johan, we need a place to stay. At least until tomorrow night.'

'We need to talk about this.'

They did. But there was not much to discuss, beyond the type of shelter the children needed.

'So... I think you should be hidden during the day. Normally nobody comes here, but the landlord might if he needs to check the electricity meter or get the stuff he has in the storage room. Doesn't happen often, but I don't want to take any chances. So you two need to be out of sight, not just away from sunlight.'

'We can sleep under your bed,' said Eli.

'I guess that will work. Will it be dark enough with the curtains closed?'

Eli nodded.

Later that evening, while Eli was showering, Johan tried to engage Oskar in conversation.

'So what do you like to do for fun?'

'I like to read - comic books, regular books. And I like puzzles, though I'm not as good as Eli at them.'

'Does Eli like puzzles too? What kind?'

'Yes, he...'

'He?'

Oskar blushed a little.

'Eli is a boy. His real name is Elias.'

'Oh.'

'And I love him and I don't care what anyone thinks.'

Johan shrugged.

'Oskar, my sister liked girls. So I'm OK with that.'

'Liked? Did she change her mind?'

'She's dead.'

'Oh.'

'Oskar, does Eli... want to be a girl? I mean, because of the clothes...'

'I don't know. I've never asked.'

Johan nodded.

'How old are you, Oskar? I mean, how long have you existed?'

Before Oskar could answer, Eli opened the bathroom door.

'Hi.'

There was an awkward silence.

'Your turn, Oskar,' said Eli.

He nodded, grabbed a change of clothes from his backpack, and headed into the bathroom.

'Johan...'

'Yes?'

'I have very good hearing. I didn't catch everything, but... I know you know I'm not a girl.'

'Yes. Would you prefer it if I called you Elias or...'

'Call me Eli.'

'Eli... Why do you hate me so much? I'm surprised you haven't tried to kill me. You know, apart from when we first met.'

He thought back to another time when he had posed essentially the same question. What did I ever do to you? You were born.

'After I... attacked you, I was so scared... That had never happened to me before, that someone just pushed me off, that I couldn't draw blood and... I was so scared I forgot I was hungry. I needed to be with Oskar, I ran back to him and he saw the look in my face and he hugged me. The hunger took over, when I managed to take control and pull back, I had bitten him. That's how he became infected.'

So that's why you came back, even though you were terrified of me. Not just trying to get a cure for yourself, but for him also.

'I wanted to kill myself. Then I wanted to kill you. I know it's not your fault, Johan. And I know... You've not asked for anything in return for helping us.'

'Are you rich or something that I could've sold you my blood?'

'Yes.'

Johan shrugged.

'And yes, you could've done anything you wanted to me when I asked for your permission to leave.'

Were you afraid I would rape you? Is that it?

'Johan, I realize you're... a good man.'

In other circumstances, from someone else, that would be an insult, kind of.

'I know we can trust you. Can we stay for a few more nights? We had to flee our place. We couldn't wait until it was completely dark.'

'Is someone after you?'

'No. But they would be if we had stayed there. Can we stay? Please?'

'Yes. If I see the landlord, I'll tell him my nephews are visiting or something. And actually you do look a little like my sister.'

'I heard you mention her, but I didn't hear what you said about her. What happened to her?'

'She's dead.'

'My sister's dead, too. My whole family.'

'I'm sorry. How long ago did it happen?'

'I don't know. I don't know what happened to them after I became infected. But that was... many years ago. They've been dead for a long time.'

'I'm sorry.'

Johan said nothing more, and failed to notice the child's obvious discomfort at his silence.

'Johan...'

'Hmmm?'

'How did she die?'

'She hanged herself. She tied a noose to a beam on the ceiling, swallowed sleeping pills, climbed on a chair, put the noose around her neck, and jumped. The pills were to make sure she would die, though they said later that the pills alone wouldn't have killed her. Mother found her. She never recovered from that.'

You're talking about death and suicide to a child.

He paused and looked into Eli's eyes.

Yes, but a child who knows quite a lot about death. A child who tried to kill me.

