Blood

Eli finished the bag of blood Stina had brought her, while Stina gazed at her in silence. Eli's first impulse had been to go eat alone, but she had suppressed the urge. If she wants to watch, I owe her that much. Eli could see, under the make-up that tried to hide them, the bruises on Stina's face.

Eli got up and reached towards her, and Stina did not flinch. She just barely brushed her fingertips against the bruises and quickly pulled back, as if the broken blood vessels had given her an electric jolt.

'I'm sorry.'

'For what?'

'For... for the trouble you've gone to to help me.'

'It's not your fault, kid.'

'I wish... I wish I could live without hurting people.'

'It's not your fault that it's hard to do.'

'Yes, but... Stina, your blood...'

'Yes?'

'I didn't say anything at the time, but... it tastes different.'

'What do you mean?'

Eli had never told anyone about drinking Oskar's blood. Like Oskar's, Stina's blood tasted better than before, but in a different way.

'It tastes better than it did at first, but in a weird way.'

'Does that mean...'

'I wish I knew what it means. I hope it's something good. I'm sorry...'

Eli put her arms around Stina and began sobbing uncontrollably. Stina again hesitated for a moment, then hugged her so tightly that she would've hurt a normal child.

A tear fell on Stina's bruised flesh. She winced, as if it were a drop of a caustic fluid. Even as the tear rolled down Stina's face, Eli saw herself through Stina's eyes: Elias. A monster. A monster that is loved. A monster that deserves to be loved. A monster that I love.

***

Oskar smiled in his sleep, as he dreamt:

He was running on a beach holding hands with Eli, who was wearing a girl's swimsuit. They laughed as they ran barefoot and splashed seawater, which glinted like gold in the sunlight. Above them, a blue, cloudless sky seemed to smile at them.

Eli was gazing at Oskar's sleeping form. He had a beautiful, beatific smile on his face, so full of joy that Eli thought that if she had never seen him before, she could love him just for that smile. Yet there were tears streaming down his face.

Is he crying because he's so happy? If I could only be in his dream, to comfort him or be happy with him, or just to hold hands and be together...

As gently as she could, not wanting to wake him, she kissed Oskar's cheek. As her lips touched the wetness left behind by Oskar's tears, she felt a sharp pain, like a bee sting. As she pulled away, the pain in her lips dulled, but it reappeared deep inside her bowels, which felt at once numb and in pain. She bent into a foetal position and was about to scream when she lost consciousness, even as her hand landed onto Oskar's as she lay on the mattress.

***

Oskar awoke, unsure if a noise or something else had woken him up. He immediately noticed that Eli was not lying with him on the mattress, and he saw a faint electric light coming from the kitchen. He wasn't alarmed, but rather was puzzled as to why Eli would go to the kitchen at all.

As he got to his feet, Oskar noticed hints of paleness on the pieces of cardboard covering the windows.

It's already morning.

He went to the kitchen; what he saw there awakened a fear he had almost forgotten: fear of being attacked by Eli.

Eli was standing near the open fridge, which was where the electric light came from. At her feet lay the torn packaging of some steaks Emma had bought. Shreds of raw meat hung from Eli's mouth; Oskar couldn't tell whether she was chewing it or merely shredding it with her teeth. Eli's mouth dripped with pinkish drool.

Oskar looked into Eli's eyes. He did not see what he feared, the creature he had seen when she had licked his blood off the basement floor. Rather, what he saw reminded him at first of the cold, lifeless eyes of a dead fish.

'Eli...?'

It was barely a whisper, and the fear in his voice was obvious. Eli slowly tilted her head. No, her eyes were not lifeless like those of a dead fish, but they nevertheless appeared unseeing, as if unable to focus.

'Eli...'

Eli dropped the meat and simply stood there, facing in Oskar's direction but not appearing to see him.

Oskar took a step towards her, and then another and another, at every step fearing Eli would attack. But she didn't, and when he was standing right in front of her he gathered all his courage and gently, very gently, tugged her sleeve.

He found that she would follow if he pulled her along, and so they started making their way back to the bedroom and Oskar kicked the fridge door shut. He instantly regretted it; he felt an uncontrollable, suffocating fear of the dark, a fear of being attacked in the dark.

Get a grip on yourself.

He told himself that at least in the dark he could see nothing different about Eli, and he guided her to the bedroom. As soon as she collapsed on the mattress on which they slept, Oskar switched on a lamp they kept next to it. Eli had closed her eyes and lay like any sleeping child. Save for her smeared lips there was no trace of what had happened in the kitchen.

Oskar sat on the mattress, and gazing at Eli he felt a deep, loving sorrow for this child who was allowed no rest, no peace even while asleep, and also felt a hot anger at the injustice of the chasm between the beautiful dream he had had and Eli's reality. With tears in his eyes, he bent down and gently kissed her lips.

***

'So you don't remember anything?'

'No, but as soon as I woke up I felt the taste in my mouth.'

'Is it going to make you sick? It didn't when it happened.'

'I don't feel like I'm going to be sick.'

'So you can now eat meat?'

'I don't know. A long time ago, after I became ill, I tried drinking animal blood, eating raw meat - even a little bit made me sick then. But now, I don't know. I'm sorry, Oskar, it must've been really scary for you.'

'It's OK. Have you ever sleepwalked before?'

'I don't think so.'

'So what do we do now?'

***

Stina plugged in the blender.

'I'll get one for them tomorrow morning if it works. Anyway, if Beata notices it's missing tonight, I'll tell her a friend of mine borrowed it.'

Stina gave her a look.

'Beata barely knows what a kitchen's for.'

Stina put some pieces of raw meat in the blender and added some water and a pinch of salt. Then she blended the mixture together, filtered the result through a sieve and poured it into a tall glass.

'It probably tastes disgusting, but have a go.'

She placed the glass on the table, in front of Eli. Oskar squeezed Eli's hand.

Eli took a small sip and forced herself to swallow, despite the vile taste. She forced herself to swallow some more, and couldn't help making a face. She closed her eyes, preparing herself to drink some more.

'I think I know what to do,' said Stina, and retrieved a large knife from a kitchen drawer. She was about to cut herself when Emma seized her wrist.

'No,' she commanded. 'I'm the one that should do it.'

Stina handed over the knife in silence, and Emma cut herself, letting a few drops fall into Eli's glass.

'Try it now.'

Eli did so, and then drank a large gulp. She took a moment to look at the others in the eye, and finished the glass. It didn't make her sick.

***

'Hello?'

'Hi, Vincent, it's Oskar.'

'Hi, how are you?'

'I'm fine. Listen, I need your help, I want to write to my mother again.'

'Sure, we can do it like last time.'

'I also want your help on how to write it.'

'What do you mean?'

'I want to say goodbye to her. To tell her I won't write to her anymore.'

'Why? What happened?'

'Eli... can now eat a little food, if a few drops of blood are added to it.'

'But that's great news! I'm so happy for both of you! How did it happen?'

'We don't really know. Eli was sleepwalking, which as far as we know has never happened before, and she was eating meat.'

'Strange. But good.'

'Thanks.'

'But why does it change anything with your mother?'

'I'm not sure. But I want to tell her I won't write again.'

'Oskar, I know nothing of what your family life was like, I've not even met your mom, so I'm in no position to judge, and I try hard not to judge. If I did, I couldn't help being biased, because I'm a father. But I want to suggest something that maybe you haven't considered: Once you're eighteen, you'll be legally an adult and your parents won't be able to force you to do anything, including going back to them, and in any case you'll have adult friends to help you. That's part of what worries you about contacting your mom, right? That she'll somehow get the police or someone to force you to return?'

'Yes...'

'So you could tell her you won't contact her until you're an adult and can face her as an equal. You don't actually have to choose between never, ever contacting her again and fearing you'll be dragged back to her. What do you think?'

'I'll think about it.'

'Whatever you decide, I'll help you. If you want me to help you write the letter, it's probably best if you send me a draft and I'll comment on it.'

'OK. How's Anna, by the way?'

'She's fine. Nobody has bullied her again, and she's gotten over her friend moving away.'

'Good. See you.'

'Bye.'

***

Eli lay awake next to Oskar, who slept peacefully. The sheer intensity of her dinner's aftertaste would've made it difficult for her to sleep even during the day. She had eaten a piece of raw meat on which Oskar had lovingly spread a couple of drops of his blood. It had nearly choked her, but not due to the solid meat, as Oskar had thought, but the intensity of his blood's taste.

Eli felt a slight tingling in her scalp, a slight pain reminiscent of what she'd felt in her lips when she kissed Oskar's cheek when tears were streaming down his face.

Emma's tears.

Eli felt a mild pain on her face, a pain that she knew to be not her own, that she knew to be that of Stina's bruises.

She again felt pain in her lips, as if an echo of when she had kissed Oskar as he dreamt. But she felt other tears, which she knew to be Oskar's also; tears of sorrow and anger when he had kissed her lips smeared with raw meat.

She now recognized another taste in her mouth: the taste of blood, but not just Oskar's, but also that of Stina, Emma, and even Vincent. And then another: that of the puzzle-maker's blood, which she remembered all too well.