He closed his eyes, trying to think. He felt Eli approach, and felt as she put her arms around him. For a moment he was reminded of the manner of her attack when they had first met, but then he understood.

Eli is trying to comfort me.

Johan put his arms around her, and kissed the top of her head.

'Johan...'

'Hmmm?'

'Promise that you won't let anyone split me and Oskar up. Promise you won't let them.'

'I promise I will try. Who is "them"?'

'Everyone. If anyone sees him and recognizes him...'

'Is he famous?'

'You don't know who he is?'

There has to be a reason why he seems familiar...

'No.'

'He's the boy who disappeared from a Stockholm swimming pool.'

'You mean... the Eriksson kid?'

'Yes.'

'They said a dark-haired young woman was involved. Was that you?'

'Yes. But I'm not a woman. Johan, Oskar had nothing to do with the killings. He was unconscious, underwater, they were trying to drown him...'

'Yes. That's what the surviving kid, the one who they locked in a psychiatric ward, said.'

'He was telling the truth.'

'I believe you.'

'Oskar had nothing to do with it, I killed them on my own. I don't want you to think that Oskar...'

'It's OK. I believe you. I didn't realize Oskar had had it so bad.

'It was my fault, in part.'

'What do you mean?'

'I told him to hit back, so that they wouldn't hurt him any more. But it just got worse until... the swimming pool.'

'I would've given him the same advice.'

The bathroom door opened, and Oskar came out.

'Speak of the devil,' said Johan.

'Hey!'

'Eli was just telling me about what happened in Stockholm.'

'Oh.'

'You two can stay here as long as you like. Which reminds me... you two need some new clothes, you can't have many in your backpacks. I thought I'd get some tomorrow after work, any particular requests?'

Both kids shrugged.

'OK.'

Oskar should be easy enough, I just have to get clothes the right size. But Eli...

'Eli... Should I get boys' or girls' clothes for you?'

Eli shrugged again.

'Girls' I guess.'

But... Surely it would be uncomfortable to...

'Does that go for... underwear too?'

Johan noticed Oskar was looking at him with amused interest.

Maybe I'm overthinking it...

Eli, however, frowned a little.

'Johan, I'm not a girl and I'm not a boy. I'm nothing, so it doesn't really matter...'

'I will get whatever you want me to. But it's your decision, not mine.'

'You don't understand.'

She exchanged glances with Oskar, then turned back towards Johan.

'I need to show you something.'

She got up, put her hands on her hips, her thumbs grasping, with hesitation, her pants' elastic band.

'Why...?'

His first instinct was to turn away.

Some kind of medical condition, maybe he's some kind of hermaphrodite... But maybe refusing to look would be like telling him he's a disgusting freak.

He looked on as Eli pulled down her pants and underwear. For a few seconds Johan did not understand what he was seeing. Then he shuddered as he understood. Eli put her clothes back on.

'Johan, you see why I'm not a boy and not a girl... Why I'm nothing...'

For a moment Johan did not answer, then he went over to where Eli stood.

'No.'

He grabbed her shoulders.

'You're not nothing. Whatever you are, and whatever was done to you, you're not nothing. You're you and... you're not allowed to say you're nothing. I won't stand for it, I won't let you!'

Johan realized he was shaking her hard. He let go of her shoulders.

'I'm sorry, I...'

He hesitated, and then hugged her tightly.

'Whatever happens now, I won't let anyone hurt you. Both of you. They'll have to kill me first.'

***

'Are you sure you're going to be OK while we're gone?'

'Johan, you're worse than my mother. I'll be fine.'

He sighed.

'OK. Come on, Eli.'

They waved Oskar goodbye and stepped outside. Johan locked the door and double-checked it was secure.

I guess a good thing about Oskar being infected is that he can defend himself.

They walked to the car, and once on the road, Johan took the opportunity to talkto Eli out of Oskar's earshot.

'I worry about Oskar being locked up at home all the time. There's the risk he'll be recognized if he goes out, but I hate that he has to stay hidden all the time. I don't want him, or you for that matter, to feel like a prisoner or something.'