But why? Because he too never asked for anything? Except when he asked me to take his life. He said it was the only thing he had that was worth giving.

She then tasted a terrible sweetness also, the taste of a blood she had never drunk, but which she recognized instantly: Anna's blood.

Eli felt a burning pain inside her, not unlike what she had felt on her skin when she had spilled that corrosive liquid on herself in Emma's lab. The pain grew more intense, as if even now, in the middle of the night and behind walls and cardboard-covered windows, the sun itself had descended into her bosom.

The pain spread as if carried by her blood, and when it reached her groin, she felt an old wound re-open. She opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out, and at last she fell unconscious.

***

Oskar awoke, and again Eli wasn't there. There was no light coming from the kitchen.

'Eli?'

He got to his feet. There was light under the bathroom door. As he approached, he could hear Eli sobbing inside. He knocked lightly.

'Eli, are you in there? Are you OK?'

He knocked again, more loudly this time.

'Eli...'

He tried to open the door, but it was bolted from the inside.

'Don't come in. Please... get Emma.'

'What's wrong? Why are you crying? Are you hurt?'

'I'm not sure.'

Oskar bitterly regretted not being older; a grown man could have kicked the door open.

'Eli, let me in.'

'Please... get Emma.'

'But are you hurt? What's wrong?'

'I'm... not sure. I'm sorry, Oskar, I can't explain. Oskar, I'm scared. But I need to see Emma, or Stina.'

'But are you going to be OK?'

'I don't know.'

It did not take long for Emma to arrive after Oskar called, yet to him it seemed an eternity as he waited just outside the door that Eli stubbornly refused to open. But at last he heard knocking.

'Emma?'

'Yes, it's me.'

Oskar opened and Emma rushed in.

'Is Eli...?'

'Still in the bathroom.'

Emma knocked on the bathroom door.

'Eli? What's wrong?'

'I can't let Oskar see, just you.'

Eli unbolted the door, opening it just wide enough for Emma to enter, and as soon as she was inside she bolted it again.

Oskar pressed his ear against the wall, but perhaps they had foreseen this, because they were whispering. Then he clearly heard Emma say 'Oh,' followed by utter silence. Then there was more whispering; Eli's voice sounded on the verge of panic.

The door was unbolted, and Emma emerged. Oskar tried to get a glimpse of Eli, but Emma stood in the way and the door was immediately shut and bolted again. Oskar made no pretence he wasn't trying to eavesdrop.

'Emma, tell me what's wrong with Eli!'

'Calm down, Oskar, please. I don't completely understand what's going on myself, but we need to get Stina.'

'Stina? Why? Is Eli hurt? Sick?'

'No, I think Eli is going to be OK. But I need to call Stina. I... we'll explain later.'

The wait for Stina seemed even longer to Oskar, as they waited in silence; Oskar refused to talk about anything other than whatever was happening to Eli, and Emma soon went back to the bathroom.

At last there was knocking.

'Open up, it's me, Stina.'

Oskar did so. Stina was carrying a shopping bag.

'Hi, kid. Where are they?'

'Over there, in the bathroom. They've bolted themselves in. Stina, what's going on?'

'I think I don't really have the faintest idea. Move.'

Stina went to the bathroom door and knocked loudly.

'Emma, open up.'

Oskar heard the bolt slide, and the door opened a little. In the brief interval before Emma pulled Stina in and clossed the door again, Oskar caught a glimpse of Eli's face: she was pale and her eyes were very wide open.

Oskar again tried to eavesdrop, but he could only catch the occasional word like 'blood' or 'no.'

Eventually the three of them came out. Eli had wrapped Stina's coat around herself like a shawl, and stooped a little, gazing at the floor. Emma seemed worried and deep in thought. Stina's expression was blank.

Eli momentarily looked at Oskar in the eye; he read fear and perhaps shame in her gaze. This was too much.

'Eli, tell me what the hell is going on!'

Emma turned to Eli.

'He must be told. Eli, it's not... bad, actually,' she said softly.

Stina looked at Oskar in the eye and something in her gaze softened his anger. Then she reached for her coat as if to take it away from Eli, but she ducked and jumped away, clutching the coat tightly, and she then ran back into the bathroom, slamming the door but not bolting it.

'I'll talk to her,' said Emma, and went after Eli.

'Stina, what's happening? Please?'

She sighed.

'We don't know how it happened, or why, or anything, but it seems Elias... Eli is now an actual girl. By that I mean - I'm not a gynaecologist, but I just examined Eli and... Oskar, Eli is menstruating.

Oskar opened his eyes wide.

'You do like girls, right?'

He nodded.

'So much the better.'