'I was imprisoned in the past. It's not like that.'

'It doesn't bother you then?'

'No.'

'Do you think it bothers Oskar?'

'Not particularly. He doesn't miss school, that sort of thing.'

'I guess his life wasn't very happy in Stockholm. And having you with him also helps, more than anything else.'

Johan was keeping his eyes on the road, but he was sure Eli was blushing in response.

'Johan... I wanted to ask you... I would've stayed home with Oskar, but... Can you help me choose clothes to help me look pretty? I want to look pretty for Oskar.'

'I'm not exactly a fashion expert. Besides, I don't know much about what boys his age like.'

'You were once a boy his age.'

'So were you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I'm sorry.'

Why did I say that? I'm such an idiot.

'It's OK. I was once a boy, but it's been a while. Besides, many things are different now. And there's no one else I can ask.'

'I never thought I'd be a fashion consultant, but I'll see what I can do. Eli, do you care what Oskar wears?'

'No.'

'Well, he probably doesn't care what you wear. Maybe he thinks you're pretty no matter what you wear.'

'But I still want to look better. For him.'

'Forgive my asking, but did you dress as a girl before you met him?'

'Yes.'

'I see. Well, we'll just see what you fancy and I'll do my best to help.'

'OK.'

They soon arrived at their destination and parked the car. They walked to the building's entrance, and as Johan was about to invite Eli in, she put a finger on her lips and took his hand in hers. Then she stepped in, still holding his hand. She stood there, remaining motionless for a few seconds, even as shoppers gave them enquiring glances. Then she sighed with relief, and let go of his hand, and motioned him to enter, which he did. The children had told Johan what happened to vampires who entered uninvited; he was glad not to witness it firsthand.

The shopping went well; Johan was surprised by how unsurprised everyone seemed, by how naturally other shoppers and the employees accepted them as just two more customers.

The clueless Dad and his tomboy daughter.

They bought clothes for Oskar first, which did not take them long. Then they bought clothes for Eli - girls' underwear, a dress, a couple of skirts, some shirts, a pair of pants, socks. Johan noticed that Eli always chose clothes from the girls' section, even for things like pants, yet apart from that he practically had to choose for her.

When they were done, as Johan was reaching for his wallet to pay, he felt Eli discreetly put a big wad of money in his hand. He gave her a look; she only nodded slightly and Johan, not wanting to draw attention to them, paid with Eli's money.

'What was that all about? The money?' he asked once they were in the car.

'I have money. A lot.'

'Yes, but... Clothes are the sort of thing your guardian or foster parent or whatever should pay for.'

'Are you our guardian?'

'I guess according to the law... I'm your kidnapper.'

Eli laughed.

'You're no kidnapper.'

'So what am I?'

'I don't know. Our friend?'

'Yes, but... You're an orphan and though Oskar...'

'He might as well be an orphan too.'

'Maybe, but the point is... A guardian pays for most things, he has responsibilities. So I want you to let me pay for stuff like clothes.'

'OK. Johan, I need to ask you something... a couple of things, actually.'

'Go on.'

'Can you... forgive me for trying to kill you?'

Johan was genuinely surprised.

'But I've already forgiven you. Can't you tell? I know it wasn't personal and well... I can't blame a kid for wanting to live, can I?'

'After I infected Oskar, I didn't just want to kill you. I wanted to tear you apart, even though I knew it wasn't your fault.'

'But you didn't. You didn't even try. It's OK. What was the other question?'

'Do you think I did the right thing by letting Oskar come with me? If I hadn't, he wouldn't be infected, he wouldn't have to hide...'

'You didn't make him go with you, right?'

'I didn't make him. He wanted to come.'

'And obviously you didn't run away from him. In other words, you let him choose. You treated him like an equal, like someone who has a right to decide what he wants to do with his life. You did the right thing.'

***

'So... did you two sleep well today?'

Oskar and Eli exchanged glances.

'Yes, but... I woke up in the afternoon when... there was a ray of sunlight that made it through the curtains,' said Eli.

'I'll see about fixing that. But are you OK?'

'Yes, but... the ray reached my foot.'

'Let me have a look.'

He motioned Eli to sit on the couch.

'But I'm OK now.'

'It's not optional. Let me have a look.'

'OK.'

Eli sat on the couch.

'It was my right foot.'

Johan took it and examined it. It wasn't even tanned.

'Johan, it didn't burn.'

'What do you mean?'

'The sunlight didn't burn at all, I just felt pain. It felt like my bones were dying, and that woke me up. But there was no burning.'

Johan held her ankle and carefully moved her foot.

'Does it hurt?'

'No.'

'So... I take it sunlight burned you before, like fire?'

'Yes. But not this time.'

'I saw it too,' Oskar chimed in. 'It didn't look different.'

'Eli, do you think this means you're becoming resistant to sunlight?'

Eli smiled sheepishly.

'I have no idea. But... it hurt. Better than burning, but not like before I was infected.'

Johan nodded.

'Even if it doesn't get any better, it's good to know that in an emergency, you two might survive sunlight.'

***

'Are you deaf? Your wallet!'

Johan put a hand on Eli's shoulder, not taking his eyes off the first mugger. The other one took a step towatds Oskar, threatening him with his knife, but Oskar darted away, and approached the mugger from behind, kicking the inside of his knees; as the mugger fell, Oskar broke the fall by putting his forearm around the mugger's throat; the mugger squirmed and flailed but couldn't break Oskar's grip, caught between his forearm and his chest.

Eli took a step forwards, towards the other mugger; Johan could see he had grown claws and was certain he'd grown fangs as well.

'What...?'

The mugger stepped back, tripped and fell.

Johan put his arms around Eli and held him tightly; he squirmed and tried to get away, but couldn't. Johan looked into the mugger's eyes, and had an inkling of how he appeared to him: A tall, shadowy figure, restraining an agent of swift and bitter death.

'Don't move a muscle if you want to live,' said Johan. 'You are at our mercy now. The children are loving and forgiving, and they would merely tear you to pieces, but it is me you will have to deal with. If we ever have trouble with you two again, the things that I will do to you will be such that you will beg me to kill you, you will beg me to hand you over to the children for them to tear you apart, but I will keep you alive so you can suffer more. Is that understood?'

The mugger nodded slightly, eyes wide open.

'Now go, before I decide to leave you in such a state that you won't be able to walk away, as a gentle reminder of the things I might do to you. Go!'

The mugger got to his feet, and fled. Oskar released the other mugger, who fell like a sack of potatoes. Gasping for air, he crawled a couple of paces away from the boy, then got to his feet and staggered away before breaking into a run.

Johan kissed the top of Eli's head, sensing that he had retracted his claws and fangs. Then he let go of him, and rushed to Oskar.

'Are you OK?'

Johan knelt and held Oskar by the shoulders, anxiously examining him. Oskar seemed surprised.

'Oskar, are you OK?'

'Yes, I'm fine.'

Johan let go of him and turned back to Eli.

'Eli...'

'I hate you!'

Eli kicked his shin, and ran away in the direction of their home.

'Are you OK? asked Oskar.

'Yes, it's not broken.'

Nevertheless Johan felt, apart from in pain, weak and out of breath, and for a few moments wondered whether to lean on Oskar for support.

But if anyone sees us, they'll think he's my son and I'm a drunken excuse for a father.

'Oskar... where did you learn to do that? The way you were strangling him?'

'I read it in a book.'

'I see.'

They walked home slowly, and Johan was conscious he was walking like an old man.

'Oskar, what's that you're carrying?'

'I took his knife and wallet.'

'You little thief, you...' said Johan smiling.

Eli was waiting for them when they got home.

'Johan, I'm sorry.'

He nodded.

'I'm glad you can't use superhuman strength on me. And... well, I'm also glad you didn't aim higher.'

Eli shuddered.

'I wouldn't do that to anyone.'

Johan nodded.

'Johan... Thank you. I don't want any more blood on my hands.'

'You're welcome.'

Eli hugged him.